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Rapture!

Posted on Friday, May 20th, 2011

Dave!THE END IS NIGH?

The Rapture isn't one of those things I believe in, per se. I mean, I believe that it's something that many people believe in, but that's as far as it goes. Which means that I'm going to be one of the people left behind if it ends up being the real deal, I guess.

And it all happens tomorrow, if you believe the wacky secret Bible code that Harold Camping claims to have uncovered. There are different interpretations of what actually happens in The Rapture, but I'd like to believe it involves Blondie, a big party, and plenty of champagne...

DAVETOON: Lil' Dave and Bad Monkey Party The Rapture

Though none of those things appear in Scripture when it comes to what is supposed to happen.

THAT is something entirely different. Though just how different is difficult to interpret, even for people like me who spent years studying The Bible. The most common belief is that millions of Christ's followers will disappear from the face of the earth, then a timeline starts which has oceans turning to blood, mountains burning, the Antichrist popping up, the ultimate return of Jesus to rule for 1000 years, followed by the eventual end of everything we know... replaced by a new heaven and a new earth.

Presumably an earth that's nowhere near as messed-up as the one we have now.

Of course there are other Christian scholars who have an entirely different opinion as to what happens. Some believe that nobody literally disappears during The Rapture. Others believe that The Rapture is just a teaching tool, and not an actual event that happens in real life. Still others believe that The Rapture has already happened. Harold Camping believes that after The Rapture happens tomorrow, the earth will be destroyed five months later on October 21st. He doesn't specify a time zone (that I know of) so I have no idea when we're supposed to start drinking...

Pants Crapper

In the end, nobody has a definitive answer, just something they believe is correct.

Personally, my studies lead me to believe that The Rapture can't take place until after Oprah airs her final show on the 25th. After that, it's anybody's guess.

Anybody except Harold Camping. This will be the second time he screwed-up when picking a date (September of 1994 was the first)... so he can just go fuck off and die now. NO RAPTURE FOR YOU!

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Categories: DaveToons 2011, News - Politics 2011Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. Invader_Stu says:

    I wonder how everyone who sold off their house will feel after tomorrow.

  2. Ha! I thought it said somewhere in the bible that no man may know when the end comes, that was for the Lord to know, and us to find out, not that I pretend to study the bible or any religious text for that matter, so doesn’t that put good ol’ Harold on God’s shit list already?? I can see God saying, “Me dammit Harold! I said no one would know when the worldis gonna end but me, so go suck on a bottle of Geritol and fuck off!”

    Heh….

  3. Ren says:

    For some reason I’m reminded of Greg Egan’s Distress, which I think is a bit odd since I never considered it as biblical allegory when I read it.

  4. Sybil Law says:

    Hahahaha – your picture is awesome! (Well, both of them, but specifically the “crapped my pants”, one!)

  5. Peggy Archer says:

    My only regret is that I didn’t find a way to scam these people (post-rapture pet sitting).

    Darn.

  6. timothy says:

    Yes, I remember memorising that verse about the final episode of Oprah when I was a kid. I’ve forgotten the scripture reference, but the ending of her era is a sign o’ the times. Nothing of great significance can happen until after she has had her day.

  7. robert dean says:

    I like your version of rapture over Harold Camping’s version especially since the Earth is to be destroyed on my birthday in October. bummer.

  8. martymankins says:

    Since I am leaving this comment, it means I wasn’t Raptured.

    And we all get to see Oprah’s last show.

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