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Altitude

Posted on Friday, November 20th, 2009

Dave! GAH! What a horrific day this has been. The only way it could have been worse would be if the police got involved. Though, to be honest, I think my life would be a lot easier if I had a police escort everywhere I go, so maybe I said that too hastily. Where are Crocket and Tubbs when you need them?

Things started with a lovely drive to the airport, which was fraught with peril because the usual round of dumbasses were on the road with me. My favorite was a car that ran a red light at a four-way intersection, swerved into a ditch, bounced out of the ditch, then drove away with his trunk flying open... the door flapping up and down as he sped off. Seriously, where are Crocket and Tubbs when you need them?!?

Once at the airport, I paid the ABSURDLY STUPID $15 FEE to check my bag, and away I went.

My first flight was worse than usual because one of those "guys-who-are-compelled-to-tell-their-life-story-to-unwilling-strangers" sat across the aisle from me... regaling his seat-mate with fascinating tales of his painfully ordinary life... FROM BIRTH! The worst part? HE FINISHED HIS LIFE STORY BEFORE WE EVEN TOOK OFF! Which you'd think would be a good thing, because he wouldn't have anything else left to talk about, right? Wrong! He then had to embellish the mundane tales he had already told... this time with BONUS DRAMA!

After landing I went to board my connecting flight, only to be told I had to go stand in line at the service counter so I could trade in my ticket in for a boarding pass. Thank heavens for that, because what this world totally needs is to manufacture even MORE paper waste for no good reason other than the gate agent is too frackin' lazy to type in my seat number manually, and needs a bar-code to do the job for him. After (finally) getting on the stupid plane, I grab the in-flight magazine where the airline is touting some kind of "green initiative" to reduce waste and recycle more. Usually such hypocritical bullshit is accompanied by a laugh-track, but this time there wasn't one so I had a hard time finding anything funny about it.

The flight itself was fairly uneventful, except for some cackling whore who was laughing her ass off at ear-splitting volume for a good portion of the 5-hour flight. Even with my iPod turned up to 11, I could still hear her stupid ass yucking it up, which was just irritating enough for me to wish her dead... but not irritating enough for me to wander back and choke the ever-loving-shit out of her.

The in-flight map and stats package was borked, as the arrival time was over two hours off and we never flew above 0 ft. altitude for the entire trip. This seemed quite dangerous considering we were going 550 miles per hour...

Flight Stats Showing Us Flying at 0 Feet!

The sunset and in-flight internet were nice though...

The Horizon at Sunset

After landing, I grabbed my suitcase and hopped a shuttle to my hotel at the airport. After checking into my room, I did not pass GO! I did not collect $200. I instead went straight to the bar for dinner and drinking...

It's a Stella Beer on the Bar!

Now that I'm back in my room, it's obvious I didn't drink enough. There's some kind of college event being held here, and people are running up and down the halls screaming and having parties in their rooms. At 11:30pm at night. Which is great for those of us who actually want to try and get some sleep.

Typical.

Can't catch a break... even after the day is done


Categories: Travel 2009Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. Christopher says:

    Ouch….sorry to hear about your day. Travel can kind of suck…..I feel you.

  2. Damn, sounds like the kind of day that I would have!

  3. josh says:

    You should crash all those transient hotel room frat partiez and whoop all their asses in beer pongz. Or you could be like me and take a shot of Majorska and spend the rest of the night vomming in some strange bitch’s bathroom.

  4. Michelle M. says:

    What a sucky day (except for the beer). I’m thinking after 20 more years of dealing with dumbasses you’re going to either be A)the most crotchety man alive or B)implode.

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