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Day Three: Köln

Posted on Monday, January 28th, 2008

Dave!Today at work I was attacked by a bear.

Two bears, actually.

There I was, minding my own business while typing some contact information into my iPhone, when I look up and see bears wandering down the aisle. They are waving to everybody and patting people on the shoulder as they pass. This is typical bear tactics to make people think that they are cute and cuddly when, in fact, they are ferocious killers. Not wanting to get mauled to death in the middle of a candy show, I step way off to the side so they can pass while leaving me unmolested.

This only seemed to encourage the bears (perhaps they smelled my fear?), because they headed my direction, bobbing their giant man-eating heads and waving their giant man-slaying arms. Within seconds, they were upon me. With no gun to shoot them, I panicked and screamed "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! BEARS! BEARS!!!"

As dozens of people stopped whatever they were doing to take notice, the bears freeze in their tracks. The one closest to me then backs away a bit, looking confused. This gives me the opportunity I need to escape. Quickly dodging to the other side of the aisle, I run around the corner and am safe. Victory is mine!

Later in the day, I stalked the bears so I could get a photo. Just look at the ruthless bastards...

Bear Attack

As I'm leaving work, Bad Robert calls me...

ME: Hey Robert.
ROBERT: Dude! You're in Germany! How is it?
ME: Not too bad. I got attacked by bears though.
ROBERT: Sweet! Hey, could you grab me some of that Pop-Rocks Chocolate?
ME: (remembering that I had emailed him about this new chocolate candy that melts in your mouth, then explodes because it has Pop Rocks in it) Ummm, sure. I'll see what I can do.
ROBERT: YEEEESSSSSSSS!!! Hey, call me when you get back and I'll come up.
ME: Sure. See you then.
ROBERT: Well, okay... have fun drinking beer in your lederhosen!

It's then that I realize Robert undoubtedly thinks that everybody in Germany dresses up like characters from our nearby bavarian-themed tourist town of Leavenworth, Washington during Oktoberfest. This is of course, absurd, but I don't tell him that so he can keep the fantasy alive...

Dave Lederhosen

On my way to a delicious dinner of Twisted Mac & Cheese and Smashed Potatoes at the Hard Rock Cafe, I stop off at the LEGO Store so I can see if there's anything special going on since today is the LEGO 50th anniversary. I thought they might be handing out gold bricks or would have commemorative keychains you could buy or something. Unfortunately, not only was there nothing going on, but the employees didn't even seem to be aware of it. I found this kind of sad, because LEGO is my all-time favorite toy. Heck, even Google is getting in on the festivities, but LEGO themselves couldn't bother to do ANYTHING?...

Google LEGO

Oh well. Happy 50th birthday LEGO! Hard to believe all your deserved success was built starting with a single brick...

LEGO Anniversary

And now I really should get back to work seeing as how it's already 9:00pm and all.

Just as soon as I set down my beer and change out of my lederhosen...

Categories: Travel 2008Click To It: Permalink


  1. bogup says:

    Robert is obviously NOT a seasoned traveler. He probably doesn’t even know about money belts… Sad.

  2. claire says:

    Well, I reckon I’ll play some Lego Star Wars later in honor of the day.

    Way to escape those ruthless bears!

  3. adena says:

    I love that you confused the bears by screaming.

    My friend did that w/ the mascot to the Sacramento Kings. Only…she was serious. Then she ran through the store and locked herself in a backroom.

    It’s funny when you discover phobias you didn’t previously know you had before. 🙂

  4. Lewis says:

    You? “Minding your own business”?? Why does that strike me as odd? You know, there’s a whole sort of bear fetish. Well, there’s a “bare” fetish too, but we’ll save that for another day. Happy night’s rest!

  5. Kyra says:

    Whoa whoa whoa… back up there mister. Did you say Chocolate poprocks???? What exactly is it that you do, and how can I get a job like that? (or maybe I’d be better off as one of the bears…)

  6. Miss Britt says:

    Oooh, you can tell by those evil grins – it’s a good thing you escaped when you did!

  7. karla says:

    I’m pretty sure that white bear is a girl.

  8. sizzle says:

    do you find the lederhosen comfy? airy?

  9. Bec says:

    Ah Lego… Still looking as fresh as the day it came out of the box and made a house!

  10. Suzy says:

    The only reason Lego people don’t celebrate their anniversaries is because they’re not us. We celebrate the 3 and a half month anniversary of EVERYTHING, as long as we can make money off it. Maybe the Germans are satisfied just to have their Euro slap our dollar in the face?

  11. Avitable says:

    Ooh – chocolate Pop Rocks??

    I have been playing Lego Star Wars for the Wii – it is kick-ass.

  12. Giggling at your peps collection – they’re just super cute to collect – score!

    But I’m blown blown away by your graphics. How do you have the time? They’re just incredible!

  13. Mooselet says:

    Legos were some of my favourite toys as a kid. Screw the Barbie dolls (ok, not literally) and give me Lego!

  14. Hilly says:

    Good thing you ran away like you did…I suspect they’re furries ;).

    Seriously, chocolate pop rocks make me kind of excited in the way good candy does.

  15. Nancy says:

    Today I learned that LEGO is Dutch for “Play Well”.

  16. Sinjin says:

    Strange, i’m pretty sure i tried chocolate pop-rocks a month or more ago or… found them hiding at the self-checkout monitor’s ‘podium’.
    I was not impressed by the fake flavor.
    More recently i tried Chocolate Skittles… even worse!
    Maybe I’m spoiled with all the swiss & german chocolates i grew up with.

    And is that white bear a female on the inside or outside? 😉

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