Twitter is what they call a "micro-blogging" service that allows you to post quick 140-character updates throughout your day and have them compiled into a webfeed with other Twitter users. I signed up for it as a joke when I made my DaveStalker™ page, and thought I'd get bored with it in a week. That was several months ago.
All this time I've been treating Twitter as a "disposable" medium to post random crap. Except Twitter isn't disposable. It's not only archived in several places, but shows up in Google searches as well.
This was made known to me this morning when I received an email from a former co-worker who was looking for me on the internet... and found my Twitter feed. This came as a bit of a shock. I don't really think about what I post there, so I had no idea what it was saying about me.
So I took a look, and pulled some random tweets of mine from the past couple months...
"Thinking of breaking my vegetarianism if only I could find some unicorn meat. I hear it's magically delicious!"
"I WANT HOT COCOA!! HOT COCOA, BITCHES!!!"
"Getting ready to make love to the Swiss Miss Instant Cocoa packet. Oh how I love your creamy hotness, Swiss Miss!"
"As a tribute to crack-whores everywhere (bless them!), I am blasting Amy Winehouse music while waiting for the MacWorld keynote to begin."
"Oooh! It's Madonna... she's going to dress me up in her love! I hope all my immunizations are current."
"= tee hee = I'm leaving comments while naked and eating pizza. Praying that an errant drop of molten cheese doesn't ruin my day."
"I'd say that the Hewlett-Packard B9180 printer is shit, but it aspires to be that good. It dreams of one day becoming shit."
"I an so totally hammered right now. Thank heavens for spell-chuck!"
"Oooh! It's a hamster!"
"DANCE HAMSTER! DANCE YOUR FURRY ASS OFF!"
"I make no apologies for being an Apple whore. They can take mundane shit and make it fascinating. Microsoft? Exactly the opposite."
"I hate watching Wheel of Fortune when some bitch is 'woo-woo-ing' it up like a drunken whore at a frat party. SHUT UP! JUST STFU!!"
"A guy at my flight's gate is praying the rosary. What does he know that I don't know?"
"Oh. He's a priest. I guess they don't have to have a reason to pray the rosary."
"I want Johnny Lee Miller's wardrobe from the movie 'Hackers.'"
"Wow. You know the weather in Seattle is bad when you can't even order up a hooker to your hotel suite! I wonder if they get hazard pay?"
"Shit shit shit shit SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!"
"I have fleeting moments of feeling happy with my life, but just as I try to grab ahold of them, they vanish. Now I wait for the next moment."
"Drunk girl at airport yelling to anybody who will listen that she needs some pot. And possibly crackers. I can't tell what she's saying."
"If your child is posessed by Satan, please leave it chained in the basement instead of bringing it to Disney World."
"EMBRACE THE HORROR!!"
"Wow. Disney's Animal Kingdom has a very big anti-poacher bias. Where are the poachers to present their side of the story?"
"I hate people. Just about everybody. Well, everybody except you, of course."
"If every day was like today, I'd be sticking my head in a Cuisinart and punching 'puree' or maybe 'chop'"
"You know the French Fries are going to be fucking fabulous when they're so greasy that ketchup won't even stick to them."
"Hey! The rumor is true... blood really is hard to wash off your hands!
"Oddly enough, I never have this kind of trouble when it's my own blood. I wish this mess would stay a pretty red when it dries on the walls."
"Wheee! It's like finger paints, but with hematological goodness baked right in!"
"Oooh... Paula Abdul's stalker has turned up dead! Lesson to live by... Don't Fuck With Paula Abdul.
"Holy crap... I've run out of hot glue sticks. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SOMEBODY GET ME MORE HOT GLUE STICKS!! I'm shooting blanks here, people!"
Meh. Could be worse I suppose.
It just goes to show, there is nothing posted to the internet that can't come back to haunt you in the future.
So when those photos eventually pop up, please understand that I was young and needed the money...