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Posted on Saturday, October 6th, 2007

Dave!Bleh. I hate to shop, but had to drive into the city this afternoon so I could run some errands. Usually I would pick a week-day to avoid the crowds, but I didn't have any choice. What a mistake that turned out to be. The mall was frickin' nuts. By the time I got home, I was ready to beat my head against a wall, drink a fifth of vodka, take a handful of sleeping pills, and go into a nice relaxing coma.

In better news, tomorrow is my grandmother's 90th birthday! She's one of the best people I know, and I love her more than my iPhone!

Grandma and Dave
Grandma helping me with my drinking skills during those early years.

Since my grandmother is a hardcore Seattle Mariners baseball fan, we thought it would be fun to surprise her with a Mariners decorated birthday cake. I printed out the Mariner's logo from their web site and gave it to my mother so she could have one made. When she ordered it, she handed over the logo and asked for "Happy Birthday" to be written across the bottom. Today she went to pick it up, and this is what we got...

Grandma Cake

Uhhhh... yeah. I suppose it wouldn't have been so awful if the entire cake wasn't all lopsided. Obviously, we couldn't serve something so heinous for such a special occasion, so we started making desperate phone calls to see if somebody could make us a new cake. That's when we found out that it's illegal for cake decorators to use copyrighted materials (like the Seattle Mariner's logo) to decorate their cakes. Oops.

So I decided for the bakery to just write "Happy Birthday" on the cake and put a border around it. Then I'd go ahead and add the logo myself. The problem is that none of the logos I found on the internet were of high enough resolution to print out for a cake. I thought somebody must have an EPS vector graphic online somewhere, but Googling turned up nothing. I finally gave up and just drew it myself. I tried to find a font to write "Seattle Mariners" around the logo, but couldn't find one that looked right. Ultimately I had to create my own typeface as well...


To make sure there would be no mistake with how we wanted the cake to look this time, here's what I handed over to the bakery...

Grandma Cake
Logo © ™ ® by the Seattle Mariners

I wrote a note asking them to please do everything except the logo since I'll be adding that myself. I pick up the cake tomorrow morning, so I guess we'll see what happens.

What's cool is that last week I found some officially licensed party supplies to match the cake...

Mariner Party Gear
Merchandise © ™ ® by the Seattle Mariners

What's not cool is how much money officially licensed party crap costs! TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!? I suppose that they have to pay those billion-dollar sports salaries somehow, but TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!? You'd think for that kind of money that the Party Pack would include an actual Seattle Mariner baseball player... or maybe even an Ichiro bobble-head... but you'd be wrong. All you get are plates, napkins, cups, and forks.

That's a pity, because an Ichiro bobble-head would have been totally sweet.

Categories: DaveLife 2007Click To It: Permalink


  1. Hilly says:

    Um, is that first picture you already loving the beers at an early age? 😉

    Happy Birthday to your Grandmother!!!!! And you are a very good and amazing grandson to go to all of that trouble to make sure her cake and party decorations are perfect :).

  2. ChillyWilly says:

    $25 seems pretty high for regular cups and plates with a logo on them. But for a 90th birthday party, sometimes it’s worth it to splurge.

    Great design work… nice to have those skills for unskilled cake designers.

  3. Catherine says:

    Well, my thoughts on the matter are, you did such a beautiful job with the thing there that you handed to the bakery, and you are so creative and stuff, couldn’t you have done this freehand, yourself? They sell these nifty tubie things at grocery stores with blue and tealish icing, I bet you’d have done a killer job. Also, your font there is really dead on. Also, I’m drunk. I haven’t done drunken commenting in a while, this is fun!

  4. adena says:


    Nice nappies there, Dave….:)

    And, good luck w/ your grandma’s cake…though, I can’t believe any self respecting “bakery” would actually hand someone that lopsided mess of a cake!

    Hope she has a happy birthday!

  5. Bec says:

    That cake looks like a last thing Friday affair…

    Am going to leave it there before I start ooo-ing and aw-ing at Baby Dave.

    Happy birthday to your grandmother!

  6. Baak says:

    Happy Birthday to your Grandma! 🙂

    Wow – I think I had that same lion book when I was a kid.

  7. Laurence says:

    Joyeux anniversaire, Grand-maman de Dave2 ! 🙂

  8. HoosierGirl5 says:

    You love your grandma MORE than your Iphone? That is saying a lot! I am very impressed!!!


  9. Robin says:

    I hate shopping too. (Yeah, I know, I’m a discredit to my gender.) Anyway, you’ve my deepest sympathies about the mall and all. May I suggest, instead of Vodka, a nice full-bodied Cabernet with those sleeping pills? After that your head will pound so bad, you won’t need to do it yourself. Save the sheetrock.

    Happy Birthday tomorrow, Grandma! 🙂

  10. Jeff says:

    Wow, a two-fisted drinker even – impressive!

    Holy crap, the internets are quiet this weekend!

  11. Lewis says:

    Wouldn’t it still be fun to get you into those little diaper/rubber pullups with your arms up over your head? Good times in small town America!

  12. Avitable says:

    How are you going to do the logo? With icing by yourself? I’d like to see how that turns out!

  13. Catherine says:

    omg, how thoughtless of me, I meant to also say:

    Happy Birthday, Dave’s Grandmother!

  14. Tracie says:

    I hope you don’t pay for that cake.. that’s aweful!

    And I hope the new one turns out fantabulous. Happy Birthday, Dave’s Grandma!

  15. yellojkt says:

    The cake got all lopsided by shoving through the printer. Those things always mush the cake a little.

    And I think you really do love your iPhone, but are too nice to lie to your grammy.

  16. Bre says:

    HATE shopping? Wow. I had heard that you people existed, but I figured it was just an urban legend…

    Happy birthday to your grandma!

  17. Tal says:

    What a crap cake (the first one)! You could make cut-out stenciles and then sprinkle them with coloured sugar. Or try looking into stores for those printer sheets, you can print onto them and put them onto the frosting and the frosting will absorb the pricture (not sure how healthy it is to eat the colouring, but hey, if she is 90 already….). Best wishes to her!

    Yeah, sometimes I think the (R) and TM things are a little out of control. (ok, lots of times I think this, that they are ALOT out of control)

  18. Happy Birthday Grandma!

  19. Michelle says:

    Aww that wee baby-Dave picture’s so sweet! Hope the cake turns out well!

  20. SJ says:

    Happy 90th Birthday, Beloved Grandmother of Dave!!!

    And it has to be said: REAL Lil’ Dave is even cuter than Toon Lil’ Dave!

  21. ajooja says:

    As a Cardinals fan myself, I just love it that old people seem to enjoy baseball more than younger people. I know my appreciation of the game didn’t really hit me until I was about 30-35.

    The laid-back excitement appeals to me more than other sports these days. I would have never thought that when I was 25.

  22. sizzle says:

    i sure hope you didn’t have to pay for that lopsided cake. what the hell!? you’re so sweet to go to such lengths- i hope the party was a blast. yay for grandmothers!

  23. Robin says:

    Happy Birthday to your Grandma!

    Aren’t you sweet for making it a special day for her!

  24. annie says:

    Shit, for $25 dollars, you could have bought TWO BEERS at the concession while at an actual game!

  25. Wayne says:

    Happiest of birthdays to your gramms. It looks like you’re pouring one of them on your head.

    Beer drops keep fallin’ on my head.
    But that doesn’t mean Liz Hurley won’t be in my bed
    Zombie’s not for me
    I’m never gonna stop that Bad Monkey complainin’…
    Because she’s nineteeeeeee
    Nothing’s worryin me!

  26. kilax says:

    You’re such a good grandson 🙂

  27. I hope you’ll show us the new cake when you get it finished. Over the years, I’ve messed up on some cakes pretty badly, but I’m not a professional baker. I can’t imagine that “bakery” actually charging you money for that mess! I’m sure your grandma is going to have a wonderful time at her party. Happy Birthday Grandma!

  28. bogup says:

    Happy 90th to your Grandmother!!! What a wonderful birthday it should be and I’m sure she won’t mind whatever Mariner cake she is given. I hope she gets balloons too.
    BTW, great pic of early Dave2. Your Grandma gave you your eyes!
    Do you still have that red tractor? If it is in good condition I’ll bid 12.50 for it on eBay. 🙂

  29. Iron Fist says:

    Happy birthday Dave’s Grandma! I bet you never guessed, all those years ago, that your grandson would grow up to have the world’s greatest website. And if you did, you were frickin’ smart, because no one else in the sixties predicted this whole World Wide Web thing.

  30. Neil says:

    What a great early photo of you! And your haircut isn’t that much different today.

  31. ses5909 says:

    You’re a great grandson. I’m a mariner’s fan having lived there just a few years ago.

    I was going to email this but couldn’t find a contact page. Your blog link in your sidebar doesn’t work. You’ve got the a href going to “#”

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