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Posted on Friday, January 27th, 2006

Dave!Here is my one word review of Brokeback Mountain from last night...


It was boring. Beyond boring. The cowboy love story was not enough of a story, and everything in-between was so mind-numbingly, coma-inducing, kill-me-now, BORING that I found myself counting ceiling tiles. Yes the cinematography was first rate and the scenery was pretty... but that doesn't excuse this long, drawn-out, snore-fest of a film. I remain positively dumbfounded that Brokeback Mountain is getting such critical acclaim. Between Heath Ledger mumbling every word of his incomprehensible dialogue and having to sit through long stretches of NOTHING, I can honestly say that this is one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

I never thought I would find myself looking forward to watching some hot man-on-man action but, since that was the only action to be found, there was nothing else to do. The story tried to show how society was so unforgiving of their love that they had no choice but to enter into straight marriages that neither were happy in. But the result was cliched and felt tacked on... as if stereotypical screaming babies and an unapproving father-in-law were supposed to be some kind of excuse for them to keep having feelings for each other. In the end, the wives who were being cheated on for the sake of forbidden romance were the more sympathetic characters. I always felt that Ennis and Jack's marriages should have been a sad result of something both wanted but weren't brave enough to have... but this didn't come across in the film. At least not to me.

On a more positive note, I'll bet the porn remakes are going to be entertaining...

Bareback Monkey

The thing that surprised me most was not the actual movie, but that there were so many people there to watch it. Despite this being 2006, I live in a somewhat redneck area of Central Washington. To have a fairly good-sized audience of mostly older people at a 4:45 showing is remarkable. I can only hope that this indicates society is becoming more accepting of gay cowboys having sex. It would be nice to live in a world where consenting adults can have love and happiness wherever they are lucky enough to find it, and not have to worry about being judged or killed for it.

Overheard in the parking lot after the movie was over: "I nearly choked on my popcorn when that boy took that other fella from behind like that... heh heh heh, homos!"

Errr, well... maybe there's a ways to go yet, but at least the guy had a mind open enough to go watch a Western where the cowboys had been all homosexualized by the homosexualizations of those homosexualizers in Hollywood. That's a start.

Anyway, the night wasn't a total loss. Thanks to Michelle leaving me a hot tip in a comment, I was able to drop by Safeway and pick up a couple boxes of Peanut Butter Captain Crunch cereal for the bargain price of 2 for $5... score!

I wish I could quit you, Captain Crunch.

Categories: DaveToons 2006, Movies 2006Click To It: Permalink


  1. Anthony says:

    Weird. This is one of the first times I’ve ever disagreed with you. 🙂

    Did you like Lost in Translation?

  2. karla says:

    I have a friend (he’s gay so he can say this) who calls it “Bareback Mounting”.

    He’s pretty funny.

    It’s also playing here in Norway. I want to see it, but my husband categorically WON’T. But he wouldn’t see Pride and Prejudice, either, so I think he is just anti-romance.


  3. Dave2 says:

    Lost in Translation is one of my favorite films. I’ve seen it three times in theaters and at least another three on DVD. Slow-paced films don’t bother me… but Brokeback was slow AND boring to me. I realize that I’m in the minority here… but there just wasn’t enough to hold my interest.

    I’ve heard the film called “Humpback Mountain” and “Brokeback Mount Sin” but “Bareback Mounting” is classic! Though “Bareback Monkey” would be good because everybody loves monkeys… just not in THAT way. 🙂

  4. Troy says:

    It couldn’t have been completely bad. Don’t you get to see Anne Hathaway’s breasts? That’s almost worth watching it 🙂 Or were they disappointing too? 🙂

  5. Silvertongue says:

    Sorry to hear you didn’t like it – I thought it was amazing, for many of the reasons you didn’t like it…I thought Heath Ledger was able to convey so much even while saying so little, for example. You’re not alone, though. A lot of people found the pacing to be painfully slow. I loved it, though. Actually went back and watched it again less than a week from the first viewing.

    I’ve been hoping you would mention – did you get to see this week’s new Veronica Mars yet? Yay, my show’s back! Thoughts?

  6. rach says:

    i thought the movie was painfully slow as well.

    but i found, during the boring parts, that i could distract myself by focusing on the mullet of the man sitting directly in front of me.

    you don’t really get to see that hairstyle in berkeley…much.

  7. Glenda says: was refreshing to hear your review of the movie.

  8. Used Hack says:

    I thought it was a pretty decent movie, but nowhere near worth all the Oscar buzz.

    Anyway, your last line made me spew Diet Coke.

    Bastard. 🙂

  9. Neil says:

    I think places like central Washinton are ready for gay cowboy sex. I mean, wasn’t John Wayne’s real name “Marion?” But they aren’t ready for movies about gay accountants from San Francisco who talk about re-decorating their kitchen all night.

  10. Lisa says:

    The opinions I’ve heard on this one are all over the board. My favorite was a critic who said if this was the same exact story, but with a heterosexual couple as the only difference, it would be a horrible boring movie that would go straight to video and never be talked about again.

  11. Randy says:

    I have not yet seen this movie but eventually plan to.

    But I would say much of the hype may be due a general political correctness, where “quality” is ascribed to WHATEVER is produced by certain people (individuals “in the know”) or certain groups of people…

    all shields up…

  12. Michelle says:

    You’re welcome. You know I’ve always had your best interest in mind.

  13. Dave2 says:

    Can I just say that I am totally in love with the fact that you know the difference between “your” and “you’re”??

    Peanut Butter Captain Crunch is just icing on the cake.


  14. Dave2 says:

    Troy: While Anne Hathaway was quite nice, her breast shot was not enough to save the movie for me.

    I do think I woke up for a minute though.

    Silvertounge: The last episode of Veronica Mars was mind-blowingly good. I actually had to watch it a second time immediately after it was over so I could fully absorb the sheer brilliance that is Veronica. Awesome episode… if not a bit disturbing.

    Rach Funny you should mention a mullet. I was standing in line at the mini mart behind a guy with a mullet. Except when he turned around it wasn’t a guy, but a gal. With the exception of her unfortunate hair choice, she was actually quite pretty, so I don’t know what that was all about.

    Used Hack: Sorry about that. But are you sure it was me? Maybe you got a bad can of Diet Coke?!!

    Neil: I dunno… Will & Grace and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy have a mainstream following that’s pretty surprising as well. Times they are a changing… sometimes for the better.

    Lisa: THANK YOU… that sums up my feelings EXACTLY. If this was a straight love story, it would have been immediately forgotten. Amazing what one 30-second controversial scene can do for a film.

    Randy: This may also be true. Ang Lee has crafted some of the most remarkable films to hit the screen (Incredible Hulk excepted) and he probably is cut some slack because of it. In my opinion, that’s rightfully so given the body of work he’s produced.

  15. jg says:

    I didn’t love it. Didn’t hate it. Absolutly think a lot of its buzz was just people being PC. Although, I have to say, I disagree with you about Heath Ledger. I thought he was superb. The mumbling you didn’t like? I thought he did an excellent job of portraying a guy with extreme difficulty expressing himself.

  16. Leanne says:

    I went to see this movie because well I’m a idiot I thought the critical acclaim meant hey this is a ok movie well…. it doesn’t .
    My sister is Gay and I don’t have a problem with the story line just the fact that
    it looks like they took a thrown away story about sheep herders decided to add hey what if their gay to it and wham-o Crappy movie. But what else can you expect from the guy who brought you the Hulk : P
    Love you DAVE by the way your Widget the ectch a sketch the best!!!

  17. jube jubes says:

    I haven’t seen Brokecack mountain yet, but I read a review in the New Yorker. seems like an “I love the ’00s” (ya know, that kinda crappy Vh1 show) moment in the making. should I go see it just because of future historic signifigance?
    (eg. 40 years from now: “thats right sonny-boy, I remember exactly where I was the first time I realized I wasn’t actually a lesbian, I was watching Brokeback mountain, and…”
    Any input, fellow bloggers?
    is it worth the 8buck ticket, + popcorn?

  18. xtine says:

    I agree with you. I dont undestand what all the fuss is. It was dead boring.

    And all this acclaim for Heath? What? Why? He was just playing Billy Bob from Slingblade when you think about it. Minus the, errr, slingblade moment.

  19. ChillyWilly says:

    karla stole my “Brokeback” porn remake title… that’s what I get for waiting a few days to post.

    FWIW, my fiance thought the movie was way boring. Parts of it were for me… a bit slow in the story telling, but overall, I thought it was a good film. I really don’t need to see it again, though.

  20. Jen says:

    I thought this movie was really boring too. I’m really glad it’s out there but it just made my friend and me revert to ten-year old boys to entertain ourselves. We, personally, were calling it Butt-Cock Mountain.

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