Most days, I don't really have time to goof around the internet because I've got work piled up to the rafters. I do try to keep Twitter running in a corner of my desktop, however. That way when I'm on the phone or have a minute between tasks I can catch up with everybody and see if anything is trending in the world that I should know about. Today was particularly heinous, work-wise, so I pretty much ignored the outside world altogether.
Then all of a sudden I noticed that people were going nuts on Twitter. Apparently, news broke that Astrologists had the constellations all wrong, and an Astronomer was trying to set things straight. In doing so, the dates for the Zodiac had shifted considerably, and a NEW constellation had even been added! Madness!
When I went to bed last night I was an Aries... THE RAM...
But now all of a sudden I was a Pisces... THE FISHES...
That totally sucks! I don't even like fish! If my Zodiac sign simply had to change, why couldn't I get something cool like the new sign, Ophiuchus?!? I mean, seriously, just look at this magnificent bastard...
Bitchin' drawing by Johannes Kepler!
Wrestling a giant snake with your dick hanging out while crushing a massive pubic louse under your foot... all while fending off an attack by some guy with a club in a bear hat?
How bad-ass is that?
So totally me right there.
Alas, a while later it was all revealed to be a boatload of crap and a lot of gross exaggeration by the media (big surprise).
And then I remembered that I don't believe in horoscopes and Zodiac stuff anyway, and was able to move on with my life.
Barely.
I mean, I was a frickin' FISH there for a few hours!
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Okay – you’re right. That IS badass!
Oh, well. poor Gilda. Just a Sagittarius.
I think EVERYBODY should change their sign to Ophiuchus!
You could have TOTALLY worked the just keep swimming Dori angle though.
I’m more a shark, I think. I’M SHARK EXTREME!!!
When I saw the trending, I thought “Well damn. All those people who tattooed their Zodiac signs on themselves. They’re all wrong. That’ll be a lot of cover-up tattoo work for me!”
Hey, if my new sign were kick-ass Ophiuchus, I would totally have that tattooed across my face. MY FACE! He’s the most bad-ass sign in the Zodiac!
Wow. My birthday falls on the first day of Ochi-whatever, and you are right! That dude is totally bad ass! Now I’m kind of sad that I’ve got to go back to the almost equally as awesome centaur aiming a bow. 🙂
Ah, but the centaur has the decency not to be flashing his naughty bits everywhere, so at least you’ve got THAT off your conscience!
From something I read a few years ago, I think they are all actually a few days or so off…which, alas, is not enough to push me into the next sign.
It must be nice to know that your entire life is not a lie! 🙂
I don’t like this Pisces business one bit..
I too being born in the beginning of April, have been relegated to the fish by someones “need” to fix something..
mind you i have never given a Rat’s ass about this horoscope stuff… but it bothers me… does this mean i have issues?
🙂
You MAY have issues. Let me check your horoscope…
I don’t read my horoscope or anything like that but I have to admit, I was one of the few, the head-hanging in shame, the many who wasn’t going to take the new sign anyway.
I am the pure definition of a Scorpio and dammit, I was not about to become a Libra. I just wasn’t going to do it. *snort*
I told Foo last night though….if THIS is the biggest thing we have to get worked up about this week, then we are doing a-okay! 😉
I think we should get to choose our zodiac sign! In fact… I think we should get to MAKE UP our zodiac sign! Because I want to be a Monkey Dragon! A DRAGONKEY!!
I went from a Cancer to a… Cancer. It looks like July 20th didn’t move. 😉
That totally makes me “stable”. 😉
Don’t fool yourself. You’re a Canadian! All Canadians have a zodiac signs of either MOOSE or BEAVER! Maybe Maple Syrup… but mostly MOOSE or BEAVER!!
It’s not easy being fishy! I’m glad it ended up being much ado over nothing, but that Ophicius dude is scary! Who rides a giant cockroach??
I think it’s supposed to be Scorpio, the Scorpion… but in this drawing it looks like a pubic louse.
Not that I’m judging Scorpios or anything, but ewwww!
LOLZZZZ!
I’m getting over how mad I am about the whole thing, and am choosing to disregard it. Just like I disregard the “science” behind Pluto no longer being a planet. In my world I’m still a Leo and Pluto still is a planet, and I like it here.
Pluto is so totally a planet! That’s SCIENCE FACT compared to the SCIENCE FICTION that stripped it to mere planetoid status.
Silly scientists!
I’m a Virgo either way. No fishy business here.
I think being a Virgo entitles you to a bunch of virgins when you get to heaven. I’m pretty sure I read that somewhere…
The nice thing about the new arrangement was that I was tossed into the hard-core Leo camp. Before I was on the cusp of Leo/Virgo, and depending upon the newspaper I was reading my horoscope might have been either one. As a result I never knew what I was supposed to do — should I be kind to strangers today? expect a big promotion?
Always be kind to strangers. Unless you’re an Ophiuchus, in which case you whip your junk out and strangle their snake.
That guy really IS bad-ass!
Forever a LEO here. I’m sticking with the old Zodiac.
That’s quite the image there… big schlong with a cockroach for a footrest. No thanks.
Ah, but Ophiuchus totally digs it. His is a life of high adventure and awesomeness, so he wouldn’t have it any other way!
i just knew this post was gonna make me giggle. and i was right.
Hopefully you weren’t reading it on your smartphone while on the toilet at work. Nobody wants to hear giggling from a toilet stall at work.
Well, unless you work at a whorehouse… then you get to giggle anywhere you want because you get PAID to have SEX! I’m giggling just thinking about it!
Am I the only one who thinks that “Ophiuchus” is pronounced “Oh fuck us”?
Probably not. All the Greek scholars pronounce it that way… it’s the rest of us who are trying to make it less giggle-worthy.
I forgot to mention how you just missed out like thaaaaaaaaaaat much on being my boyfriend yet again. Five out of six of my serious relationships have been with the fishies, see.
Of course, maybe I need to date outside of that smelly sign anyway. 😉
Hey, stick with what you know! If you know going in that your date is going to end up being an asshole, you can plan a party around it!
Nanananaaa you’re a fiiiish
but then again the iPad spell check thinks I’m a Godan
You totally SHOULD be “Godan”… that sounds like a cross between Godzilla and Rodan, which would be about the most awesome thing ever!
Love the illos! Love. (Love.)
If only I could draw as well as Johannes Kepler!