=sigh=

If you want to see a photo of me losing my mind... well, what little is left of my mind... here it is...

I had to come home to pick up something for work yesterday morning.

I see Jake laying on the cat tree so I say his name and ask him how his day has been. Nothing.

I say his name and talk to him a little louder. Nothing.

I go up to touch him. Nothing.

Now I'm in a blind panic, so I start shaking him... and... he finally moves, then wakes up and looks at me like I'm the asshole for waking him up. Then squawks. Then goes back to sleep.

Now, for context, both my cats are skittish enough that ANY sound will wake them up. Jake not waking up to look at me when I am saying his name and talking to him is unprecedented. Him not reacting when I touch him? Inconceivable (yes, that word means what I think it means).

And so... that was a flash-forward that had me shaking all day long.

Maybe this is just what happens when cats get older. Maybe Jake is losing his hearing. Maybe he's just decided "fuck it" I am not going to react to meet his expectations. I don't know. But it wrecked my day. And now my anxiety is at an all-time high when I didn't think it was possible for it to get any worse.

I mean, don't get me wrong... there's absolutely no scenario where I would trade the past 9-1/2 years of my life with these cats. They have literally saved my life. But now a part of me cannot help but wonder if they will be the death of me as well.