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Posted on Friday, January 11th, 2008

Dave!Milwaukee's General Mitchell International Airport is fairly small, so some of the "features" of larger airports are compromised. This doesn't bother me in the least, as I generally find smaller airports to be much less of a hassle.

One thing that Milwaukee doesn't have is a dedicated first class line through security. Instead, they have a shortcut that lets you jump to the front of the line. Even though I am usually flying first class, I never use the shortcut. I would feel like an asshole cutting in front of somebody who has been standing in line for twenty minutes, so I don't do it. Rather than being so exceedingly rude, I just show up to the airport early enough that I can stand in line with everybody else. It's no big deal...

MKE Security

Well, it's no big deal EXCEPT when some asshole comes charging down the first class shortcut line and tries to cut in front of me.

Then it's a very big deal.

Rude Bastard: I need to squeeze in front of you here...
Dave: No you don't.
Rude Bastard: I'm first class! You've gotta let me in there!
Dave: (holding up my ticket) Yes, well I'm first class, so you're going to have to wait.
Rude Bastard: If you're first class, why the hell aren't you in the first class line?
Dave: Because I'm not a total douchebag.
Guy Behind Dave: (as he gets cut in front of) Douchebag. =snicker!=

Now, to be fair, the guy IS playing by the rules. Milwaukee has it set up so that first class passengers get to be douchebags, and he's just taking advantage of it. But is it really that hard to show up to the airport fifteen measly minutes early? You may be flying first class, but that doesn't make you a better class of person. I really wish that Milwaukee would just get rid of the stupid shortcut line entirely. It would make for a more comfortable security experience for everybody involved.

Except the douchebags, of course.

But who gives a fuck about them?

Aw, heck... I'm on vacation! For a whole day-and-a-half! I don't care anymore!

"Vacation... all I ever wanted. Vacation... had to get away. Vacation... meant to be spent alone."

Categories: Travel 2008Click To It: Permalink


  1. sizzle says:

    douchebag is such a good word. fitting too.

    enjoy that day and a half!

  2. Lewis says:

    Dave, you’re my kind of man. If you were here, I’d buy you dinner…right after the hug and kiss. The world needs more guys who are thinkers, polite ones. I’m digging it.

  3. Dustin says:

    Oh Jesus, I wish I could have seen that guy’s face when you held up your own 1st class ticket. How did you keep from bitch slapping his sorry ass?

  4. mew says:

    Go Dave!

    That guy deserves a swift punch to the cock. >__

    Enjoy your holiday!

  5. Aunt Robin says:

    Have a great time!

  6. Hilly Sue says:

    WooHoo, vacation for Davey-Joe!!! Rock out with your cock out. Erm, maybe you’d better not….want to spend vacation in fun places, not jail ;).

  7. Bec says:

    Maybe they should just rename it the First Class Douchebag Shortcut so they can still offer a feeling of entitlement but at a price.

  8. Suzy says:

    Gotta disagree with you BIG time on that one. If I flew first class and paid that much more out of my own pocket, you can be sure I’m taking all the amenities that go with it. Airports and lines and the populace is all annoying, any chance to avoid all that, I’m taking it.

    And as for the early thing? I’m always on time or early and one thing I’ve let go of in life is assuming other people are the same as me. It’s a waste of time to wonder why people aren’t as perfect as me (and you).

  9. Dave2 says:

    But that’s the point… hardly anybody pays for first class. The vast majority of people in first class were upgraded from coach because they are frequent flyers or got a last-minute offer to get upgraded for $20 or something.

  10. bogup says:

    Way to go, 1st class Dave2!
    Have fun on your vacation.

  11. kilax says:

    You’re such a cool guy Dave. I hate the douchebag line too, not that I have ever flown first class! But I have seen the line and thought… WTF?

  12. Lisa says:

    Just another reason I don’t fly anymore.

  13. Robin says:

    So you fly first class ALL THE TIME? As someone who was crunched into a middle seat on Tuesday, I don’t think I like you anymore.


  14. Dan says:

    Maybe there should be a special douchebag lane.

  15. Come to think of it – “First Class” does imply a connection with an outmoded ‘class system’ which probably gives some people delusions of superiority and misguided license to act accordingly. Perhaps we need to see our airlines rename their categories…. they could have Uber-Comfy… Moderately Comfy … and Forget-About-Being Comfy categories instead.

  16. I haven’t been commenting on your travel woes of late, but trust me; I feel your pain. I travel 100% of the time. I decided that when you were all pissed off the other week, that it’s time for you to take a two week break off the road.

    You know what those exec plat and plat fuckers do to me when we board the plane? Men actually push me down, even though I am exec plat to get on the f’ing plane. I mean, who does that? I checked my luggage, your dirtbags. I’m not taking overhead space from you.

    Bite me, you pompous, no-life road warriors who can’t treat any other human being well. I’m with you Dave. take a break. you need one.

  17. delmer says:

    The boys and I arrived 3 hours early for our flight to Florida. We just passed through security (Samson declared it the most fun he’s ever had … I expect Disney will be a real treat then.)

    We were the only folks going through security when we made our move.

    I’d never use the special cut-in-front line either. I’d feel like an ass. I like the way you handled the situation.

  18. Karl says:

    You’re right, that is a douchebag thing to do. I’d wait in line, too.

    What’s on the agenda for Davacation?

  19. kaelb says:

    I have to disagree a bit here, Dave. The guy asking you why you didn’t take the first class had a valid question, although he didn’t have to ask it in the way he did. I would have wondered why you didn’t take the first class line, too.

  20. Dave2 says:

    Um, yeah, I realize that. This is why I said “to be fair, the guy IS playing by the rules…”

    But it doesn’t change the fact that I still feel only a douchebag would cut in front of everybody in the first place. 🙂

  21. yellojkt says:

    My company is an Airtran A2B member which means free business class upgrades, which on Airtran is not that big a deal. I had no idea I could be a douchebag and line jump as well. I’ll have to check into this.

  22. Wayne says:

    ARGH. Someone (Karl) took my word “Davacation” Day. Vacation. Dave. Davacation. Douchebag.

    I fly first a lot and I have no issues using the lanes made for me. But I wouldn’t ever say “excuse me, I need to get in front of you.” THAT’s what makes it douchebaggish. I’d just get in line and wait to merge in or wait for the personnel to notice.

    You can have class when you’re first class.

  23. Douchbaggery. Best blog post title ever.

  24. tori says:

    This story illustrates one of the things I love about you. Thank you for being you!

  25. Ian says:

    Here is a fun list of “douchebaggery” terms for you.

  26. kaelb says:

    I just reread your post, and I had misread it the first time. I completely agree with you.

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