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Posted on Thursday, June 9th, 2011

Dave!After I got out of the movies last night I was wanting ice cream, but it was really late and so I decided to ignore my craving for the vile stuff and dream about it instead.

This morning when I woke up my ice cream obsession still there, so I decided to drop by a mini-mart on the way to the studio. I ended up buying a Chocolate-Almond Magnum Ice Cream Bar and a bag of "Original" Taco-Flavored Doritos for breakfast. When I got to work, I tore into them so fast that I think I broke the sound barrier...

Magnum Bar + Doritos = Crazy Delicious Breakfast

So there I was eating ice cream and Doritos when I look up and see that a little boy waiting for the school bus is looking at me through the window and screaming "HE'S EATING ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST!!"

Soon a bunch of kids were pressed against the window pointing and staring at me as I sat there with Dorito-breath and ice cream smeared on my face. Not really wanting to be children's entertainment so early in the morning, I waved goodbye then retreated to the back of the studio so I could eat in peace.

As I was sucking the last remaining bits of chocolate off the ice cream stick and dumping the Dorito crumbs in my mouth, I was starting to feel guilty for being such a bad influence on kids... until I remembered that they were going to public school where they would undoubtedly be snorting cocaine off the bathroom toilet seats, looking at porn in the computer lab, and getting wasted off cheap liquor on the bus-ride home. I'm guessing at least one of the kids was having an affair with his teacher or had gotten a fellow classmate pregnant. All of them had probably been to rehab, and half likely had a police record.

Sure they looked eight years old, but the little bugger grow up so fast now-a-days.

Ah the innocence of youth.

Categories: Food 2011Click To It: Permalink


  1. B.E. Earl says:

    I’m torn about the “orginal” Taco Doritos. One the one hand, I remember the original Taco Doritos. And you, sir, are no original Taco Doritos.

    On the other hand…they are still really fucking good. I dunno about eating them with an ice cream bar for breakfast, but I ain’t judging.

  2. i went to public school. i’ve never done a line or the smallest of snorts (afraid to like cocaine too much), our computer lab barely allowed us to type a letter, i got wasted off of pricey liquor on the way to school (never on the way home), the only teacher i made out with was a young substitute, i managed not to get pregnant, although a few friends did i never went to rehab and i avoided the police report part since my dad was a city k-9 cop who terrified most of the police officers who had the misfortune of picking me up.
    sadly, all of the above is true. such a miracle i survived. sigh.
    and i think you were an inspiration to those kids to stay in school and get a good job so they could travel the world while eating ice cream for breakfast. yay, you!

  3. Stacey says:

    When I was a kid my mom once tried to feed me ice cream for dinner and I had a FIT. I explained to her that ice cream is not a real dinner.

    As an adult I’ve eaten ice cream for dinner (or lunch, or breakfast) more times than I can count.

  4. Sybil Law says:

    Dude – you’re their HERO!!

  5. martymankins says:

    I may have had ice cream for breakfast at some point in my life. But never had the audience of children watching me eat it.

    As for Doritos, I’m proud to say I have had them for breakfast many times. Taco flavor Doritos rule!

  6. Mary Sue says:

    Dude, I would have sat there and eaten it with great enjoyment in front of them, to remind them that it might suck now, being a kid and all with everyone always telling you what to do.

    But when they grow up, they, too, could have ice cream for breakfast.

  7. kapgar says:

    “Innocence”? Now, really, who’s the one taking drugs here?

  8. Suebob says:

    I’m proud of you. You gave them something to live for. Yes, kiddos, grow up and be gainfully employed and you, too, can eat ice cream for breakfast!

  9. Donna says:

    That brings back memories of driving to NH to buy Boone’s Farm Tickle Pink (99 cents a gallon) because they only sold the strawberry flavour in MA. I didn’t drink in school, before school or after school though.

  10. This post brought me so much joy 🙂 Thanks for perfectly describing those little buggers staring at you.

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