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Posted on Monday, April 13th, 2009

Dave!After a long and very difficult day, all I wanted to do was pick up a bag of lettuce and some cheese I needed for the dinner I was planning, go home, eat, and go to bed. Simple, right?

Of course, nothing is nearly as simple as you'd think it would be. Not these days.

There I am in the cheese aisle at the grocery store looking for a bag of medium cheddar shreds. But all the cheeses are mixed up, and I'm having a hard time finding what I want. As I'm searching, I hear two women talking loudly nearby, but ignore them. At least I do until something runs into me.

So I turn to see that one of the women who is pushing a plastic shopping cart made to look like a truck for kids to ride in has bumped into me. Except her kid is not actually in the fake truck, but instead buzzing around the two ladies. Thinking that I was run into accidentally because the woman was trying to manage her child, I ignored it and went back to searching.

Until I am ran into again. This time harder.

So I look up and suddenly realize that she was not running into me by accident. She is running into me intentionally because she wants me to move.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?" I say, instantly pissed off.

Which results in her unloading a stream of rapid-fire Spanish that I don't understand.

Near the boiling point, I ignore her and say "You ram that thing into me one more time and I'm wrapping it around your neck."

Then I go back to searching for cheese, taking my time and seething with rage. I've heard the phrase "I'm going to cut a bitch" bantered around and always thought it was funny. But if I had a knife on my at that moment, I'm pretty sure I would have cut a bitch for reals...

DAVETOON: Bad Monkey Gonna Cut a Bitch!

Seriously, what the hell? Is this where we're at as a society now? I know we've already reached unprecedented levels of rudeness, but intentionally ramming into people with shopping carts? Really?!? People are so lazy that they can't be bothered to park their cart and walk over to what they want... now they just run into people so they don't have to be bothered?

Well that's just fine.

I can only hope that I remember to leave my knives at home from here on out, or I guess I'm going to end up in prison for manslaughter sooner rather than later.

Categories: DaveLife 2009Click To It: Permalink


  1. Whitenoise says:

    Wow, I’ve never experienced anything like that. She was definitely an oddball, maybe that’s how they do it wherever she’s from.

  2. NYCWD says:

    Was this in New York?

    This sounds like something a New Yorker would do… but then we WOULD actually cut the bitch.

    Food shopping saddens me.

  3. Kyra says:

    I’ve had people run into me intentionally with their carts too, but I think your encounter sounds much more dramatic. I don’t know why people can’t be polite with one another anymore. It seriously depresses me.

    Uh, so, did she do anything else when you yelled at her, or did she suddenly develop the ability to wait patiently?

  4. shiny says:

    Your blog is in the way of Avitable’s blog in my feedreader. Please move it.


  5. beth says:

    O.M.G.!! I would have totally lost it on that one. Seriously, in what reality does that even ‘seem’ like a good idea??

  6. sizzle says:

    I will write you when you are in prison.

  7. A Lewis says:

    I’ll dig the 6 foot deep hole for her and the kids…so, you knife her and cut her up and I’ll bury her. I’d have said the same thing.

  8. Leslie says:

    Note to self: Learn to say “You stupid cow. Get that cart away from me or I will shove it where the sun don’t shine” in Spanish for Tennessee and French for when I go back to Vermont.

  9. You are much kinder than I am. I would have gone NUTS on that COW.

  10. Finn says:

    Are you sure you weren’t in South Florida? It sounds like something someone would do here.

    As much as I hate to stereotype, I find that people from South America (don’t know if that was your bitch, but it fits) are incredibly rude and have no problem shoving you out of the way if they deem it necessary. We get a lot of them here as tourists so I have too much experience with them.

    And they say Americans are rude.

  11. DutchBitch says:

    Whew… I am glad I didn’t piss you off in London… There were knives there, right there on the table…

  12. sue says:

    Yikes. What happened to being polite?

  13. Iron Fist says:

    I think you should carry a giant steak knife around with you at all times. Just in case.

  14. claire says:

    You haven’t been following Gibbs’ rule #9: Never go anywhere without a knife. I try at least to have folding scissors on me…

  15. Robin says:

    She actually rammed you? Like seriously?

    I would so take up a collection to make sure you had enough for your prison commissary.

  16. Colleen says:

    Give her the universal sign of f-u…and smile..gets them everytime!

  17. Robin says:

    So apparently the phrase “pardon me” is not in her vocabulary.

    I’ll help hide the body.

  18. suze says:

    Wow. Just wow – that is beyond rude. I’m pretty sure I would have grabbed her cart and pushed back. And I hate confrontation…

  19. annie says:

    This is why I don’t live in the city.
    Or shop.
    Or go around crowds of people, in general.

  20. Sybil Law says:

    I’ve had that happen to me by some old lady, and at first I thought she was just old and out of it, but when she did it like, the 4th time, I turned to her and said, “If you keep hitting me with your cart, I will pay for my groceries with pennies and take forEVER to count them out”, and she never acknowledged that I said anything, but she did stop the cart ramming.
    I am with B.E. Earl – I freaking hate people.

  21. Kirsten says:

    Yesterday I got run down by a lady who was trying to look at the same pork chops I was trying to see. She nudged me just enough to push me into the people behind me. I didn’t say anything, though, because she looked like she was on drugs and she had a black eye, and I’ll admit I’m not tough enough to take that on.

    Sometimes I think that when I go into a store I’m wearing an Invisibility Cloak, except no one told me I put the darn thing on.

  22. Stacey says:

    Cause “excuse me” is so hard to say. That’s ridiculous. I would have lost my shit.

  23. TheQueen says:

    I’m not one to defend people with children, but is there a chance tat what she was saying in spanish was “I am so terribly sorry my child says you remind him of his dead father and I am so so alone so the child said I shold tap you with my cart but i became overwhelmed with lust and rammed you” maybe?

  24. Crail00 says:

    She should have been carted away.

  25. the patient says:

    This seems like it might be a bit more premeditated…

    I offered my hand to help some people yesterday. Though they declined, I still offered. So there.

  26. Pooba~ says:

    Just found you… and wonder how old is your 100 ? ? I wanted to comment on so many of them… but if they are old and out-dated -> why should I bother… I’d rather run into your ankles in the grocery store… tee hee…

  27. Dave2 says:

    Since my “100 Things About Me” is a featured tab on my site, I update it as needed… though most of the information can’t get outdated. Unless I discover that my parents have been lying to me all these years about when I was born or something like that.

    But maybe you shouldn’t bother anyway… sounds like you’ve got a lot better things to do.

  28. Pooba~ says:

    … yeah ! ! ! where are your ankles when I need them ? ! ! !

  29. Poppy says:

    I only have angry, hateful words to place into this box so I’ll keep them to myself. I’ll just say that I approve of your reaction and may use it next time it happens to me, which should be within the next 3to 8 hours.

  30. Kris says:

    I would’ve definitely gone all ginsu on her ass. She didn’t even have the common decency to swear at you in English.

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