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Posted on Thursday, June 19th, 2008

Dave!I had thought that my Webkinz monkey's bloodlust would have subsided a bit after he took a day to calm down.

But that didn't happen at all.

Not only is my Webkinz monkey more enraged than ever since having been ripped off by the Webkinz eStore... but now he's positively homicidal. He keeps screaming "I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!! HA HA HA HAAAAH!" as he runs around with the samurai sword he bought yesterday.

This is very disturbing.

Last I saw him, he was off to the Webkinz Adoption Center, where that Bird Lady works...

BirdyKinz Bitch says NO REFUND!!


She really shouldn't have said that.

For the entirely disgusting and wholly inappropriate-for-chldren story of what happens next, you'll have to click through to an extended entry!

Today's Revenge? DISEMBOWLING! Webkinz Monkey with a sword.

Dead Birdykinz sliced open with her guts spilling out.

Oh my! Not a good day to be a birdy!

How many more senseless killings will my Webkinz monkey demand before his revenge is complete? Who knows? But I wouldn't want to be living in Webkinz World right now...

Categories: DaveLife 2008Click To It: Permalink


  1. Lisa says:

    OMG, I just laughed so damn hard I woke up Dude and my 8 year old!!!

    Having played WebKinz I find that totally humorous and appreciate it!!!


  2. Sid says:


    Down with the Birds!

  3. Whitenoise says:

    -hiding your blog from my impressionable young (webkinz-loving) kids… You’re a very bad man.

    (Where the eff were you during the Barney years?) 😉

  4. kilax says:

    Um… wow! But I guess she TOTALLY had it coming. That bitch should have given him the correct armor, dammit.

  5. kapgar says:

    After reading this, I’d love to see what kind of storyline you could come up with to totally ravage children’s fare like Sesame Street, Dora the Explorer, and Barney (not Stinson). Please have at it. A big kiddie show civil war?

  6. yellojkt says:

    And I thought I had too much time on my hands.

  7. Kyra says:

    Ugh… DAVE! Geeze! LOL

  8. OMG!!! *gag*

    Not something I wanted to see first thing in the morning Dave…..glad I hadn’t had my breakfast and only coffee!!

  9. NYCWD says:

    LOL… that’s great!!!

    Now if only that could really happen…

  10. Lady Jaye says:

    Hah! That’s what THE MAN (in this case the bird) gets when he tries to keep the Monkey down!

  11. Avitable says:

    This makes me more sad that you’re not doing playing cards that are more adult-themed!

  12. Poppy says:

    The disembowelment picture is really quite beautiful.

  13. Jeff says:

    And I was going to introduce my daughter’s penguin to your nice little monkey. I think I’ll wait until he’s back on his meds.

  14. Tracy says:

    Ewwww….Webkinz have gutz…gross!

  15. ChillyWilly says:

    Wow. Who would have thought that a Webkinz monkey could top Bad Monkey in utter chaos and mischief.

    I’m with kapgar… let’s see some sequel action.

  16. Elfenkate says:

    “Hell hath no fury like a monkey scorned” I always say.

  17. jennifer says:

    Wow. That bird is a real PITA, but I never expected anything like this….

    I wonder if my daughter will miss her.

  18. Bec says:

    When is this being released as a movie, because I would so pay money to see ‘WebKillinz’?

  19. Brandon says:

    fucking birds man… they just don’t know their place. Glad to see monkey has made an example of that “fowl” bird. get it?! thanks i’ll be here all week.

  20. jewelz916 says:

    Looks like Bad Monkey has some competition in the ol’ “Making Mischief” department. Although disemboweling a bird might fall under a different category than Mischief Making…..Perhaps Psychopathic Homicide?
    Miss Webkinz Bird was on the receiving end of a major hissy fit, wasn’t she? Hopefully this lesson in proper customer service will be taken seriously 🙂

  21. Finn says:

    Well alrighty then. *Makes note never to cross Dave. Ever. Unless you have plenty of Johnny Rockets veggie burgers on hand.*

  22. Naomi says:

    Ooh! Ooh! Can I borrow your monkey!? I have some a-holes of my own that need dispatching!

  23. Karl says:

    Stupid bird deserves what she got.

  24. turnbaby says:

    You know–he could have gone the full Hannibal and eaten a part of her.
    Just sayin’ 😉

  25. Tracy Lynn says:

    HA! I love it when your monkey is filled with hate.

  26. Chris says:

    Kill Kill Kill

  27. hahaha….. that is hilarious!!!!!

  28. Suzy says:

    KILL THEM ALL. I’ll wait.

  29. Y2K Survivor says:

    I am assuming that you want a vegetarian burger because you feel eating meat is tasty tasty murder. But you actually support the violent death of a innocent business goose over a $7 transaction?!!

    Dave, Dave, Dave… You sure you’re not from Oklahoma. You could be elected Governor here with that belief system. Well, the Goose would have to be substituted for an unwed Welfare mother, but other than that little change.. You and your little Karl Rove-like monkey would be shoe ins!!

  30. Sid says:

    This reminds me of kids shows that are a must see..

    Galli the Gator 😉

  31. Motley says:

    Was that a penguin?! I love penguins! D:

    But hey, shouldn’t have ripped off the monkey I guess.

  32. Dustin says:

    Webkinz Moneky: There can be only one.

  33. Belinda says:

    OK, you have the potential to become urban Webkinz legend, here. And you’re new enough to WW to not have ever heard all the ridiculous stories that were forwarded around like wildfire among the parents of Webkinz-owning children. Really STUPID stuff that no adult should ever have believed, but…well, they did. Things like, “there is a virus in webkinz world! when you go into your room, a pig with a butcher knife jumps out and chops off your pet’s head!” Or, “you will get a gift through kinzpost, but when you open it, a BOMB will go off, and all your stuff will be gone and your pets will be killed!”

    Seriously. It was hilarious.

  34. jules says:

    OMG! That is priceless. Poor monkey. Shitty armor, his rage is justified.

  35. Patty says:

    Sorry Webkinz isn’t living up to what they promised. Hope you still have fun playing with your monkey…did I just say that?

  36. Janna says:

    It’s so refreshing when justice is finally served.

  37. Göran says:

    Finally a worthy punishment! Justice! Justice!

  38. Winter says:

    I love disembowelments! And um… ditto what Adam said.

  39. Classified Info says:

    God. You know, its just 7 dollars. Just chill.

  40. Michelle says:

    I hadn’t ever realised just how humorous a homicidal monkey could be =P

  41. kat says:

    dude. awesome.

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