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Posted on Monday, August 20th, 2007

Dave!My work schedule keeps changing. One minute I've got two days before I start... the next minute I've got two hours. This makes any grand adventure out of the question, so I decided to just wander down toward Milwaukee and catch a movie or something.

But first, breakfast.

Since it was 11:30am before I got my work situation figured out, I missed my breakfast window of opportunity... but still wanted breakfast. Remembering that Cracker Barrel serves breakfast all day, I decide to see if there's a location near me. Thanks to iPhone, stuff like this is simple...

  1. Wake up iPhone and select Google Maps.
  2. Enter my location and press the "search" button.
  3. Type in "Cracker Barrel" and press the "search" button.

And, just like that, iPhone pops up with the nearest Cracker Barrel down on County Line Road Q in Menomonee Falls (if Apple ever adds a GPS unit, that would eliminate step 2...hint, hint). Have I said how much I totally love my iPhone?

After a plate of eggs and corn bread muffins with a side of grits, I consult iPhone once again to see what movies are playing at the AMC down at the Mayfair Mall. Turns out that Superbad doesn't start until 1:40, so I decide to take a look at the new Apple Store at Bayshore Town Center in Glendale before I go. I have no idea where that is but, once again, iPhone comes to the rescue with detailed maps and driving directions, complete with traffic status. How did I ever get along in life without it?

The Glendale Apple Store is nice enough, but it turns out that Bayshore Town Center is a kind of elitist-fascist shopping area with a "Code of Conduct" posted at the entrances. Rules include "no congregating in groups of more than four people" and "no profanity" and "you must carry photo identification" and "no unauthorized photography." This kind of scary crap made me feel very much out of place and unwelcome, so I decided to bail. But not before screaming "FUCK YOU BAYSHORE TOWN CENTER" at the top of my lungs and taking this completely unauthorized photo of the Apple Store there...

Apple Store Bayshore Town Center

Surprisingly, this anti-conduct behavior did not cause a swarm of security guards to come beat me up and kick me out of Bayshore Town Center as I expected. It's too bad, because then I would have REALLY had something to blog about.

Then I was off to the much more sane and friendly Mayfair Mall, where I arrived just in time to see Superbad. Except not really. Once the twenty minutes of commercials, advertising, previews, and crap had aired, THEN I got to see the movie.

Superbad was pretty darn funny, and seeing Michael Cera on the big screen just makes me miss Arrested Development all the more. Oddly enough, however, I found the main story-line with Jonah Hill to be kind of annoying... it was the sub-plot with two cops played by Bill Hader (funnier here than he's ever been on Saturday Night Live) and Seth Rogen (who co-wrote Superbad) that completely stole the show for me. Funny, funny, stuff... McLovin.

Almost as funny as when I went to pick up my rental car yesterday and saw that two guys had decided to ignore the warning signs, arrows, and big-ass spikes so they could exit through the entrance gate...

Severe Tire Damage

I hope that they purchased the full insurance coverage option on their rental. But I'm guessing that they probably didn't, because once I got inside I noticed them in a heated discussion with the manager. I think that they were actually trying to blame him for their mistake, so good luck with that guys!

And now I'm at work. But I can't hook my laptop up to internet here for some reason, so heaven only knows when I'll get to post this (my schedule has me working straight through until 9:00am). Bleh. Maybe I can escape for a midnight "lunch break" or something.

UPDATE: And so I run back to my hotel where I will have internet to post this, and decide to stop at McDonald's for a large fries and a chocolate shake. But when I get to my room and open the bag, I see that my large fries is only HALF-FULL!!! Frickin' rip-off McDonald's bastards! Is nothing sacred?

Categories: Apple Stuff 2007, Movies 2007, Travel 2007Click To It: Permalink


  1. Brandi says:

    So, McLovin’s cousin? What the hell kind of job keeps you up at suck odd hours other than secret agent? Oh! I just totally blew your cover!

  2. Suzy says:

    Half a bag of fries is certainly wrong. But I stopped getting their shakes when it was discovered there is NO MILK or DAIRY product in them. Which is why they tasted so great when I was young and now taste like a shoe.

  3. minimimi says:

    Aren’t you just mchatin those mcdonalds mcbastards that mcrip you off all the mctime?….ok, was that a bit mcmuch?

  4. bluepaintred says:

    those tire spiky things are pretty scary! And as for the McDonalds? One French fry is better than none frech fry, be happy with what you got or hand ’em over!

  5. Mike says:

    I love Arrested Development. I own them all on DVDs and lend them to all of my friends so they can realize what a great show it was! I’ve converted dozens!

    Although I must say that Michael Cera seems to have a limited range as an actor. His Evan was not that different from his George-Michael, but I’m willing to give him a chance, he still can grow as an actor.

    Still Superbad was very very funny.

  6. Robin says:

    So…how do you like your iPhone?

  7. Avitable says:

    Michael Cera has great comedic timing, especially for someone so young.

  8. adena says:

    Loving the picture! “Spikey things” is very technical.

  9. Walt says:


    There are a lot of things that can be tolerated but F-ing with fries is like shitting on the flag or dry humping Ben Franklin’s skull! Punishment for such an act should be nothing less than being skinned to the waist and then deep fried and salted! I hope the person that shorted you receives a horrible dose of ass cancer and is then stuck on a pike for display as warning NOT TO SCREW WITH A HUNGRY MAN’S FRIES!

  10. delmer says:

    Do you suppose that when the front tires hit the spikes and the tires deflated (and presumabley made a noise of some sort) the first guy said, “Hmmm, I wonder what that was?” and an instant later the second guy said, “I don’t know, but there it was again,” as the back tires were ruined?

  11. diane says:

    My friends and I felt the same way about Superbad. The McLovin’ storyline could have been the movie by itself, and it would have been awesome.
    Agree about Michael Cera/Arrested Development, too. Almost made me start buying old seasons on DVD…

  12. sizzle says:

    to answer your question- no nothing is sacred.

    oh that was rhetorical? my bad.

  13. Caroline says:

    I thought Superbad was hysterical. No one plays the awkward character better than Michael Cera. Though Gob and Buster always made me laugh out loud, George Michael was the real Arrested Development entertainment for me. He’s genius. Pure genius. Damn, I miss it.

  14. bogup says:

    Maybe, just maybe, the Bayshore Town Center has a retrictive “anti-conduct policy” because of guys similar to those who drive over spike strips.

  15. Lewis says:

    Actually, didn’t you know…..In Wisconsin:
    1. McDonald’s fries are only flled 1/2 full
    2. There is no congregating anywhere in the state of more than four people
    3. You can go in where it says out and out where it says in…(I know that doesn’t sound very good….take an aspirin and call me in the morning).

  16. Wayne says:

    The movie looks like it’ll be good; glad to keep hearing good reviews. Of course, if this keeps up, my expectations will be way too high and it’ll be “so-so”.

    re: the “didn’t have any security guards come out” etc… here’s the deal. They DID come out. They DID swarm you. They overpowered you, took you in, re-brainwashed you, and loaded some new surveillance stuff on your iPhone, and injected a new batch of the “I love Apple” hormone in your brain. Then they sent you on your merry way, removing the memory and made sure you blogged about Apple.

    Oh wait. They’re on their way again to me. Fortunately I don’t like Apple that much beca….


    I love Apple so much. Get me an iPhone, dude. Oh Apple, we love thee.

  17. blanetalk says:

    The Bayshore Town Center experience vs. the Mayfair Mall experience is a microcosm of what living in southeastern Wisconsin was like. You just have to get to the parts where people’s noses aren’t so high in the air that they can’t see you.

    The spikey-thing picture is brilliant! Thank you, thank you, thank you!

    I don’t want to know about the shakes.

    Finding your drive-through order is McLight is not unusual, or limited to just the McFranchises. Unfortunately, traveler survival tip # 23 is:

    ALWAYS check the goods BEFORE you pull away from the drive-through window! It’s sad, but a necessity.

  18. Mia says:

    So there actually is a purpose for that rental car insurance they try to sell you? “In Case Of Your Being An Asshat” insurance? Who sees those big spikey things and just thinks they can drive over them? You’ve gotta be a special kind of stupid to do that.

  19. Dustin says:

    I’d just finished up a veiny triumphant bastard…” …that’s the exact part where I fell off my seat laughing.

    In other news, movie theaters need to clean their floors more thoroughly.

  20. I swear you have the worst diet for a vegetarian ever, though I admit I went to Cracker Barrel myself the other day and ordered bfast (all the lunch veg sides were made “the old-fashioned way” – meaning mixed with pig tissue.)

    Anyway I think you were punished karma-style with the half-full fries from McDonalds for going there. And you belie your cynical attitude by describing them as “half-full” instead of the more accurate “half-empty.”

  21. Cavan says:

    Every time someone mentions Arrested Development I get a lump in my throat. I want it back!

  22. Troy says:

    Grits!!! I went to Cracker Barrel in Michigan. They asked me if I wanted Grits. I said “I’ve never had them but I’ll give them a try”. So not right. Kind of like creamed corn without the goodness.

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