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Bullet Sunday 118 – Day Two: Cologne

Posted on Sunday, February 1st, 2009

Dave!I'm pretty exhausted, so this Bullet Sunday may or may not make sense.

In other words, it's the same as every other day here at Blogography.

• Approval. If you were reading my blog last year around this time, you might remember Disapproving Man. He lived in a window I passed every time I walk to or from my hotel here in Cologne. On my way to work... he's there. Back from work... he's there. Out to dinner... he's there. He's always there. Always looking at me with that disapproving smirk, mocking me...

Disapproving Man

Well now Disapproving Man has been replaced by Disapproving WOMAN! Just look at her! She has that exact same smirk on her face...

Disapproving Woman says "You could never satisfy me sexually"

What a bastard she is! I don't know how I'm going to survive her glare of judgement first thing every morning!

• Psychotic. You may also remember that last year I got an official Kölner Karneval scarf. I wore it even though there was a clown on the thing because it made me look totally hot...

Dave Scarf

This year the scarf is even more terrifying. The clown isn't just scary, he's psychotic-scary. And not psychotic-scary in a good way either... it's more of a "I eat baby kittens and light things on fire" kind of pedophile psychotic-scary...

Psycho Clown Scarf

• Parenthood. Last Wednesday while I was at the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport waiting for my suitcase to arrive, I saw a baby trailing along behind her mother with a bottle in one hand, struggling to keep up. The mother wasn't paying attention because she was busy talking on her mobile phone. The baby wasn't too steady on her feet, and as she tried to move faster and faster to catch up with her mom, she lost her balance and face-planted on the floor. The mother turned around when she heard her baby crying, walked back to where she was, reached down and jerked her up by her arm, snatched the bottle off the floor, then proceeded to scream at the poor thing with "I'M ON THE PHONE!!"

Throughout the entire ordeal the only time she stopped talking on her mobile was to yell at her kid.

I was about as angry as I've ever been, and felt like shouting "SHE'S JUST A BABY AND DOESN'T UNDERSTAND YOUR SCREAMING YOU STUPID BITCH! TRY PAYING ATTENTION TO YOUR KID SO SHE DOESN'T KILL HERSELF TRYING TO KEEP UP WITH YOUR IGNORANT ASS!!!" And then I would have bitch-slapped the fucking idiot so hard her lips would have flown off. Why have a child if you're so self-absorbed that you aren't going to pay attention to it, then punish it for something that's your fault? Seriously. Mother of the year.

Anyway, after work today I wanted pizza, so I walked down Hohe Straße to get a slice from a shop I like there. It's Sunday, so most everything is closed, but I thought I'd walk around a bit anyways just to see what's new.

Once I got to the Lego Store, I turned around to head back, and noticed a man with a small child heading towards me. The little guy was trudging along like a champ as the father pointed out things in the shop windows for him to look at along the way. The man was very patient, taking small steps so the child could walk at a comfortable pace, and holding his hand the entire time.

It was hard not to compare this to my experience at the airport earlier this week, and it brought a smile to my face knowing that there are still parents out there who give a shit...

Parent and Child Walking

It reminds me of a line that Keanu Reaves has in the movie Parenthood which goes something like this... "You need a license to buy a dog or drive a car. Hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But any asshole can be a parent." How true it is.

• Shitty. I'd just like to state for the record that the SwissCom wireless I'm paying ridiculous money for is sucking copious amounts of ass. The signal completely drops out every 5 to 10 minutes, which is really inconvenient while you're trying to coordinate work with your computer back home. If it were free, I wouldn't have much cause to complain, but it's something like 17 Euros a night, which is over $20 in US money. That's pretty heinous, even when the service is flawless, but the fact that it's complete shit is almost too much to bear.

And, on that note, I'm going to re-connect to the internet (AGAIN) so I can upload this nonsense and get to bed.

Tomorrow, there may be candy...

Categories: Bullet Sunday 2009Click To It: Permalink


  1. Disapproving Man is hot! I remember him from last year!

    And Parenthood is one of my favorite movies.

    Hope you’re hanging in there!

  2. Jacki says:

    No Dave – the new clown is not scary, he is clearly and angel. look at the top of his head. No one could be scared of a dead clown with an angel halo.

  3. Sybil Law says:

    Disapproving man is hot.
    So is disapproving woman, for that matter!
    That mom at the airport – I’d totally have given her shit. That makes me nuts, too – and it’s why I never go to Walmart.
    Parenthood is one of my all time, favorite movies!!
    Hope your day tomorrow is good and … um, clownless. 🙂

  4. Sue says:

    OMG, that mother makes me want to cry. I tucked my daughter in extra special tonight (she stayed up late to watch the big game with us) and she looked up at me all droopy eyed and smile and it melted my heart. She’s taller than me and ten years old, but she’s my little girl still. I think you SHOULD have yelled at that mother. People need wake-up calls, Dave.

    Oh, by the way, the other day I deliberately neglected to clean off the top of my car. It had been freezing rain on and then snow, so I was lazy… I came to an intersection where the light changed suddenly and braked hard, only to hear ALL of my neglected crap sliding down my windshield, and I laughed my butt off. Serves me right, right? hahahahahahha I thought of your cartoon for it.

  5. kilax says:

    I’ve never heard that Reeves quote but find it very appropriate. I always feel better when I run into parents who actually seem to CARE.

  6. Mooselet says:

    Oooooo, candy! Can’t wait!

    I hate parents who pull that kind of shit. And I am a parent who sometimes looses her cool, and in public too, but never over something like that. Mainly because I would never do something that incredibly self-absorbed.

  7. Iron Fist says:

    Candy! Candy candy candy!

  8. martymankins says:

    That quote you posted from the movie Parenthood is one I’ve always remembered about raising a child and how it applies to the human race.

  9. Disapproving man had been replaced by that disapproving woman as of May 2nd last year – I even have my own photo. It felt almost like I was stalking you that trip even though you weren’t there… or at least following in your footsteps 🙂 *insanely jealous* that you get to go to Cologne again ..

    And isn’t it amazing the difference in people traffic on Hohe Straße on a Sunday..? and I was quite disappointed the Lego store is closed on a Sunday..!

  10. Sinjin says:

    I’m quite jealous too. I had all but forgotten about the Alaaf or Helau. And I can’t believe how well they changed out one disapproving person for another… what’s next, disapproving toddler? 🙂
    I wonder what’s in the Lego Pick-A-Brick there…

  11. Avitable says:

    I think you should start knocking the lips off of people!

  12. Jonathan says:

    Airport Mom is not alone … visit a shopping mall any time of the week and witness the number of toddlers trailing their parents (or wandering in all directions).

    Sad as it may be, is it any wonder HOW kidnappers can succeed?

  13. Jen says:

    I lived in Germany for three years and in that time I found that German parents are much more gentle and patient with their children than American parents are. I don’t know if it’s a difference in the way they view their children or in the way they view parental responabilites but something is different. (Obviously this was just my general observation and not a hard and fast rule.)

  14. Sarah says:

    The mother of my godkids is like that. I have actually beat her once or twice for being a self absorbed bitch. I really hate people like that.

    So are you going to share this candy or what?

  15. Aw, man! I was really hoping Disapproving Man would still be there. But, at least you’ve immortalized him in your blog. 🙂

  16. Jeff says:

    I sat and listened to a woman berate her 4 year old son at McDonalds the other day simply for swiveling back and forth in his chair at the high top table. She literally yelled at him to “behave!” 5 times over a 10 minute period. What a bitch. It’s times like that when it’s REALLY hard to not slap someone.

  17. Parents like your first example make me sick. It is everything I never want to be in a mom. I am very happy you got to experience good parenting in action too. It seems like so often we notice the bad because it is so shocking and then forget that there is also good going on. My kids are the very most important things (that sounds wrong to call them things…I hope you know what I mean…out of anything in the world, they are the most important to me) in the world to me. I think it is ridiculous to have kids if you are too busy to let them be kids and take it slow so they can learn both from whatever you are seeing and also from your example of patience. I believe the reason so many kids are so messed up is because they have learned from their parents example that it is ok to be rude, ok to snap at people, ok to whatever. Not cool with me!

  18. Hilly says:

    As a man, is the judgment from the guy or the chick harder to swallow? I’d rather look at him than her every day but then again, you know…

  19. sizzle says:

    I love that line from Parenthood- SO TRUE.

  20. Kailey says:

    Maybe they teach the disapproving look in modeling schools in Germany.

    The clown on this years scarf looks like a bowling pin.

    I hate bad parents, thank goodness there are still good parents too. I see both at the bookstore where I work daily, luckily I see more good than bad.

  21. whall says:


  22. Ren says:

    words, words, words…


  23. At least the chick in this year’s “disappoval” poster is somewhat hot. And I really, really, really wish you shouted at the jerk mom.

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