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Malt

Posted on Monday, June 30th, 2008

Dave!Why is it that I just can't catch a break?

Once... just once I'd like to have my travel plans work out as I arranged them without having to worry about cancellations, schedule changes, and the myriad of other disasters that seem to plague me every single time I leave home. And, of course, it's always the things that I want to do that get sacrificed for the things I have to do when things go sideways. Always. It's as if fate has dictated that all I ever get to do is work, and any time I make plans for a bit of personal happiness in-between the never-ending battle that is my life, I get screwed.

Yesterday I made a short video for Bullet Sunday that I was unable to get uploaded because YouTube kept dropping me. At the time I made it, I was totally joking about how I got through my day... but after this morning, I'm wondering if this is a viable solution to making my crappy life bearable...

Now I have to get ready to go to the dentist.

And because going to the dentist is such big fun, naturally nothing comes along to change those plans.

As always, a video transcript follows in an extended entry...

   

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT START

It's Dave talking to the camera!

I go to the mini-mart to buy me a Colt 45 Malt Liquor so I can get through the day.

I grab the big can off the shelf. I go all the way back to work. And when I go to pop the cap on it, I notice that it;s not Colt 45 Malt Liquor after all. It's Big Coke. BIG COKE!!

It's Dave holding up a can of Big Coke!

Why are they putting Coke in Colt 45 cans? It's very confusing to the consumer who relies on Colt 45 to get through their day!

VIDEO TRANSCRIPT END


Categories: DaveLife 2008Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. shari says:

    The insidious fraud perpetrated here is immoral! Where the hell is the Moral Majority when we finally NEED them?!

    Yeah, that’s what I thought. Posers.

  2. Finn says:

    I mean honestly, are we supposed to READ these cans? Surely we can sue someone…

  3. Howard says:

    Don’t they sell them in those big sizes in every other place in the world except America?

  4. ajooja says:

    What kind of accent is that? It sounds a bit Canadian.

  5. You can call me, 'Sir' says:

    I was going to say something disparaging about malt liquor, but I’d actually rather drink Colt 45 than Coke. With Colt 45, you get all of the refreshment and the excitement of a bull crashing through your wall, with none of the tooth-destroying sugar.

  6. Chris says:

    Well that explains why I was still sober after 4 of those last night. Damn coke!

  7. shiny says:

    I believe the Colt-45 container controversy was documented best by the Violent Femmes in their song “Blister in the Sun.” When they sing “Big can, I know you’re the one,” it’s an endorsement of this aluminum monstrosity being used for nefarious caffeinated purposes.

    Let me go on…

  8. Avitable says:

    Your Canadian ghetto accent was spot on.

  9. i was wondering about the accent too.
    Out of curiosity was does a colt45 look/taste like? Never seen (or heard of them).
    Also didn’t know they did coke in large cans either – I guess the least you could have done is accidentally picked up coke with lime – that would have made the day slightly better.

  10. claire says:

    Love the vlog and your hat! Sorry your days have been sucking though.

    http://www.blip.tv/

    might be worth a try for posting your vids. That’s where I post mine, and I haven’t had any trouble. Granted, I don’t post vlogs real often…

  11. Lisa says:

    @Avitable…DUDE your comment hits the nail on the HEAD!!!

  12. Charlene says:

    ~~i think i would take the coke instead of Colt 45~~oh you mean coke a cola~~still think i would rather havee the coke~~i mean coke~cola~~

    ~~~~~~~PLAWYK~~BGWD~~

  13. Göran says:

    You totally should´ve brought out the old air brush and cmyk´d yourself to heaven. Coke and air brush is _the_ thing!

  14. ChillyWilly says:

    They sell Colt 45 at your local mini-mart? Jealous.

    The dentist?? AHH! Don’t do that to me. I still need to go back next month for another filling. Damn 20 year old fillings!

  15. sodapop says:

    I love the accent. I think you should sue Coca-Cola for putting their product in a Colt 45 can. Seriously.

  16. Michelle Quan says:

    Oy. –YBFITWWW

  17. kapgar says:

    Because they keep putting Coke in those big ol’ Colt 45 cans is the reason you’re going to the dentist.

  18. Bec says:

    Big can, mo’ caffeine – lovin’ all around.

  19. Mattie says:

    Is that a Canadian accent or Wisconsin?

  20. Jake Titus says:

    Dave,
    sounds like I’m not the only one that life is taking a “hot steamer” on. Keep the ole’ chin up!
    Jake

  21. Matt says:

    You crack me up. I didn’t realize you’ve been shopping in my neighborhood. (Oh, wait … they don’t sell NON-alcoholic stuff in the stores in my neighborhood … )

  22. Robin says:

    Is that available in Diet Coke too?

  23. kilax says:

    Okay, this is off topic, but where did you get those nice flag pins for your map? :)

  24. Belinda says:

    I have never beheld such a thing. It’s brilliant marketing, really, because not only is it more fully recyclable, but once you pop that top, that’s it. No putting the lid back on and saving some for later, like with a 20 oz. bottle. You have to go buy MORE giant cans of Coke!

    Not that you should, because it is deadly, awful, diabetes-inducing garbage that should never be introduced into your body.

    Sincerely,

    Coca-Cola Hypocrite

  25. whall says:

    First, I was apalled that the video was only 48 seconds long.

    Then, I was thrilled to hear your real accent come through! I had longed to hear what a ‘tard accent was (as Avi mentioned in his post), and now I know. Thank you!

    After that, I was bummed that you didn’t say “eh” more often.

    Finally, I was happy because I got to see your pin map!

    Subsequently, I was

  26. Tori says:

    I’ve been saying “Colt 45” all day long in your voice/accent… I’m sure my co-workers think I’m certifiable…

  27. Winter says:

    At least you didn’t pick up the Monster Java instead.

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