As time goes on… so many of my sad memories are fading and only the good ones with my mom are sticking in my head. As I knew they would. But then I run across a TikTok of a Scottish guy taking care of his mother with dementia and it alllllllll comes flooding back to me. I realize that the sad memories can never truly go away… but you’d think they would hurt less by now.

The one that really hit me was this one, because Paint Your Wagon was one of my mom's favorite soundtracks as well...

I sure wish I had seen more of things like this at the time I was living it. Nothing could have really made my life much easier, but I think there would have been some consolation to be had from seeing that you're not alone, and others are struggling with the same situation as you. At the time I was so overwhelmed and completely detached from reality that I never thought to look. I've been RIGHT HERE on a number of occasions...

In the end, I dealt with what was happening to the best of my abilities and did whatever I could think of to make mom's life easier as her mind started slipping away. I know she'd be grateful. I know she'd tell me how wonderful it was that I did what I did. I know this.

But I end up feeling like I failed her just the same.