Posted on July 7th, 2015
My long-standing loathing and contempt of Jared Fogle, the Subway Sandwich Whore™ is well-documented. I think the way he shills for Subway's shitty sandwiches borders on fraud, and the fact that he's gotten millions of dollars for it makes him a loathsome creature indeed.
"LETS COMPARE A 6-INCH SUBWAY SANDWICH WITH NO CHEESE, NO MAYO, NO FATTY ANYTHING, AND NO FLAVOR TO THIS BIG MAC! AS YOU CAN SEE, SUBWAY IS CLEARLY THE HEALTHY CHOICE!" — Except when it's not, because most people are going to go for the $5 foot-long fully loaded with fat plus the "Meal Deal" upgrade with fatty chips and a toxic cup of soda because that's "getting your money's worth." Turns out when you compare what people actually eat at Subway, the restaurant is no better than McDonalds... and quite possibly even worse. Way worse when you consider that the people ordering that shit have been brainwashed into thinking they've made a healthy choice.
For these reasons and plenty more, I've blasted Jared (and Subway) more times than I can count.
Take, for example, my reaction to Apple's introduction of the MacBook Air. All I could think about was how such a slim laptop would be perfect for decapitating Jared Fogle if you happened to run into him on the street. I even drew a Davetoon to illustrate how that would go...
Yeah, no love lost there.
So you can imagine my reaction when it was announced that Jared had been suspended from being Subway's spokeswhore after his house was raided during a child pornography investigation.
ZOMFG! NO MORE HAVING TO LOOK AT JARED ON TV COMMERCIALS AND BILLBOARDS!
Happy as I am about the prospect of Jared Fogle disappearing forever... I would have never wanted it to happen like this. Odds are, the investigation has everything to do with the arrest of the former head of The Jared Foundation... Fogle's charity which is fighting to stop child obesity... and absolutely nothing to do with Jared himself. Indeed, every indication is that Fogle is cooperating fully with the FBI, and he hasn't been charged or arrested for anything.
And I honestly hope he's innocent, because piece of shit sexual predators who prey on children are something we really need less of in this world.
No, if Jared has to go... let it be because people finally wise-up to his disgustingly deceptive ads where he takes millions of dollars for telling people they're eating healthier when, odds are, they're really not.
That would be something to celebrate.
Posted on April 27th, 2010
Schadenfreude, which is often translated in American English to mean "shameful joy," is a delicious German word used to describe a situation where somebody finds pleasure in the misfortune of others. In Buddhism this concept is kind of horrific, which is probably why their word Mudita or "joy" is often seen as Schadenfreude's polar opposite. Mudita is achieved by finding pleasure in the happiness and well-being of others. As somebody who strives to apply Buddhist ideals to everyday life, it's my goal to limit Schadenfreude as much as I can, while striving for Mudita whenever possible.
But sometimes you just can't help it.
Today as I was driving back from Seattle, I turned off I-90 at Cle-Elum so I could connect with Highway 97 and go home. These roads are single-lane, which can be frustrating. Because about ten minutes later, some asshole comes roaring up behind me and was grinding on my bumper even though I was over the speed limit by 5 miles per hour. Had I been under the speed limit, I'd understand his aggressive driving because I'd deserve it. But I wasn't, so his douchebaggery was uncalled for. My first reaction was to slam on my brakes and slow down so he'd back off... but he didn't. This just seemed to make him more anxious. Which just encouraged me to slow down even further, because I can be a total asshole too.
Eventually he got to a spot where he could pass me, and went zooming by at spectacular speed. After fuming with rage for a few minutes, I promptly forgot about the jerkwad because life is too short.
Until I ran across him 20 minutes later skidded off the road.
Bwah ha ha!
I would have stopped to offer help, but somebody with a truck already had. This was too bad, because I'd love to have been the one who pulled up and asked "Are you having some trouble?" And yet... even though in my head I would be laughing my ass off, I don't think that this could be considered the "shameful joy" of Schadenfreude because I really would have helped him out if I could. Maybe that would be considered "righteous joy" or "Gerechterfreude" if you will.
Anyway, not long after that hot mess, an oncoming car flashed their lights at me. This is usually a warning that a police car is up ahead laying a trap, and I should watch my speed. I definitely appreciated the warning (thanks, man!), but I was already fine because I've been trying really hard not to speed excessively. With budget cutbacks and such, the cops have been issuing a staggering number of tickets lately for even tiny infractions. I can only guess that this is to generate income and justify their not being laid off or something.
But it wasn't the police. It was four deer down by the road having lunch!
Deer make regular appearances here, so you always have to be careful, but I have never seen four of them together like that. I slowed down and gave them a wide berth in case one of them suddenly decided to bolt across the road, but they walked off into the bushes as I approached.
And there was my moment of Mudita... feeling joy that the deer wandered away unharmed and happy.
Most likely because karma ran that stupid asshole right off the road before he could come along and plow over them.
"Gerechterfreude" totally needs to be a word.