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Posted on Tuesday, April 15th, 2008

Dave!Has anybody ever had a good experience at the DMV... ever? I only ask because I dread going to the Department of Motor Vehicles more than I dread a kick in the balls. Usually it's because the people working there are such assholes (a job requirement?), but the guy that helped me today was surprisingly nice and helpful. No, the reason my visit to the DMV sucked ass was because it took an hour... AN HOUR... to get my license renewed.

When I got there, I took a number (#69, heh heh!) and noticed that they were calling #62. I also noticed that they don't accept credit cards.


Who carries cash anymore? So I ran... RAN... down the street so I could get some money out of the cash machine (which was kind of embarrassing because it was a drive-through ATM and I was walking). Then I ran... RAN... back to the DMV praying that my 10-minute detour didn't make me miss my number being called.

Which was pretty laughable, because when I got back they were on #64.


And then I noticed that there were three different number series being called all at the same time... #64... #408... #409... #263... #410... #264... #65... and so on. It took 48 minutes before I even got to the counter. FORTY-EIGHT MINUTES!!! What the hell? THIS AIN'T NO RIDE AT DISNEYLAND M#THAF#@%ER!! If I'm having to pay a ridiculous FIFTY DOLLARS to get my license renewed, you'd better not make me wait on your shit. Try opening more than two service windows at a time, morons.

Dave 69
Is my number ticket making you horny, baby?

My trauma at the DMV put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day. After work was done, all I wanted to do was get home and climb into a bottle of vodka.

So there I am driving home when I turn the corner onto my street and BLAM! There's a line of three cars stopped ahead of me. Trying to figure out what's going on, I eventually see the second car (a lady in a minivan) turn into the oncoming lane and go around the first car. After that, the redneck dumbass in the pickup ahead of me honks his horn... waits a second... then punches the gas pedal so he can scream around the first car with his arms flailing.

And that's when I see what's going on.

A young kid from the first car is having engine trouble and is trying to push his car off to the side of the road. Instead of offering to help, dumbasses are honking at him and blowing past.


I drive around the poor guy and park in a driveway, then run back to help him push his pile of shit off the road.

He's a little upset, and thanks me profusely as we manage to get his automobile taken care of. I ask him if he needs to borrow my phone to call somebody, but he has his own phone. I ask him if he's okay because he looks a little shook up (with good reason) and he says he's fine and thanks me again. So I say goodbye and continue home. It added maybe five minutes to my trip.

All night now I've been really bothered that people are such assholes that they wouldn't offer to help out this kid. How many people blew past before I got there? It's not like he was a gang-banger, drug addict, or in a dangerous neighborhood... he was a clean-cut kid in jeans and a T-shirt on a residential street! I just don't know. Was it because he looked Hispanic? I sure as hell hope not, because that type of racist crap makes me more pissed-off than a trip to the DMV.

Every once in a while I get a glimpse of where the human race is headed and want to scream.

Categories: DaveLife 2008Click To It: Permalink


  1. Tori says:

    yep… small town america is calling me home… I hate the way “people” have started acting… ugh!

  2. Dave2 says:

    My town is under 3000 people, so I don’t know that size is the problem here…


  3. Amanda says:

    My DMV actually isn’t that bad, I’m usually 2nd or 3rd in line. Getting my driver’s license only takes about 10 minutes.

  4. Krissi says:

    “Has anybody ever had a good experience at the DMV… ever?”

    Boy, do I feel guilty being one of the first comments on this post who can actually answer that question with a ‘yes’.

    When I lived in CA the DMV was horrible… WHORE-A-BLE. But here in FL? I swear every time I’ve had to go down there I’ve waiting in line a grand total of 5 minutes, dealt with employees who seemed to like their jobs and managed to walk out without a migraine.

    … maybe it’s just that single location, or maybe they just made way for ME.


  5. Annette says:

    Good for you on helping! Today’s world is full of a**holes… it’s the internet, baby, that allows them to be “anonymous” and it just carries over into real life. My experience at my local DMV… much the same as yours, except I was helping my 97-year old mother try to obtain a State ID card, and they treated her like dirt. I asked for an address to report the abuse, and somehow no one knew. About 5 employees were behind the counter, acting dumb… well, maybe they weren’t acting. It’s nice to find someone like you in today’s world, who cares enough to take a couple of minutes to put the human back in humanity.

  6. Faye says:

    Well done, Dave 2.

  7. Hilly Sue says:

    Uh…did you say something about humanity? I’m kind of stuck on that picture for different reasons that you might think. Like, were you sitting there photographing yourself at the DMV all sexy with your 69? Did you wait til you got home? Did you meet a hot little bitch in the waiting area and she took the picture?

    Oh and yes, humanity…hell in handbasket. That’s why I often feel so fortunate to know someone with a heart and soul as kind as yours.

  8. Ugh. That’s awful Dave!
    Your DMV experience reminds me of this comedian I once heard on the radio. He was talking about how in the future we’ll have teleporting so like you’ll drop into the DMV on the way to work and the DMV will still be the same. He yelled,”Oh my God! I have to be at work in THREE seconds! It’s been NINE seconds! Why is this taking so long! I only have THREE seconds!”

    Okay maybe you had to hear it…I’m a dork.

  9. Winter says:

    I got lucky this past year. Renewed the license online for 7 years… with a credit card. HEH.

    I hear ya re “where are headed”. I’ve had my own headaches this week with people who have Marie Antoninette (pre-Revolution) attitudes. I was a Biological Anthropology major for a reason. Cultural Anthropolgy sucks. Humans do/did some pretty horrid things because of culture.

  10. Karl says:

    Infuriating! God, why are people such assholes?

    You’re the best, Charlie Brown.

  11. Lexi says:

    As a former BMV (Ohio name…”bureau”)employee, I must add…the reason so many are a-holes (though not ALL of us!) is because so many people that come in there are a-holes, too! You get the guy whose license is suspended, but tries to act like he “lost” it and gets pissy when you won’t give him a new one. Or the people who fail to read the BIG SIGN ON THE WALL telling them which documents they must provide to get/replace a license, and instead wait 45 minutes to come to the counter and cuss you out. Also, our door was broken (by slamming) at least once a week.

    It’s nice that you stopped to help the guy out…at least somebody did. I hate people.

  12. Brandon says:

    I was going to say, Cashmere isn’t that big, I’d expect them to know the kid and help out.

    This is exactly what happened to me. My car broke down in the middle of an intersection. I put on my hazard lights and then I sat there forever, scared to get out of my car to move it off the road because people were flying by me, flipping me off, honking, yelling at me. Finally, after nearly 15 minutes, one guy stopped and helped me push it out of the way.

    I was so depressed about the state of humanity that night.

  13. Kirsten says:

    I would love to be in and out of the DMV in an hour. I can renew my car online, but when my license comes up in 2011, I’ll need to show my face and get an older, uglier picture of myself. Not looking forward to it.

  14. I’ve had good and bad experiences at the DMV. The first time I got my driver’s license in California from Arizona, it only took me 15 minutes. However, when I got it, they made me 87 years old. So yeah, I had to go back which of course, took me 73 years so I was 87 years old when I got out of there.

    Now we can renew them online for a few times…then we have to go in for pictures.

    As far as the assholes, I really don’t understand how people have become so self-absorbed that they can’t stop to help their fellow man. Makes me wonder how they’ll feel when they’re in that situation because we all know that at some point in our lives, we’re going to need the help of others/strangers. I’m almost positive it isn’t because of his race. I’ve been a white (looking) girl with a business suit and people have not offered (yes, I’ve had it happen to me.) I guess people are just assholes these days.

  15. Miss Britt says:

    Actually, I have to agree with Krissi there – other than requiring a DNA sample to get your license… the FL DMV is fast and friendly!

    69. Heh.

  16. Greeneyezz says:

    Ha! So True! And no matter where you live either, it’s the same at *any* DMV.

    I’ve read somewhere that the DMV is actually the place that escaped souls from Hell are put, since it’s the “closest thing on earth to Hell”.


  17. Turnbaby says:

    oh sugar I can relate;-)

    and we are not ‘headed’ anywhere–there have been assholes for centuries

    Good on ya for helping–that’s what I would have done

  18. Kyra says:

    Hmm well, I had one guy at the DMV offer to take my driver’s license picture down my shirt. But I think that counts as a bizarre (and someone please call the police, the man has my ID info!) kind of experience.

    All in all. No. They suck. But good for you on helping that poor kid!

  19. whall says:

    I don’t recall ever having a really short time at the DMV, but I wouldn’t call it a bad time. I expect lines and a lengthy wait. The key to happiness is low expectations. I figured it all started back when I *got* my license in the first place and that moment was such a great one, it colored the rest of my visits appropriately.

    Way to help a fellow citizen out – I do that a lot also, being the good samaritan, but I do so for selfish reasons. I find good things happen to me the more I help others, so I do it for me.

  20. Avitable says:

    I went to pay a ticket to the Tax Collector’s office, and they don’t take credit cards, and they don’t take checks unless they’re from me (Britt was me and had her checkbook, but they wouldn’t let her pay), so I had to go get cash, too. The whole concept is retarded.

  21. Sue says:

    You should visit the DMV in Warren County, PA. They are small and hardly ever busy. I’ve been there several times and only once encountered a real line of sorts.

    Good on you for helping the kid.

  22. You can call me, 'Sir' says:

    Humanity is generally pretty awful with a side dish of truly horrendous. It’s not everyone, though. It’s easy to become a hopeless cynic and lose sight of the good ones. For instance, I am a hopeless cynic where the human race is concerned, but you just saved me from oblivion for today with your single act of compassion. See, Dave? See what you did?

  23. StephanieP says:

    I don’t know why, but I am surprised to learn that there are rednecks in the Pacific Northwest. I thought we had the market cornered here in Southwest Ohio.

    I am happy that people all over the nation are enjoying the same annoyances that I am. These include, but are not limited to, the following:

    Overt racism
    NASCAR Fanaticism (including Dale Sr. bumper stickers)
    Wallet Chains
    PT Cruiser ownership
    Cornhole participation
    “Taz” tattoos
    Lee Greenwood

  24. delmer says:

    I once walked into the DMV and was second in line. I wasn’t first *only* because I held the door for a woman who was approaching.

    (You may recall that not having to wait in line in my super power. It’s rather useless most of the time.)

    Good job on helping the kid push his car. I’d mention that ‘too many people are jackasses,’ but it doesn’t really need to be said.

  25. Poppy says:

    Too bad that couldn’t have been your photo for your ID.

    Did someone else already say that? Yah, probably, but I’m illiterate so I can’t tell.

    PS – Amanda, we’re all glaring at you.

  26. ChillyWilly says:

    The only thing I hate more than waiting in line at the DMV is getting my car to pass emissions each year.

    Reading any stories about experiences at the DMV reminds me of The Simpsons, with Patty and Selma working the counter. It’s almost as if every DMV employee was modeled after them… or vice versa (which is more likely)

    The lack of human kindness is evident everywhere. I see it a lot here, even in front of our own house some days with the morning traffic. It seems people are more interested in their own little world, not wanting to be late for work, but not giving two shits about anyone else on the road.

    Major kudos to you for stopping to help this kid. Karma…. Karma.

  27. Lela says:

    Nice picture! You’re a sexy beast 🙂

  28. Beth says:

    You’re such a giver…that’s why I’m still checking my mailbox daily for a box of Plopp. 😉

  29. I see I’m not the only one to be caught out by the utterly ridiculous ticket numbering system at the DMV. Who came up with that shit? Is it just to make us *think* it’s close to being our turn. WTF?

  30. Sarah says:

    Of all the times I’ve been to the DMV (a lot – I have a tendency to lose my liscense about 2 times a year) I’ve only had one good experience. My drivers test, maybe because it’s scheduled, maybe because I drove 40 miles out of town just to avoid the crowd. Maybe becuase the tester passed me even though I technically failed, all in all it was a good experience.

    As far as people helping – I hit a pot hole and broke a ball joint in my car and ended up in the same spot as that kid. But luckily it was about midnight and there were a few people that came out of their houses to help me push it off the road. I don’t know what I would have done without them. I, for one, am really glad you helped that kid.

  31. Mr. Fabulous says:

    You need a hug? C’mere, Boo.

  32. Foo says:

    Just got the papers from the DMV yesterday – I get to renew via the mail this go around, Sweeet! Try Evil and 69 in the same photo, hot, very hot.

  33. Göran says:

    Humanity do kind of suck but it´s more prosperous to remember all the good hearted people out there, like you who stopped and helped the guy out.

    I still believe people wants to be good. Most people are just über confused (and yes, a lot of them are too fucked up).

  34. Kailey says:

    a)I hate the DMV, with a passion.

    b)Thank you for being a good person and helping the kid out – my car died in an intersection of a town I was visiting once, luckily a bicyclist who happened to be riding by helped me get it out of the street. It was a scary experience, but the kindness of a stranger helped a lot.

    c) My guy gets pulled over, tailed, harassed, etc., because he is half Mexican. We live in Southern Oregon. Racism sucks.

  35. Lewis says:

    You are on hell of a nut, my friend. And, yes, anytime I see 69 I get all sweaty and nervous. Especially when it’s your pretty face staring back!

  36. Jeff says:

    Did they let you wear your “try evil” monkey hat in your driver’s license photo? Because those highway patrol folks have such a great sense of humor.

  37. Aunt Robin says:

    I was shopping in the grocery store yesterday, when an old man riding in an electric buggy bumped into the rice-a-roni, knocking several boxes to the floor. Then he proceeded to back up over the boxes in an effort to steer away from the shelving. After a moment he struggled to his feet, and with the help of one of those three-footed canes tried to pick up the boxes. His poor spine was painfully twisted, and I could see reaching for them had to be pure torture.

    I hurried over and offered to help. He rudely snapped at me for my trouble. I shrugged off the snub, figuring his pride was at stake and continued with my shopping.

    Three aisles later the old man tracked me down in his buggy and apologized for being so curt.

    There is probably a moral to the story, I’m just not sure what it is.

  38. Melanie says:

    Don’t be discouraged, Dave. There are still good people in this world. And you represented the good guys well by doing the decent thing and helping that kid.

  39. joy says:

    It costs $28 to renew your license here in CA. And if you have to go in person, you can make an appointment so it’s super fast. I got to renew through the mail myself though 🙂

    I don’t believe those fuckheads drove past that poor dude. Well that and honk at him and crap. Even I would’ve tried to help, and I have no muscle.

  40. SFChick74 says:

    I’ll admit that because I’m afraid of strangers I wouldn’t have stopped to help that guy. Even nice looking people can be psychos! Although, I wouldn’t have honked and gotten angry at him as I drove past him.

  41. Lexi says:

    Ack! The gravatars are covering the front part of the comments!

  42. Troy says:

    People are too self-centered and only think of themselves. People are also too busy to stop and help people.

    “I have to get to that appointment”
    “I have too much to do at home”

    Too many excuses, not enough helpers.

  43. claire says:

    I dug out an old piece I wrote about getting a new license at SF’s DMV to answer your question in the affirmative. I’ve had bad DMV experiences too though, so I sympathize.

  44. OK. I get it. The first line is a rhetorical question.

  45. If you could use the image for this post on your drivers license, nothing else would matter.

    As for pushing the car for the young man, I can relate: I helped two teenagers push their car from the middle of a three-lane road after watching them walk away from it because they’d stalled.

    Yes, human kind needs a wake-up call. Problem is, they’d keep hitting the snooze-button, even if Death (the man, not the event) was knocking.

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