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Posted on Monday, May 17th, 2010

Dave!Last night I got a call from an old girlfriend that I had dated briefly sometime during the Clinton years. She opened the conversation by first telling me I was a difficult guy to track down, then secondly telling me that she's getting married. This was bizarre for two reasons... 1) I am living at the same place and working at the same job and am pretty sure I have the same mobile phone number as I did back when we were dating... and 2) It makes no sense that she'd be calling a guy she dated for five minutes a decade ago to share wedding plans.


      Yeah. She wants me to photograph her wedding AND design her invitations. As a friend.

i.e. FREE.

I thanked her for the lovely opportunity, then explained that... 1) I'm not a professional photographer so I wouldn't be comfortable with the responsibility of documenting her wedding... and 2) I don't have time to design anything right now because my work schedule is packed for the next six months.


This was not something I had planned to blog about, but I've spent most of my day questioning the whole conversation and just don't give a crap who sees this. Because I really gotta know...

      Am I the only one who thinks that this is the tackiest phone call ever?


Because, honestly, I just don't get it.

As a guy, I've been taken advantage of by women all my life. But usually it's because there's a faint hope that there will be something in it for me. But in THIS case... SHE'S GETTING MARRIED!


What's in it for me this time? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I guess I'm just supposed to do all this out of the goodness of my own heart for old-time's sake? For somebody I barely remember? Really?

I guess I'm just an insensitive bastard.

Or sane.

One or the other.

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Categories: DaveLife 2010Click To It: Permalink


  1. usedtobeme says:

    Nope. You’re not the only one who thinks it’s tacky. Some people’s kids.

  2. Sarah says:

    That’s super tacky. I can’t imagine calling someone up who I haven’t spoken too in years just to ask them to do something for me because I don’t want to pay for it.

    That’s pretty low.

  3. Andy Hayes says:

    Slightly creepy? No.

    Absolutely mother-f_cking terrifying? Indeed.

    Caller ID, man. Caller ID.

  4. I blame the slew of wedding on the cheap shows on WE, Oxygen, and lifetime that give all these “wonderful” hints on how to save money on your dream wedding. Tacky, tacky, tacky. That is unfortunately one of the ways they tout heavily…

    “Know someone who you may still have emotional ties to? Exploit that shit as fast as you can so you can save a buck or two!”

    Sigh, glad I got married in Vegas. $2000 and I didn’t have to do crap but show up in a dress with a groom.

    • Dave2 says:

      I don’t blame people for wanting the best wedding they can afford… I just can’t imagine exploiting people you barely know to get it? What kind of wedding would that be?

  5. Jules says:

    I have to side with tacky. Actually, really gross.

  6. Sybil Law says:

    Are we sure she’s a female? Because that kind of tacky bullshit takes some serious cajones.
    Really. Super tacky.

  7. Barnmavne says:

    Holy crap. Talk about having a serious deficit of class. She’s a real piece of work! Don’t worry, you’re not the one lacking the sensitivity chip, she is. Unbelievable.

  8. RW says:

    So you said no?

  9. Etienne says:

    Yeah, it’s kinda like “Hey, Loser, how’d you like to feel like more of a loser and etc…..for free, too” I’m sure Flo the Progressive Insurance salesgirl would tell her “Ooh, That’s cold!”,too.

  10. You can call me, 'Sir' says:

    An insensitive sane bastard. Truly the worst of the worst.

    • Dave2 says:

      Well, you set a goal… then you do everything you can to achieve that goal… and one day you finally make it! I’ve been dreaming of being a sane bastard since I was six years old, and here I am!

  11. Colleen says:

    I bet you are sorry you let that little peach get away! Tacky with a capital T.

  12. It’s very tacky. Which is why you should say yes. And paste the photobomb squirrel into all of her pictures and put Bad-Picking-His-Nose-Monkey on all her invitations.

    That’ll learn her.

    • Dave2 says:

      The terrible part is that when you do something for free, most people actually end up being more demanding than paying clients! It’s a no-win scenario, that’s for sure. I’m happy to endure it for friends and family… but people who are practically strangers?

  13. Rick says:

    No question it’s tacky and BECAUSE it’s tacky, I might’ve made a counter offer.

  14. Ren says:

    Oh, that reminds me: I need you to whip up a couple of logo designs for me. I know you’re busy, but these are super easy and I don’t need them ’til this Friday, so you should have plenty of time. I’ll try to get the specs to you sometime before lunch on Friday.


    PS: I was thinking that it went without saying that I can’t really justify paying you for this, and it’s not like you’d even ask, but I decided to mention it here just for clarity.

  15. christopher stogdill says:

    I don’t think that is tacky at all.

    Tacky is simply not the right word. To call someone up after a decade and try to impose that level of servitude is WAY beyond tacky, unless she let you do some freaky shit to her and got blackmail evidence….and I mean FREAKY, as in congressional-level weird stuff of a sexual nature.

    I doubt that is the case or you would have cleared your schedule, done the work, and never spoke about it again once the negatives were burned and witnesses dead and buried.

    The sad part is that this girl is probably going to become a major breeder. Dumbasses tend to be…it’s part of the survival mechanism. They need the increased numbers to offset death by stupidity.

  16. Finn says:

    Beyond tacky. I do hope you got across the fact that you barely remember her. You know, like saying “who?” four or five times when she said her name.


  17. Chris says:

    You’re sane and that’s tacky beyond belief.

  18. sizzle says:

    Soooo tacky. Wow.

    At first I thought she was going to ask you to give her your semen for procreation purposes. Yeah, that’s where my mind wandered.

  19. Hilly says:

    I couldn’t even fathom sorta kinda doing that to someone. What kind of crazy-balls does it take to call up your ex, who you haven’t spoken to, and ask him to do you a favor for free? Not only is it tacky but it reminds me of certain kind of person who always is looking for that monetary angle. I mean, how the hell did that discussion go with her fiancΓ©e anyway?

    “Hey so this dude I used to fuck? I think I’m gonna hit him up to do some free stuff for us. Now I MAY have to suck him off but you know, anything for free invitations!”.


  20. LeSombre says:

    As a guy who used to be “the guy with a decent camera” years ago, I say that you should’ve said yes to the pictures part. And then spend the whole time taking butt shots and cleavage shots. Or some random bird on the grass. Empty pew in the church. Close-up of the priest’s left nostril.

    Yeah, I’m not asked to take pictures at weddings anymore.

    • Dave2 says:

      When I was dating the gal, I was going through a heavy photography phase, and so she probably just thought I’d do a decent enough job for free that she could avoid paying somebody (wedding photographers are expensive!). The problem is that it’s not just taking the photos… it’s the hours and hours of editing and cropping and making sure that the priest’s left nostril is centered in the frame… THAT’S what sucks up all your time!

  21. Poppy says:

    If you can’t afford the cost associated with getting married then either: a) scale back; b) don’t get married.

    But don’t be a fucking slimeball and call your barely really an ex and ask him to do you a solid even though he owes you nothing for anything.

    • Dave2 says:

      Yeah. YEAH!! Because I totally paid for the movies and dinners and stuff when we went out… SHE’S the one who owes ME!!

      I wonder if she’d photograph my wedding?

      Assuming I ever get married, that is.

  22. delmer says:

    That’s certainly an odd call.

    A year or so ago an old girlfriend (the one I used to jokingly say, “left me the hollow shell of a man I now am) popped up on FB and friended me. In an email she sent me she said, “I’ve periodically wondered what happened to you.” I can only assume she never Googled my first name. (Oh… she didn’t want anything from me… just to say ‘hello.’)

  23. A. Lewis says:

    Well, you must have done something exponential and huge for her to remember you…….

  24. Tracy Lynn says:

    Not only do I think it’s tacky as hell, Bev Kaply would smack her. That girl needs a dummy slap.

  25. This kicks ass. Last night right before I read this, I had a run in with a guy I used to know who is so fucking selfish and rude. I used to be rather smitten with him, and the brief encounter made me wonder wtf I was thinking. Then I read this entry – I’m so glad you turned this bitch down! I can’t imagine the nerve.

    I’m not sure dudes and chicks were made to go together. Just a thought.

  26. The Momshell says:

    Shaking my head in dismay. I can’t even imagine what line of thinking could result in this gal mustering up the gonads to do something so out of line. I know that as nice guys go you take the cake, but seriously, this girl has lost her mind.

  27. Stacey says:

    But, how did she take the rejection? Did she get it?

    • Dave2 says:

      Uhhh… okay, I guess. She just laughed it off and said she’d look into other options she had.

      Kind of anticlimactic, I know! πŸ™‚

  28. muskrat says:

    Tell that bitch to be cool. Say, “Bitch, be cool!”

    That’s what I think, anyway.

  29. timothy says:

    Tacky, tacky, tacky.

  30. I had to read that twice to make sure I hadn’t missed something as “are you effin’ kidding me?” were the first words I could think of. Tacky doesn’t even quite describe it. Mate, you’re completely sane.

    • Dave2 says:

      Thanks! I will print out this comment and hang it on the wall of my office. Proof that I’m sane is something I never thought I’d have!

  31. Avitable says:

    You should have said okay, and then paid a homeless guy $10 to show up naked and drunk with a disposable camera.

    • Dave2 says:

      Why should I pay some homeless guy $10?!? I am perfectly capable of showing up naked and drunk with a disposable camera all by myself!

  32. kim gellman says:

    Wow, that’s pretty tacky I have to agree with everyone else.. but as sizzle said, I was thinking she wanted something else along those lines she mentioned..

  33. martymankins says:

    This bothers me on many levels. Your professional response to her was great. This blog post that explains the tackiness of her phone call and question is great.

    You are officially sane in my book.

  34. Mary says:

    Absolutely, tacky. Does the exact reason matter? No, but they could all work.

    And I loooove Muskrat’s reponse. ” Bitch,be cool.”

    Ha, yep it was a sad attempt on your ex’s part to make you feel shitty. Which btw, makes you wonder just how great she feels to be getting married. Yep.

  35. Suebob says:

    There’s something about design and photography that makes people think it ought to be free. Maybe because you create something from nothing…they wouldn’t ask a carpenter to bring over all the wood and build a deck, but since you don’t have to buy a lot of materials for design, it seems like it pops up spontaneously from the ethers.

    I used to have people ask me to do ridiculous design things for them all the time for free. When I was young and naive, I did a couple charity things that made me realize that it just wasn’t worth it – because they weren’t paying, they felt even MORE free to waste my time with stupid meetings than regular clients did.

    One meeting was with a husband/wife team who literally would not speak to each other. They were so dysfunctional that I had to say “Susan, Bob seems to think we need a photo of the venue, what do you think?” and “Bob, Susan says that everyone knows where the community center is and a photo isn’t necessary.”


    • Dave2 says:

      Many charities I’ve worked with have been exceedingly grateful for the help. But every once in a while, you get somebody who thinks that they are doing you a colossal favor by making you work for free. It would be comical if it weren’t so sad. It definitely makes me want to reconsider future charity work.

  36. Lisa says:

    What’s funny (to me anyway) is this sounds like something my sister would do. She can take tacky to a whole new level that makes me wonder if we really did find her in the gutter like I used to tell her.

    Tacky with cheese on top!

    • Dave2 says:

      Which is really the only way to serve tacky. Just throwing it on a plate and dropping it on the table is lame. The cheese makes all the difference!

  37. Stacey says:

    Did she ask you to film the honeymoon too?

  38. jenny says:

    You’re missing the bigger picture here, Dave. Photographing her wedding and designing her invites free of charge could lead to all sorts of new business opportunities to photograph her friends’ weddings and design their invites free of charge.

    Now get out there and do your part to put the “free” in free-lance, man!

  39. Robin says:

    Wow. Just wow. People really bother me sometimes….especially when they pull redonkulous bullshit like this.

    I love Muscrat’s comment, by the way….

  40. Jennifer B says:

    At least you are not the lucky bastard that gets to marry this really awful person.

    • Dave2 says:

      Yeah, but if I WAS the one marrying her, I wouldn’t be able to photograph my own wedding… that’s an even better excuse than the one I gave!

  41. Etienne says:

    Thinking you should combine everyone’s suggestions:
    You could just simply recycle image of Bad Monkey crapping on Colins doorstep on the invitation.
    Then, show up with a disposable camera in a drunken-boor-Rodney-Dangerfield kinda way, asking things like “are you gonna eat that?” and saying things like what a great lay the bride was but, she’s still a cheap as ever since she got you to do it all for free. Finally, end up sobbing incontrollably telling everyone that she was really the only love of your life and you only agreed to do it so you could be near her, etc.
    Y’know make it memorable for her.

  42. You shoulda put on like you’d do it, all excited, and when she got all excited, slammed her down with an equally ridiculous favour (in that Bitch Please Dave Tone I know SO WELL,) like wiping your ass for a month.
    She’s a total asshole.

  43. GΓΆran says:

    Fine, go ahead and ruin her ONE day in life you savage brute!!! πŸ˜‰

  44. MB says:

    WOW…what a cheap bitch. You should have told her you didn’t have time to do the invitations but would be honored to be her wedding photographer and then pull a no-show on the big day. When she calls freaking out, all you have to say is “you get what you pay for.”

    I’ve done a few weddings for friends and family and a rich-bitch friend of my brother’s told him she was going to get a “real professional” to do her wedding instead of asking me. She had him call me the night of her wedding because her photographer didn’t show up and she wanted me to rush out to do it for her. Yeah, ok, sure, I’ll rush right over on New Year’s Eve to save the day … NOT.

  45. mrs. hall says:

    um. kind of late here. but. i am notorious for sponging off people I love. I’m getting better but still, I’ll admit to sponging and mooching and being kind of selfish at my core.


    seriously. WTF with that chickadee? I mean, I always have something to give in return for my mooching (for friends, it’s hugs and fun times, for my husband . . . . um… moving on . . )

    But this chick had nothing. What a user!

    so glad you didn’t be a nice guy and just do it.

    way to be a man!


  46. Beth says:

    I guess she felt like she was such a good piece of tail that you should be paying her back for years to come…wow. Unthinkable.

  47. Aargh says:

    Why the nerve of some people. I would be speechless and then would fall off my chair laughing. Some people are crazy and not in a good way.

  48. kilax says:

    This is especially ridiculous, because wedding photos are one of the most expensive things! To think that she thought she would get them for free is very humorous.

  49. I only have one question about this situation. What were you ever doing dating a girl like that when you are so awesome? Clearly she has no respect for others if she felt fine asking you to do this!

  50. Michelle Quan says:

    So going by the timeline I have to assume this is NOT the pantyhose chick.

  51. Alexander says:

    Kind of like the friend from high school (a right wing republican nutjob) who, several years ago, remarried (why can’t these people STAY married?) and ended up with a 12-year old daughter in the deal. Anyhow, after not hearing from him for a decade, he sent me an invitation to her bat mitzva as well as a list of suggested GIFTS.

    Did I go? Not only no, but HELL TO THE NO.

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