I worked 16 hours today. I should have worked 16 more. Except that would be 32 hours in a day, which is only possible if you are a government contractor.
In many ways, the long hours are comforting because they take my mind off of things. Things I'd rather not have to think about. Things that fill you with the kind of hopelessness and despair from which it is difficult to escape. Or impossible to escape.
And I don't have time for that now.
Quite a while ago I read that you can have power over such bad feelings if you write them down each night before you go to bed. That way, you've gotten everything out of your head and can move on to happier thoughts.
This never worked for me. If anything it made things worse.
What were once only figments of my imagination became very real after they had been organized into a list of horrors. Horrors that can't be dealt with just before bedtime.
If ever.
And so my worries, failings, and fears stay bottled up in my head where there belong, and that notepad next to my bed stays empty. Which is probably for the best since you really don't want to provide your enemies with a checklist to your destruction.
Unless I'm your enemy, then you definitely want to do that.
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If you actually slept, you could get them out of your system with stress-induced dreams. Me, I just curl up in a ball on the floor.
No way you’re someone’s enemy!
In any case, you definitely aren’t MINE. I think you’re awesome. Truly.
I could never write down the negatives. I’d prefer to focus on the positive things, because I think it gives them strength when they’re written down.
The last paragraph is very profound.
Clearly, you need watermelon beers from 5 Seasons!
*Hugs*? 🙂
I won’t pretend to offer advice, your circumstances aren’t mine and what works for me might be meaningless to you. BUT, for me- the thing about listing problems like that is that I often realize that they’re smaller than I thought once I’ve dragged them out into the light of day.
You *are* awesome, Dave. Chin up, buddy.