Oh! Oh! Oh! OH! OH! OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!
After driving three hours yesterday, all I really wanted to do was get some sleep. I had to get up early this morning, and a good night's rest would go a long way toward my day getting off to a good start. Except I think we all know I'm just not that lucky. Around 1:30am there was a loud bang followed by wild moaning coming from the room behind my headboard. In my groggy state, I first thought that a woman was being killed next door. But after I woke up I realized that it was just a woman being killed next door.
I think she was faking it.
Or she was having the best sex of her life.
Or she was being murdered. I dunno, because it's such a fine line.
And now it's time for...
WHICH IS SCARIER? While shopping for dental floss, I came across something disturbing. Which doll is more terrifying... George Bush or Hilary Clinton?...
If you said anything except "both" then you're wrong. They are equally scary, but for very different reasons. And some of the same reasons. All I know is that either doll would scar a child for life.
And now it's time for...
WHAT'S WRONG? Other than the fact that I'm trying to use my camera while driving, what's wrong with this picture?...
If you said "Dave is overdue for his oil change," then you're wrong. Well, you're not totally wrong... I am totally overdue for my oil change, but that's not what I was going for. No, what I was going for was that I am driving 36mph in a 60mph zone here... BECAUSE THE DUMBASS AHEAD OF ME WON'T GO THE SPEED LIMIT! Yet if I were to run them off the road so that they explode in a fiery ball of death and destruction, it would be ME who would be considered the criminal! There is no justice.
And now it's time for...
WHAT'S THE SIGN? After driving past several miles of rocky cliffs, rock-filled walls, barriers constructed out of rock material, and actual rocks, what do you think this sign is going to say?...
If you said "Wild Dingo Crossing" then you're wrong. No, the sign that somebody felt was worth spending several hundred dollars to erect here says "ROCKS." Because stating the sublimely obvious is money well spent...
And now, from the "I swear I am not making this stuff up" department, I got another wrong number call while driving back home today...
DAVE: Hello?
GUY: Yeah, is Jayden there?
DAVE: Nope. Sorry, you've got the wrong number.
GUY: So you're not Jayden?
DAVE: Not right now.
WTF?? You have the wrong number but you expect to end up talking to the person you were calling anyway?!? How exactly is that supposed to work? Are you calling with a MAGIC phone?
And now I'm going to bed to do do New York Times Crosswords puzzles on my Nintendo DS until I fall asleep. Which will probably be in about 10 minutes.
I hope.
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OK, OK, I’ll stop giving out your number. 😉
I particularly like how the “Rocks” sign appears as you’re halfway through the giant wall of stone, just in case you hadn’t noticed anything at all on your right side. Thanks for the much needed laughs.
I think the girls (candace…Jaydan…) are really the SAME girl….and it’s a girl who you either jilted, or she just really hates you.
And she’s wrong numbering you all over town.
I never answer my phone unless I recognize the number. If I don’t know who it is, they can leave a message if it’s important.
The one thing I really like about my new job so far is the fact that I’m not on the road all the time anymore. I don’t have to deal with stupid drivers hardly ever anymore. Oh what a feeling 😀
As for the Rocks sign… I have a whole collection of pictures of crazy signs I come across in my travels. It’s amazing what the Sign People of the world can come up with!
Hey, you answered on a magic phone, so anything is possible!
I think George’s pants are on backwards…
Re: the dolls — I would expect the Hilary dolls to speak ebonics if black people bought them, southern drawl if southerners bought them, surfer speak if californians bought them, etc.
Oh and tell me you have Brain Age or Big Brain Academy! Those are the BEST GAMES for the DS!
But at least she would speak coherently, using real words in complete sentences.
I think the Hillary doll looks like a zombie..and the Bush doll looks like Bush. So yeah they are equally bad in different ways.
On a bizarre side note, last night I had a dream I met you in a comic book shop. Although the location does not surprise me..the fact I had it at all rather disturbs me. Must stop reading Blogography before bed.
Maybe that ROCKS sign was put up by the State Office of Self-Esteem to cheer people up as they drive by — Dave ROCKS!! — reminding them to feel good about themselves!
Slow. Drivers.
Slow. Drivers.
Hellary appears to have blood dripping from the sides of her mouth, matching the crazed-vampire look in her eyes. Dang, that’s realistic.
I’m amazed there wasn’t a cute Lil’ Dave head sticker above the word “ROCKS” – that’d work! 😉
You’re right, those dolls are scary. We can only hope they’re covered in lead-based paint and will be recalled soon.
Hey, wait! Is the GW doll anatomically correct? Can he bend over? I’ll take one!
Paybacks are hell.
But the hilary doll on the left is staring right at me… I think she can see into my soul!! I am a little worried about your new ‘taking-pictures-whilst-driving’ hobby, especially with the added danger of rocks… be safe Dave!
Do those dolls say “Country Superstar” and “Boogie Down” on them? They dance??? That’s even scarier than what you were shooting for.
I like to call random people and then make them connect me with the right person.
Couldn’t you honk your horn at the slow driver and make them get off on the shoulder? That’s what I would have done.
As a woman who is an expert in faking orgasms, let me give you the “in”.
If there was no groaning, but only the screaming, it was fake. If it was really loud, it was fake. If there was only one bump, trust me; it was fake. If there were only three “ohs”, it was fake. If you heard afterward, “Are you finished yet?”, it was fake. If you heard more than one “oh oh oh” five minutes apart, it was fake.
Well, hell. It was fake. Period. No doubt.
Haven’t we already ‘tried’ George Bush and decided we don’t care for him too much.
The other night I got a wrong-number call. The call was speaking Spanish. I don’t and I hoped they understood “you’ve got a wrong number.” They eventually said something that sounded polite and hung up.
They called back a minute later and I, suspecting it might be the same person, answered with a “Hola.” The said something that sounded polite, again, and hung up.
(I mention the ‘polite’ bit as most English speakers who accidentally call me just hang up without any sort of ‘sorry,’ or ‘my apologies,’ thrown in to end the call. Of course, the Spanish speaking person could have been saying ‘bite me a**wipe’ and I’d have never known … but she did have a nice tone in her voice.)
Yay for flossing! And hearing people sexing it up. I know you would have preferred them to get busy a few hours earlier, but hey.
Rough sex or domestic violence? Hard to tell.
I’m SOOO glad my noisy neighbors moved out – separately.
So what exactly are these dolls asking us to do when they say “TRY ME!”? Because I can’t think of a single thing that I would want to “try” with either of them – except of course for stabbing knives into their eyes, but then I don’t think the stores would appreciate that.
Normally I’d say Bush but I’m going with Hilary because someone already emailed me today and said, “Hey Hilly, did you see your namesake doll?”. It’s like the way-back-when machine when people would call me and say, “Hey Hilary, where’s Bill?”. Ugh.
Oh sorry to vent. Is Jayden there? Can I please talk to Jayden? 😉
Haha that sign ‘rocks’ =D and Hilary’s eyes are a tad…spooky…maybe those dolls have been brought out for Hallowe’en. Like if you dress up as George Bush Snr you can take a little GWB puppet with you. Hehe.
Ooooooohhh! It could be worse. You could have been following a slow, scary driver that looked like Hilary or George who stopped and walked to your car to inform you they were driving slow because they heard there were rocks!
BTW, what DS game are you playing the NY Times Crosswords on it? I must have it!
I have been too afraid to use my camera while driving.
of course, I don’t have a camera phone.
I am CONVINCED that would make it safer.
oh! i want a magic phone!
I don’t know why, but I must have a George W. Bush doll. That’s so sad. 🙂
I like playing your games… but you gave all the answers away! 😉
Hmm, that does look like W… but I think the other doll looks more like Ellen Degeneres than Hillary Clinton! Sheesh!
I feel your pain. Honest.
A magic phone sure would be cool…maybe you could use it to call the guy ahead of you going well below the speed limit!
I had some honest-to-god hippies (long hair, long beards, driving a 1970’s volvo) pull that 30 mph bullshit on me the other day. I gave them the polite half-second honk to say “hey, people behind you” (as opposed to the 3 second “MOVE YOUR SKETCHY ASS” honk) and they just slowed down and started waving at me out the windows. You can’t tell me a jury would convict in those circumstances.
Those dolls are SCARY! And they talk, too? Worse. As Aunt R said (above) I hope they are filled with lead and recalled soon. “Try me?” Not today, thanx.
I know where those rocks are. I did that drive a number of times. I liked it a lot.
But if you are that bored with it why dont you go by Waterville?
Aren’t these Bush dolls for Halloween ? Hope so anyway. 😆
Either of those dolls look like they are both ready and willing to eat someone’s baby if they lean to close. Thanks, Dave. Now I won’t be getting any sleep tonight.
I think it’s crazy that Senator is spelled Senater :S
I didn’t know about the crosswords for the DS. I usually play brain age on the DS so that is right up my alley!