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BILLY!

Posted on Tuesday, November 20th, 2007

Dave!I'M BILLY MAYS, HERE TO DRIVE YOU INSANE WITH YET ANOTHER ONE OF MY HORRENDOUSLY ANNOYING COMMERCIALS!

NOBODY MAKES YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF MORE THAN BILLY MAYS!! LISTEN TO ME AS I SCREAM NON-STOP WHILE REMOVING STAINS USING THE AMAZING POWER OF OXYGEN IN OXYCLEAN!! AND THAT'S NOT ALL! I'LL BE BACK IN FIFTEEN MINUTES YELLING MY HEAD OFF WHILE I SHARPEN KNIVES USING THE INCREDIBLE SAMURAI SHARK KNIFE SHARPENING SYSTEM! STILL NOT ENOUGH?? THEN TUNE IN TWENTY MINUTES AFTER THAT WHEN I'LL BE SHOUTING ABOUT ORANGE GLO WOOD CARE PRODUCTS!!

Billy Mays
PHOTO TAKEN FROM BILLY MAYS MAYHEM!

YOU CAN'T AVOID ME!! I'M BILLY MAYS! I'M ON EVERY FUCKING CHANNEL EVERY FUCKING HOUR OF EVERY FUCKING DAY ADVERTISING EVERY FUCKING PRODUCT EVER MADE!! BECAUSE I'M BILLY FUCKING MAYS, DAMMIT!!!

BILLY FUCKING MAYS, DAMMIT!!

   

BILLY MAYS!!!


Categories: Television 2007Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. RW says:

    Ok Dave, you got me. This has got to be one of your top 5 of all time. My face hurts. No lie. :-D

  2. aka_monty says:

    Dude, that’s my husband.

    just kidding.

  3. amanda says:

    Are you feeling alright?

  4. Mooselet says:

    L’il Dave looks far too happy what with all that blood pouring from his eyes are ears. I think Billy Mays has driven him insane as well.

  5. Hilly says:

    It’s a wonder that he doesn’t just “shout it out”.

    Thank you, I’ll be here all week.

  6. Suzy says:

    Billy Mays reminds me of Crazy Eddie from NY. Only Billy Mays IS LOUDER AND NEEDS TO DIE. And if you’ve ever seen Crazy Eddie, you know how serious that wish is.

  7. Whit says:

    My 4-year-old tells me to ‘oxidize it.’ What the hell?

  8. adena says:

    It could be worse.

    It could be David Caruso yelling at you to buy things.

  9. Lewis says:

    YEAH! I’M THE FIRST COMMENTER!
    Well, I hate to tell you, but his advertising obviously works. It’s driven you up the (what’s the word of the day now….fuck?) fucking wall. He’s done his job well!
    I can’t stand the noise, the banter, the high pitched squeel….and everything else that you hate. Happy Thanksgiving to you, my friend!

  10. Bre says:

    Dude, Halloween is over. The time for horrific blog posts has passed!

  11. ETinNY says:

    Bless you! I thought I might be the only one that wanted to see him drown in a vat of Oxyclean and then blanch into a whiter shade of pale…without musical accompanyment from Procol Harum. (Ummm, you got his autograph?)

  12. SJ says:

    Apparently EVERYONE hates Billy Mays.

    Hello? Is this thing on?

  13. Sheila says:

    So, what exactly are you trying to convey here? ;)

  14. Belinda says:

    Now, he is also selling some kind of leak-repair goo, and screaming about that as well. There is NO ESCAPE.

  15. amandarin says:

    Couldn’t have said… er… screamed it better myself. I cannot hit the “mute” button fast enough when I’m assaulted by one of his commercials.

    Pardon me while I go mop the blood out of my eye sockets and ears.

  16. The Chad says:

    I believe you forgot to mention the crappy hooks that you puncture your wall with that can supposudly hold anything.

  17. Alexei says:

    I’m so glad we don’t have him in England.
    However, we have ‘Barry Scott’. Probably just as bad. He shouts at the camera about ‘Cillit Bang!’.

    It’s truly, truly awful.

  18. Now, this post was just plain fun. Thanks for starting my morning off on the right foot.

  19. Lisa says:

    I’m guessing you don’t like Billy Mays much. ;) I can do without the screaming ads, but some of the products are great.

  20. Avitable says:

    I love him! Him and Ron Popeil.

  21. diane says:

    My boyfriend does the most amazing impression of Billy Mays you will ever see. It is both hilarious and disturbing.

  22. bogup says:

    ROFLMAO!!!
    I’ve always disliked this moron and his products. Thanks for graphically depicting my sentiments. EXACTLY.

  23. Mike says:

    ha ha ha!

    Imagine this: In Qu├ębec, we have the same infomercials but translated in French!

    JE SUIS BILLY MAYS! ACHETEZ MES PRODUITS!

    ;-)

  24. Dariush says:

    Aw man. I love Billy Mays. And I love Oxy Clean.

  25. kilax says:

    I’ve never heard of or seen Billy Mays.

  26. Bec says:

    You love him, you want him, you know it.

    Nope, feel sick… sorry…

  27. Baak says:

    One more bonus to unplugging our satellite. ;)

    Suggestion: record everything so you can skip the brain-eating bleeding-eye-inducing commercials. :)

  28. Patty says:

    I guess he thinks by all the yelling that he is getting our attention. But, really he is just making us insane and not wanting to buy his products.
    Hope you have a nice turkey day and don’t work to hard!

  29. StephanieP says:

    Dave, I hate Billy Mays also. However, there is a surprising number of gay guys who think he’s “hot” and “a cuddly bear.” Check out the Billy Mays Mayhem page. It’s hilarious AND scary! I’m yelling!

  30. Dave2 says:

    Well, it’s not as if I hate Billy Mays… I try not to hate anybody (though people like Ann Coulter make this really, really difficult!)… I just can’t stand coming back from a long, long day of traveling and meetings, turn on my television so I can relax, then am immediately assaulted by Billy Mays screaming at me. Argh.

    Though, I must say, the guy is a presence to be reckoned with, and businesses wouldn’t hire him if he wasn’t effective, so I guess we have only ourselves to blame. :-)

  31. Anonymous says:

    why must he yell at us?!
    i don’t want to be yelled at when
    shopping.
    i want to shop, peacefully >__

    (i have a friend who is actually fond
    of infomercials. )

  32. Jeff says:

    This post is so loud my wife overheard it while I was reading it and asked me who was screaming in the background. I told her IT WAS FUCKING BILLY MAYS!

  33. yellojkt says:

    Apparently, I don’t watch enough television, my wife’s complaints to the contrary. I’ve never heard of the guy.

  34. Scott says:

    Hi Dave. I just found your blog. I gotta say you were so right on with this hilarious post that I gave you props on my blog for it!

  35. Would you believe that at one point in my life, shortly after 9/11, when the bottom fell out of the advertising media industry and they axed my whole department, I actually interviewed to be this guy’s personal assistant slash marketing manager? Yeah, I was that desperate.

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