I stopped taking all the pain medication I was prescribed because my kidney stone has apparently disappeared. This is a real mystery and has me wondering where the heck it went, but I'm so happy that I'm finding it hard to care. Unless, of course, it is just hiding somewhere temporarily and comes back again. The sneaky bastard.
The problem is that the medication was masking the daily aches and pains that I usually have from my joint problems, and now they've all come back. This is a major bummer, and has given me an entirely new appreciation of drug addiction. Who wouldn't want to have a pain-free life, after all?
Of course, given how shitty "life" is now-a-days, I've also been given an entirely new appreciation of alcoholism. Who wouldn't want to live oblivious to all the world's fucked-up problems, after all?
Of course, given that it's difficult to hold a job when you're popping pills and drowning in alcohol, I've also been given an entirely new appreciation of gambling addiction. Who wants to work when they can just win money for free, after all?
Of course, given all that drinking, drug-abuse, and gambling, I've also been given an entirely new appreciation for Depends Brand Adult Diapers. Who wants to haul their drunk, drugged-up, broke ass off the sofa to go to the bathroom, after all?
So the next time you see me hanging around in a diaper all stoned, drunk, and begging for cash, well... now you know why...
It's because I want my life to be perfect and pain-free.
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So if I ever fall into a depraved state of alcoholism, drug abuse, gambling, and adult diaper wearing, can I just refer people here for an explanation?
I can spare a dollar so you can buy some more hooch.
I … see nothing wrong with this plan.
Actually, I found that lifestyle highly over-rated… ;-(
The fact that I totally just pictured you like that worries me a bit. 😉
Glad the kidney stone has somehow vaporized. Now if only that joint pain would, too. My grandpa gave me some good advice when I was a kid: Don’t get old.
…and you wonder why I drink so much wine? ;o)
Did the drugs work that well that you didn’t even realize you’d passed the stone? Yipes. Oh, and alcoholism for the win I feel.
Should I send you a bottle of Jager? Just cut out the pan-handling middle-man?
Hahahaha!
I am SO sharing this…
I’m willing to hand deliver you some Jager. I’m a giver.
Hrm… I come to catch up and find this post. You have me worried, Dave. 🙂
Shall we make this the standard outfit for Bitch-terdam? I mean, seems comfy…
Fantastic, Dave. The writing is really excellent on this one. It made me smile with pure delight.
lol you funny! I had gall stones and drank my way through the pain………… getting messed up is one of life’s joys
Glad you’re no longer in pain. I had to quite drinking for a while… drank myself into kidney pain over spring break haha. back to my usual habits now 🙂
Jack is my fave.