tl;dr... I'm too old for this shit
This is undoubtedly Too Much Information, but I've gone without sex for so long now that I think that I might be over it. As in... I'm done. It's over. Pack up my dick, put it on a shelf, and call it a day. I've managed to survive since August, 2019 without it, so sayonara sexy time. We had a good run.
Because whether you're in a relationship or not, sex always has a cost. And the longer I've gone without, the more I'm beginning to think the cost is too damn high. Not literal "cost"... as in money (though that can certainly be a factor when you're single)... but the cost that comes any time you invest yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically with another person.
In other words, I really am too old for this shit.
I suppose it only stands to reason that this would happen. I have been done with actual relationships for at least a decade. Maybe two. Sure I stumble into them on occasion but, try as I might, it's just not something I'm able to make work long-term. And despite my being brutally up-front about this, there are still women who seem to want to give it a go... I get all goofy and say "okay"... then give it my best shot because relationships are so nice at the beginning that I want it to work... then try to act shocked when it doesn't, even though I knew better.
At least she believes me when we both realize things are not working out and I say "It's not you, it's me"... I said as much at the very beginning.
Is it any wonder that I am so addicted to crappy Hallmark rom-coms? Watching a fantasy world where people fall in love and live happily ever after... all in 90 minutes or less? Well, technically you never SEE a "happily ever after" because the movie ends on their first kiss. For all we know they DON'T live happily ever after. For all we know that kiss was bad. And they've only known each other for a week, after all. I'm sure the bad habits, annoying quirks, and love of banjo music doesn't come out until Week Two (though "Did I happen to mention that I have a meth addiction?" probably doesn't come out until ten years of marriage, three kids, and no teeth). I guess my point is that it's nice to think that they live happily ever after (with or without the meth).
So there you have it. Hallmark movies in lieu of relationships. Porn in lieu of sex. I guess all my bases are covered then?
You tell me. I use blogging in lieu of therapy.
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My last 1st date I was called a misogynist because my old combat-career field in the Air Force was male only……was being the operative term. Not something I had control of, not something I was making a big deal of, just a matter of fact.
Now I’m not completely stupid, I’m sure I have some misogyny, racism, and biases, but this wasn’t one of those things.
I think our culture… as a whole, not just in the military… has strains of systemic sexism, racism, and misogyny that is really tough to avoid growing up in America. Whether you identify it as “toxic masculinity” or some other term, what’s important to me is that I DO identify it when I see it in myself, and try to be better every day whenever and wherever I can. It’s a process. And one I don’t think I’ll ever be completely finished with. But I try.
Dave,
So… you’re a connoisseur of Hallmark Movies, Porn, Food, Travel, Cats, Graphic-design, Short-Fiction AND you’re bad at relationships…
That makes you an Honorary Gay Man.
Wear your badge with pride and check out Bridgerton.
-S
I’m somewhere on the LGBTQ+ spectrum… and have attended more than a couple Pride events… so I’ll take that Honorary Gay Man title and WILL wear it with pride!
I tried to comment on this yesterday, but your blog was not having it! Let’s try this again.
If anybody had told younger me of the nymphomaniac sex drive that I would be drained of my whore moans and urges due to menopause, I would have laughed them off the planet. After all, men-on-pause was for /others/ not ME. So that came as a bit of a surprise, but more shocking is that I’m perfectly alright with it. I actually struggle to understand how other post-menopausal women still have a sex drive.
Yeah, I’m okay with it too. Mostly. Kinda. 🙂
Oh… and your first comment DID post! It was a duplicate, so I binned it, but who knows what my blog is up to? Blogging is kinda out of fashion, so the technical back-end isn’t as robust as it used to be.