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Broadway

Posted on Monday, April 6th, 2009

Dave!Sigh. It's my last day in New York.

Times Square has pretty much become a tourist wasteland, which means you run into all kinds of crazy advertising that's inundating you with a non-stop stream of exaggeration and outright lies... like billboards claiming "Dollhouse is this year's most exciting television show!" and "Sean Hannity on FOX News... You Know He's Right!". But the best hype of all comes from the Broadway critic teaser quotes that are plastered on the outside of the theaters. They're all so ridiculously over the top that one has to question the sanity of it all. There's a lot to choose from, but here's my favorite so far...

Ache With Pleasure Sign

Now, when I see a sign advertising something as being "so exciting it makes you ache with pleasure," the last thing I expect to see when I turn around is THIS...

West Side Story

West Side Story?!? Uhhh... seriously? I don't even think anybody gets naked in it!

What kills me is the insane shit that critics will say just to get their stupid crap quoted and their name up in lights.

I'm seriously thinking that I missed my calling, because whoring for critic quote recognition is a job I was MADE for...

 

THIS IS ONE PUSSY THAT'S SO INTENSE... SO DELICIOUS... SO PLEASURABLE...
YOU'LL BE PAYING TO EXPERIENCE ITS THRILLING SENSATIONS AGAIN AND AGAIN!
David Simmer II — Blogography

Cats

 

WHEN IT COMES TO ORGASM-INDUCING ACTS, NOTHING CAN COMPETE WITH WATCHING
THIS HOT MAMMA OPEN HER MOUTH AND PERFORM HER MAGIC ON YOU!
David Simmer II — Blogography

Mamma Mia

 

HERE'S A WILD ANIMAL SO VORACIOUS AND SEXY IT WILL DEVOUR YOUR DESIRE AND LEAVE YOU
BEGGING TO BE RAVAGED SOME MORE! I WAS ROARING WITH GRATIFICATION AND ESTACY!
David Simmer II — Blogography

The Lion King

 

LOOKING FOR A PLEASURE THAT'S DEEPER, WETTER, AND MORE SATISFYING THAN YOU'VE EVER KNOWN?
I HAVE A SWEET PIECE OF TAIL IN MIND YOU'LL BE DYING TO TRY OUT FOR YOURSELF!
David Simmer II — Blogography

The Little Mermaid

   

And on that note, I should probably go to bed and try to get at least a little sleep tonight. These early-morning flights are killing me.


Categories: Travel 2009Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. Shannon says:

    I know you can’t wait for the Spiderman musical coming to Broadway in 2010. Sadly, I’m not joking . . .

  2. Shash says:

    I laughed, I cried, I pissed myself. ;)

    Have a safe trip home!

  3. Remind me to call you when I’m ready for a new tagline…the mind can only imagine!

  4. Um, one for The Lion King, please . . .

  5. Whitenoise says:

    You’re a very funny man. ;-)

  6. Robin says:

    Who knew Broadway would make me all hot and bothered??

  7. Avitable says:

    You’ve found your new calling!

  8. Sybil Law says:

    Hahahaha!
    You should DEFINITELY be a critic!!!

  9. Hilly says:

    Wow, you actually managed to make Cats sound exciting and awesome. They really *should* hire you to do their advertising. :)

  10. A Lewis says:

    Umm….The Lion King…..Umm.

  11. Oh my gosh, this is the funniest blog post I’ve seen in a long time. ROFL ROFL ROFL! Thanks for making me laugh today, I have a midterm later, and I really needed that momentary break… It was “ESTACY”

  12. “I HAVE A SWEET PIECE OF TAIL IN MIND…”. Thanks very much. Coffee, meet keyboard, via nose.

  13. Robin says:

    This is hysterical…and exactly why I hesitate to log onto your blog at work every morning—I never know what I will find there! ;-)

  14. martymankins says:

    Are you in advertising? Because if you are not, you should be.

    Sold out shows everywhere.

  15. delmer says:

    I sooo wanted to see Mama Mia when it came to Columbus.

  16. whall says:

    I’d totally help fund davethecritic.com

  17. Faiqa says:

    Hahahahahaha! OMG, so funny. So, anyway, hahahahaha!!!

  18. suze says:

    heehee.

    Are they just milking the entire Disney catalogue and turning them into Broadway shows? Little Mermaid? Really?

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