Living in a rural area isn't always a bad thing, but there are days I would give anything to get the hell out of this podunk town.
Like today, for example.
And it's all Tracy's fault. Yesterday she blogged about top-loader hotdog rolls, which I remember fondly from my trips to Spike's Junkyard Dogs in Boston. My friend there likes to take me to Spike's because they have vegetarian hot dogs I can eat. The "buns" they use are not "buns" at all... they're French rolls, sliced at the top instead of the side. Delicious. But the rolls Tracy was talking about are top-loaders which are meant to be grilled on the sides...
Evil!
EVIL TRACY!! How can I resist trying something as totally awesome as this? I cannot.
So I clicked through to Maple and More to get me some grillable top-loaders. The minimum order is 24 rolls for $20 (Priority Mail postage paid!) which sounded like a pretty good deal (assuming I eat hot dogs morning, noon, and night before they go stale). All I needed was the veggie dogs. My favorites are tofu dogs made by Yves, and I've been buying them at the local health food store for years. So today after work I headed into Wenatchee to get some.
Only to find out that the health food store doesn't carry them anymore! In a panic I run to Safeway, but they don't have anything either. Horrified that I have buns coming with nothing to go in them, I head to Albertsons where they don't have Yves tofu dogs, but they do have Smart Dogs and Morningstar Farms Dogs. I grab both. After all, I have two-dozen buns to fill.
And then on my way to the self-checkout it happens.
Some bitch in her scooter runs into me.
It's not the first time I've been hit by somebody in a scooter, but it is the first time I've been hit BECAUSE SHE WAS TALKING ON HER MOBILE PHONE!! This was no accident, it was negligence, and I would have sued her stupid ass if I thought I could have got any money out of it. Unlike the last time I was hit, however, she did apologize... but it sure didn't sound sincere. Not wanting to let the opportunity pass me by, I said "maybe you shouldn't be talking on your phone if you're going to drive that thing into people."
Her response?
"I DRIVE INTO PEOPLE WHETHER I'M ON THE PHONE OR NOT!!"
I guess she told me.
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I was at Costco trying to get to one of the cases of frozen thingamajigs but there was a woman standing in front of it with her cart, talking on her phone and not moving. I said EXCUSE ME and she gave me this look like, WTF? I hate all people who use their phones while the rest of us are just trying to buy a stupid thingamajig.
I’ll help you kill them all.
I’m not kidding.
Seriously.
Fucking hag! LOLOLOLOL!!!!!!
Man, I bet that made you one hot dog!
I’m confused. She was riding a scooter inside the store?? When I say scooter I mean a little moped thing, (think Vespa here). I suspect you mean something else?
Did you punch her in the head? Totally should have.
I am planning to make donuts today, but now I may need to go to the store because I suddenly have a craving for hot dogs. And I don’t even normally like hot dogs…that is how powerful the internet is.
OMG! I totally miss real hot dog buns. That yummy grilled side blows away these bready, uneven hot dog rolls that are so prolific anywhere else. I’ll never understand why these aren’t available outside of MA.
Now if I could only get a decent roast beef sandwich shipped to me…
So what you are saying is that you’re a vegetarian that got turned into roadkill? 😉
Deeeaaaaammmmmnnnn! Those things look good!
I’m right there with you about the rural living. It’s even weirder that I’m in a wealthy resort area…there are days when you can find any exotic ingredient you can dream of, but finding Jiffy muffin mix is a challenge. So bizarre. You should definitely try freezing some of those buns for later.
Ooo, when the revolution comes I’ll herlp you hunt her down and give her a stern talking to!
“I DRIVE INTO PEOPLE WHETHER I’M ON THE PHONE OR NOT!!”
Me too, Scooter Lady. Me too.
Nice reasoning on her part! Geez!
You know what really strikes me as scary about that? She probably had a full sized conversion van with a handicap placard in the parking lot….
You can only hope that someday she runs into some big ass biker who kicks the living shit out of her 😉
Dude. I AM evil, and at a professional level, too, which means I no longer qualify for the evil Olympics.
And Scooter Lady is lucky you are Non-Violent Man. I would have been quite, quite rude, I’m afraid.
Dude, that’s so going to be me when I’m old and decrepit. In that case, we shouldn’t shop at the same grocery store.
You’re too nice. I would have retorted with “then maybe you shouldn’t be riding around unattended!’.
I’m going to hell on a short bus.
As tolerant as I might like to believe I am, I would have ZERO happy dances to be had for the scooter run-in. I’d have yelled and screamed and hollered at her. And then diced her up and put her in the hot dog bun.
Wow, she set YOU straight. LOL!
From the realm of advice I’m sure you’ve heard before – why not move to a big city close to an airport since you travel so much? It would be perfect for you.
Well, she has a point.
I woulda fallen down and played it off as a big owie and made them call the paramedics. Then a crowd would gather and they would pick on the Scooter Lady asking why she hurt poor widdle me. I would have whined it up more so they would be ready to lynch her in less than 15 minutes. HEH I’ve evil like that.
Maybe you should knock her over out of her scooter and blame it on your phone?
Did you just have your buns burned by a lady in a scooter? Harsh.
All the Albertson’s around here shut down and went out of business. Maybe it was the lack of these buns and the ‘aisle rage’ that was going on.
Would someone please punch her in the vagina? (Yeah, I read tomorrow’s entry before this one)