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Posted on Wednesday, March 12th, 2008

Dave!This morning I overheard two kids debating over something when one of them said "I'm going to punch you in the vagina!"

It was one of those moments where I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. If the kid understood that boys don't have vaginas and was being ironic, it was pretty funny. On the other hand, if he was just repeating something he heard and didn't know that boys are vagina-free, it was pretty sad. I was almost hoping that the debate escalated into a conflict so I could find out exactly where he thought a guy's vagina is.

And speaking of completely misunderstanding vaginas, that stupid bitch "doctor" Laura Schlessinger has now gone on record as saying that, in a relationship, women are nothing more than whores whose only purpose is to service their man...

"When the wife does not focus in on the needs and the feelings, sexually, personally, to make him feel like a man, to make him feel like a success, to make him feel like her hero, he's very susceptible to the charm of some other woman making him feel what he needs." Laura Schlessinger

How cool is that! It's nice to know that if I get married and decide to stick my penis in another woman, I can just blame my wife! If the bitch had focused completely and totally on ME and MY needs, there wouldn't have been a problem in the first place! Yeah! It's HER fault!

Silly womens!

Uhhhhh... yeah.

I'm not saying that it's never a woman's fault that her man might be cheating on her... but WTF?!? In many ways, I actually find "doctor" Laura's statement to be more offensive towards men than women. We're all egomaniacal assholes who require constant stroking (heh heh) or else we're going to cheat? That's weak. After all the crazy shit this bitch has said, why is she still on the air? Does anybody find her credible or even remotely relevant anymore?

I'll just add "doctor" Laura to my ever-growing list of people who need to be bitch-slapped. Hard.

And, to those who asked... no, this wasn't an accident...

War and Peace

Believe it or not, it IS possible to support the troops, yet be opposed to war and embrace peace.

Categories: DaveLife 2008Click To It: Permalink


  1. amanda says:

    I saw that on the today show, she was blaming the Spitzer thing on the wife, right? Dumbass.

    I’d like to think the little boy was being ironic. It’s really funny that way.

  2. Hilly Sue says:

    Exactly! I love the troops but hate the war. How is it so hard for people to grasp that while related, those two things are very different?

    Oh and the “Doctor” can bite my ass. However, you are destined to make one good husband one day!

  3. Dave2 says:

    Amanda… Yeah, it’s the Spitzer thing. When that hypocritical asshole paraded his poor wife in front of the press it made me want to vomit. If he had any decency left, he would leave her out of it. And then stupid-ass bitches like “doctor” Laura go on television and blame her for his shit? Give me a break. The woman has three kids and is undoubtedly doing her best to deal with things the best she can as her life is falling apart. She doesn’t deserve this kind of crap. Nobody does. Except perhaps disgusting “doctor” Laura, who should have disappeared years ago.

    Hilly… Good husband? HAH! Not now that “doctor” Laura has got ahold of me! I’d be the worst husband ever! I’d be cheating every chance I got because it’s not my fault!

  4. sizzle says:

    This might be hard to swallow (heh) but that’s the second reference to “stroking” I’ve heard today. Ahem (ask Kaply).

    “Dr.” Laura is an asshole.

  5. jake titus says:

    Just another reason to dislike Laura Schlessinger. It makes me want to kick her in the dick!

  6. Dave2 says:

    Sizzle… What the heck is it with Tracy Kaply? First she ruins my life with New England hot dog buns… now she has you talking about stroking on my blog? Clearly she is evil and must be destroyed.

    Jake… Okay… you got me. I actually laughed out loud at that one! For like five minutes now. DAY OF THE JAKEL just got another reader. 🙂

  7. Iron Fist says:

    You know, I’ve never much liked that point of view, either: that men are just mindlessly driven by their animal impulses and have to be soothed and beguiled like temperamental beasts. I’ve heard it from the other side, too: I had a friend (now ex-friend) who would give me long-winded speeches about how a “woman’s genetic programming” compelled her to act in a certain way that he claimed he could manipulate. Both such viewpoints totally fly in the face of my position of free-will in humans, and of people being more than just “biological automatons.”

  8. Dave2 says:

    Exactly right.

    I don’t care how hard-up somebody is for sex, there is always a choice to be made. People choose to cheat. To imply that men (or women) have no choice in the matter is absurd. “She didn’t make me feel like a hero, so I was forced to hire a prostitute to get what I needed”… yeah, right, some hero.

    I’m not debating that sometimes relationships change, people change, situations change, and there’s never any cause for looking outside of a relationship. That would be unrealistic. There are basic needs for physical intimacy and companionship that (usually) have to be met for a relationship to work. But don’t make it sound like there’s no choice in the matter, because that’s just not true. It’s a slap in the face to anybody who has suddenly found themselves in a very different relationship than what they went into (for one reason or another), but stuck by the person they committed to out of love and respect.

    Not that “doctor” Laura would know anything about that.

  9. Whit says:

    I was all excited to say you should bitch-slap her in the vagina, but that kick in the dick is funnier.

  10. Dave2 says:

    Eh, it wouldn’t surprise me to find out that “doctor” Laura actually has a dick… so maybe a bitch-slap to the vagina would be funnier after all? Sausage or taco? That is the question.

  11. Eileen Dover says:

    Thank you for making the comment about the soldiers overseas. Supporting and encouraging them is different to supporting the war.

    I wish more people understood this.

  12. turnbaby says:

    What never ceases to amaze me is the folks who forget that this type of thing is rarely about just sex —-the physical need–it’s far more complex than that.

    And yeah–dragging his poor wife onto TV to make him self look ‘better’ was to me worse than what he did. I really feel for her. Him–not so much 😉

  13. Kyra says:

    The fact that she’s so stupid to say something like that isn’t what depresses me, it’s that SO MANY believe it. I heard much the same thing being discussed on a conservative talk show (all reception to normal channels was lost and I was desperate not to fall asleep driving) and the men were going on about how men’s sex lives have suffered, divorce and infidelity has increased, and all because the damn women decided to go to work like they have the right to exist as equals. So many men AND WOMEN called in to agree.

    Apparently driving pissed off and feeling like you want to vomit DOES keep you awake.

    “…put her in a pumpkin shell, and there he kept her very well.”

  14. Mr. Fabulous says:

    Can I also blame my wife if I decide to stick my penis in you?

  15. Avitable says:

    I think Dr. Ruth should punch Dr. Laura in the vagina.

  16. diane says:

    It’s amazing how much we overlook the very simple concept of TALKING to your spouse or significant other when you are frustrated or unhappy.
    The boy and I try to do this and it serves us very well. No prostitutes yet. 😉

  17. Lewis says:

    The harder you hit her, and the sooner you bitch slap her, the happier I’ll be. And did I mention how much better off our nation will be? What a waste of perfectly good humanity.

  18. Jeff says:

    Lovin the header graphics portfolio. 🙂

  19. Tracy says:

    I can only imagine what kind of spam you’re getting with the title of this post!

    Dr. Laura is a twat. ‘Nuff said.

  20. You can call me, 'Sir' says:

    Spectacular point. Radio is the medium for those populating the lunatic fringe. If it weren’t for radio, they’d no doubt be manning clock-towers with high-powered rifles, randomly shooting people with their pointless rhetoric. So, maybe it’s good that they’re on the radio; that way we at least know where to find and how to avoid them.

    Those headers. They are the awesome.

  21. Yeah, if I’m solely responsible for my husband’s sexual happiness, and need to constantly satisfy him to keep him in the marriage? Then, he needs to hire a full-time nanny and housekeeper (aka Alice) so that I can have time to get the rest I need and reclaim the body I used to have so that I can satisfy him properly… without ripping his dick off.

    He-ehm. Take that Laura.

  22. Karl says:

    Ah, Dr. Laura. Always spouting the words of wisdom we so desperately crave. I wonder if she puts out for her hubby?

  23. lizriz says:

    Crazy love the new headers.

  24. Wow, I thought I was the anti-feminist, but Dr. Laura makes me look like Gloria Steinem.

  25. Tracy Lynn says:

    I have to say, when people make a snit about the whole idea of supporting the troops when you are opposed to the war, I point them here. Of course, that’s when I’m not using the word ‘stroking’ or ruining people’s lives with baked goods.

  26. Miss Britt says:

    That bitch was talking about a woman who had just had to deal with the entire world finding out her husband was a cheating pig??

    Already everyone. Hop in the Trailblazer. We’re going to run this bitch down.

  27. John says:

    “Dr.” Laura is closely related to “Dr.” Phil in my opinion. They’re both goofs. I still love it that Dr. Phil endorses, where any young woman can find the already-married man of her dreams (and the opposite is true as well).

  28. Dave2 says:

    Eileen… And yet every time I mention, somebody is writing me to either say “You can’t be in support of the troops if you don’t support the war” or “You can’t be against war if you support the troops.” I find both notions to be absurd. 🙂

    Turnbaby… Which is why I say that there could be many reasons for going outside the relationship… and since nobody is privy to what’s going on with Spitzer’s marriage, we may never know. In the meanwhile, it’s really not up to “doctor” Laura to speculate. 🙂

    Kyra… But the economy is so awesome that there’s no NEED for women to work! Families today can easily be supported by a single income. The women should just stay home and make sure that her man is well taken care of! Blargh.

    Mr. Fabulous… Mrs. Fab would certainly understand… how can anybody really resist me? Though, if you want to keep your penis intact for a while longer, you may want to be careful where you go sticking it… Mrs. Fab’s patience can only go so far.

    Avitable… SOMETHING needs to happen in “doctor” Laura’s vagina…

    Diane… Fingers crossed. 🙂

    Lewis… Yeah, but she feels you’re an abnormal, aberrant, deviant, disordered, dysfunctional, biological error, so it’s not like your happiness matters to her. Of course, I feel she’s an abnormal, abhorrent, deviant, disordered, dysfunctional, fucking bitch, so it’s not like I give a shit about what she thinks. 🙂

    Jeff… Me too! But I love everything I do, so it doesn’t really count!

    Tracy… Here’s hoping! I could use some good vagina spam! Uhhhh… on second thought… that doesn’t sound as good as I thought it would…

    Sir… I kind of miss “doctor” Laura’s television show though. Every once in a while it’s good to be reminded about all of humanity’s failings, and her program was awesome for that!

    Granddaughter… Hey… hey… hey… no need to be making dick threats like that! As you are obviously not on the “doctor” Laura bandwagon yet, I think we need to get you in for some brainwashing ASAP.

    Karl… I think in this case he puts out for her…

    Lizriz… And the new headers crazy love you! 🙂

    Bombshell… Which is ironic, because she makes herself look like a horse’s ass!

    Tracy Lynn… Better than ruining baked goods by stroking people’s lives! I have my eye on you Tracy Kaply!! 😀

    Miss Britt… Yes. Apparently those nude photos weren’t embarrassing enough for “doctor” Laura, she needs to make an ass of herself in every way possible.

    John… Oh yeah… don’t get me started on “doctor” Phil. He’s about as useful as a turd, but less attractive. One more thing to be mad at Oprah for… unleashing this douchebag on the world!

  29. Kyra Sutra says:

    My husband is in the Army and we both oppose this war. Dr. Laura is a douchebag.

  30. kilax says:

    I hate it when someone with credentials says something so stupid. Then we have to hear about it and just shaker our heads, but the dumber people believe it.

  31. whall says:

    Re: troops vs war, I see your point and raise you a combo. I support the troops *and* I support the war. And warlike actions to defend our safety. I’m sure we disagree with this particular war being justified, but hopefully we agree that embracing peace does not mean mandating unpreparedness for war. Otherwise we’d just be unarmed sheep and dictators highly prefer unarmed sheep to the claw-bearing wolves.

    That being said, I think someone should start a radio show called Dr. Vagina and counselor Prick. And they would just parody most of what is being said already by most other talk shows, but just make fun of it.

  32. jake titus says:

    I made the assumption that Laura has a dick based on two facts.
    1: she knows more about being a man than I.
    2: she’s got a lot of balls. . . .

  33. Dave2 says:

    Kyra… Then you need to read what “doctor” Laura has to say about wives of men in the service! You think she’s a douchebag NOW… I’d love to hear your opinion then!

    Kilax… Unfortunately, there is a growing number of stupid people here in the US, which explains so much… 🙂

    Wayne… I wholeheartedly support the men and women who sign up to protect this country with their lives. Though I honestly feel that we are less safe today than we every have been, thanks to the massive number of new terrorists being created by the Iraq war, and the horrible amount of ill-will we’ve fostered around the globe, but that’s just me.

    Wayne… Oops! My bad! A quick Google search shows it’s not just me. Many people (including military experts and those in service) feel the same way.

    Jake… She certainly does ACT like a dick…

  34. annie says:

    Dr. Laura is a shame to womanhood. Thank you for pointing that out, Dave, so now I can HATE HER!
    I “focus in on the needs and the feelings” of my man, but let me say this, if he “needs” to be “feeling” any other woman, it’s HIS fault. AND I’d cut his dick off. The latter, I would take the blame for.

    There are so many people who argue that you cannot support trrops and be against war.
    Ugh. That’s why we have wars.

  35. aka_monty says:

    I can’t even tell you how REFRESHING it is to find a-whole-nother group of “doctor” Laura haters! My mother used to LOVE her until I pointed out what a douche-nozzle the bitch was and WHY.

  36. suze says:

    Wow, and here I was thinking that my fiance was marrying me because he actually likes talking to me, and valued me for my mind…And vice versa. Apparently I was wrong. What would I do without Dr. Laura?!

    Being a pacifist and supporting the troops is hardly mutually exclusive. I am surprised that more people don’t get this…

  37. Winter says:

    We are so doing twats and dicks a disservice by saying she is one, or we should hurt hers. I don’t think she has either. She’s a freaking eunuch. She cuts down both males and females with her inane, poorly thought out concepts. I say we fuck up her the right way… shoot her in the head with a very high caliber bullet, at close range, and video tape her head exploding like a melon. Ohhh. That was a really satisfying thought. That being said, I’m for the troops and peace too. 🙂

  38. kaelb says:

    How old were those boys? If they are anything like me and my friends were, they know who has and who doesn’t have a vagina.

  39. Jonathan says:

    Dr. Laura once called me a “biological error.”

    Okay, so she did not say it to *me* . . .

    Search for her on Wikipedia (yeah, I know, not the BEST source for information, but it is convenient). The article states she was a proud feminist in the 1970’s. What went wrong??

  40. Kristin says:

    Dr. Laura needs a kick in the taco!

    Also? I am absolutely opposed to the war and am still knitting helmet liners for our soldiers. I dig.

  41. Kyra Sutra says:

    Okay, I googled and read the article first and then went to her blog and read her version and have come to this conclusion:

    This idiot is promoting a very unhealthy way of life between military spouses. She states that we should all as military wives have support systems out there to whine and bitch to but we should never show any weakness or worry to our soldiers.

    I disagree with this.

    When my husband was deployed to Iraq the first time, I cried like a baby. He cried like a baby. We both talked at great length about how scared we were and how sad that we didn’t agree with the cause in which he was risking his life for. We communicated, the healthiest and best thing for two people in a relationship and it made us stronger. Him knowing that I was scared and him being able to tell me that he was too was great for us. Neither of us put on a strong front or shut the other out. Save the bravery for the battlefield. Nothing was kept in and we struggled and fought through things together even though we were very far apart.

    It surprises me that a woman with a medical degree in psychology would ever suggest to someone to hide their feelings from a spouse. She’s a dick.

  42. Dave2 says:

    My problem is that “doctor” Laura regularly makes outrageous statements because it gets her in the news and keeps her popular. She can claim that her remarks were taken out of context, then blog about what she really meant by the crazy shit she says… but that’s just backpedaling. The journalist who wrote the story has reiterated that the infamous quote was a direct answer to a direct question of what advice she gives military wives when they call into her show… she replied with “stop whining” and other assorted bullshit which was quoted in the story. How was that taken out of context? If she meant for there to be other context, SHE was the one who should have provided it. But it’s far easier to blame other people than to take responsibility for your own words when shit backfires, and that’s exactly what she does.

    She can try to sugar-coat it all she wants with her charity work and claims of helping people, but that doesn’t change the fact that “doctor” Laura is an opportunist bitch. When she exploits those who serve in the military and their families for the sake of ratings (including her own son!), it’s time for people to stop listening to her crap.

  43. HoosierGirl says:

    Oh my god, that Dr. Laura comment just made me go ballistic! I am going to HELP you “bitch slap” that woman! That completely, COMPLETELY pisses me off!

    That’s all my ex-husband needs is for Dr. Laura to validate his assine behavior!


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