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Sheeted

Posted on Monday, May 7th, 2012

Dave!For years now I've been buying ridiculously expensive bedsheets under the impression that they were better to sleep on. Egyptian cotton. 1200 thread count. Sateen finish. Etc. Etc.

But last week as I was sweating my balls off during a surprise heatwave, I had an epiphany. Say! These fancy sheets aren't really more comfortable! For one thing, the high thread count and sateen finish seems to trap the heat, making me sweat, which then also becomes trapped. Blech.

Then I remembered back to the sheets I had as a kid. Back then, I didn't give a crap about thread count and finish... the only thing I cared about was what was printed on them. I had Snoopy sheets. Star Wars sheets. Lots of different sheets. They were cheap, shitty, and I slept like a rock...

Dave Sleeping on SHEETS

So when it came time to spend my Shopko gift certificate, I went looking for the crappiest sheets I could fine. They're like... 15 thread count... or whatever. And the finish is rough... almost sandpaper rough. I don't know where the cotton comes from, but it's probably not Egypt. It's probably from like... Trenton, New Jersey or something. Overall, it's like sleeping on steel wool. But they breathe more and feel a bit cooler, which is probably the most important factor for me.

And maybe after a hundred more washings they might just get softer.

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Comments

  1. Jennifer Love says:

    This might sound stupid…but remember how the 60s, 70s, 80s sheets were cooler when you got into bed? Like, it was such a refreshing feeling to get into bed with those cool sheets on a hot summer night. Did I imagine it? I don’t think I did. I have sheets that are from the 70s that were handed down to Doug…and they feel softer, cooler, heavier than the modern sheets. I swear, I’m not crazy. What happened to sheets? Why are they all so yuck now?

  2. Sarah says:

    I love the sheets that feel like old cotton t-shirts. They are so soft, but I always end up shrinking them and then they don’t fit. I don’t even know what kind we have right now. Blue ones?

  3. Kailyn says:

    Spent senior year of college selling sheets. You know that stuff you’re calling 15 is really 180. Used to be the standard for everyday. Now folks want 300+.

    Now towels. Those should totally be Egyptian cotton. Especially if you want something that won’t be completely dry for a few days. Oops. I meant to say if you want something really soft against your skin.

  4. My son has those exact sheets. He sleeps VERY well.

  5. Invader_Stu says:

    But did you get one with a cartoon print? I think you are forgetting how important the cartoon print is in helping you sleep.

  6. Sybil Law says:

    I was just having an online conversation about sheets the other day (and thread count). Sateen most certainly does NOT breathe. Check JC Penney online for some comfy, inexpensive sheets that breathe. (If your sheets really are that cheap I doubt they’ll hold up too well after all those washings!)
    Man, I had these sheets, a quilt and curtains as a kid of a whole farm scene – I LOVED them.
    Also, my favorite outfit was this pink and gray dress with a drop waist and an elephant pocket. It was like, sweatshirt material.
    I miss that, too.

  7. Steve in NH says:

    Hey Dave. It’s not the thread count that’s the problem, it’s the “sateen “weave It is a skip-weave that is then teased — makes a fluffier and slinkier product. I have a beard too and, in addition to being hot, my sateen pillowcases pilled like crazy. Sateen blows but that is practically all they offer us sheep now. You want cool, crisp and comfortable? Go for the high thread count still but look for PERCALE. I recommend Lands End. Their deep fitted and x-tra long flat percale sheets are a joy. Expensive, though.

    Regards,

    Steve

    • Kailyn says:

      Ah. Sateen. That might be why I never have this problem. I only buy percale. I go with percale with a higher thread count.

      But I also like the “t-shirt” ones these days. They are for the cooler months though. When the temperature rises, it’s like being in a sauna.

  8. Seals says:

    The best sheets we own were purchased for $20 at an apple butter festival from a sketchy guy under a plastic tent. They will not last as long as our “better” sheets but they are easily the most comfortable.

  9. martymankins says:

    I so wanted to get a set of Mario sheets for my bed, but my wife protested. Also, they don’t come in king size.

    Hoping these sheets get softer with each washing.

  10. Tracy says:

    OMG. My job now is selling sheets & towels. I can go on all day long about sheets (and I do)…but it is amazing how complicated the industry has made buying bedding, and how brainwashed the general public is about thread count. I have had people call me looking for 1000 thread-count sheets, and get pissed because the highest I have in-store is 800. Seriously? After a certain point, can you *really* tell the difference? I’m glad you found some you like. I always tell my customers that it comes down to personal preference.

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