It's a sound I remember well. A sound I loathe with every fiber of my being. A sound I thought that I had eliminated from my life forever.
It's that annoying sound that a Motorola mobile phone makes when the battery is running low. Last night some dumbass in the room next to mine left his dying phone behind while he was away. I can only imagine that he was out banging some crack whore, and didn't want the inconvenience of having his wife call while he's acquiring his latest STD (why else leave your mobile behind?).
Meanwhile, I had to try and work while that stupid mobile phone kept begging for somebody to charge it. Eventually I cranked up my iPod so I wouldn't hear it, but that's not the way I work best. I need silence.
The owner eventually returned around 10:40pm... but waited an agonizing ten minutes before plugging-in his phone (sorry buddy, but washing your dick in the sink is no substitute for a shot of penicillin). Silence was mine at last, and I started in on my work once again, confident that my troubles were over.
I would be wrong, of course.
Around 1:30am I was beyond tired and decided to finally drop into bed. I took a couple of sleeping pills, hoping that I might be able to sleep-in late and get a full eight hours rest for once. Heaven only knows I need it after a week of not getting much sleep at all.
But the phone rang at 7:00am, waking me from a dead-sleep...
Since they hung-up on me, I'll now take a minute to respond...
Dear Anonymous Blogography Fan Callers,
Thank you so much for your phone call bright and early this morning at 7:00am! I cannot help but be touched. It's people like you who make my blogging experience all the more satisfying and worthwhile. By taking the time to let me know just how much you care, I'm even more inspired to keep writing in my blog. Your enthusiasm and kind words are a beacon of light in the darkness of my existence, and I am ever so grateful to you for sharing your feelings with me!
And one more thing before I forget...
After napping for a couple more hours, I had to go out most of the day for work. Around 2:00 it was scorching, and I decided to take a break from the heat. I bought a bottle of Vitamin Water and took a seat in front of an office building where they were kind enough to put benches around a large planter. While I was sitting there, I looked down and noticed a small worm struggling on the hot sidewalk. It had rained earlier, which probably drew him out of hiding, but now all the moisture had evaporated leaving him high and dry. I was pretty sure the little guy was a goner, but I kicked him aside, picked him up, then set him in the planter under the shade of some greenery. Maybe he would get lucky and recover.
A woman sitting two seats away from me was talking on her mobile phone loud enough for me to overhear her disgust as she said "Gross! Some guy just picked a WORM up off the STREET!!" I immediately turned towards her and said "Don't worry, if you were to collapse dying on the sidewalk right now, I wouldn't lift a finger to help YOU out."
Then I walked away mad at myself because I knew that I undoubtedly would help the bitch if she collapsed on the sidewalk.
But I'd "accidentally" step on her mobile phone and smash it into a million pieces while I was trying to save her hater ass. Karma, and all that...
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wait, they called you (at 7am) to just say that and then hang up? are they 12? did they sound 12? i mean if they really love your blog they would know you need sleep! (and some vegetables)
you saved a worm. you’re a gem.
Where do I start on this FABULOUS post? Maybe with the neighbor who shares a wall with me and either a. has sex louder than the re-entry of the space shuttle or b. forgets to turn off his alarm clock because he didn’t come home and it rings for 17 gamillion hours?
OR, the times I was on the road doing standup and all the locals knew where we were staying and decided to come knock on our doors at 4 am? Because who wouldn’t be in show business and up at that hour?
OR the times I’ve turned to a person on their cell phone standing next to me minding my own beeswax and trying to get some peace and quiet and said, “Take your stupid ass boring phone call somewhere where there are NO PEOPLE or I will call my husband the Terminator and have him do it for you.”
The sad thing is that people on their cells have no idea how boring their lives are.
I’m a little testy today, no?
Oh man, you were prank called by two young girls?? Ha ha ha!! I’m sorry your sleep suffered, but that is frakkin’ hilarious.
Man, those must have been some seriously thin walls in that hotel. You should try a Motel 6 next time!
Oh wait, I just tried that. Never mind.
Listen, pumpkin, that was ME CALLING this morning. Didn’t you recognize my high-pitched squealing and splitting myself into two personalities for the call? I’m crushed.
(PS, and furthermore, I didn’t use the sink….jumped straight into the shower to scrub up.)
Dave….Champion of Worms!
I’m still trying to get my mind around the idea that people still make prank calls in this day and age.
So Dave… got Prince Albert in a can?
lol – I do the worm thing too! 😀
Although I make sure no one is watching first.
Still, isn’t it kind of flattering that someone was thinking of you first thing in the morning?
Jeez Dave you have fans who are so obsessed with you that they find out the number of your hotel and CALL you? That’s like, celebrity STALKING or something.
You know what this means don’t you?
You are a ROCK STAR.
Well, a rock star for strange, blog-geek, slightly inconsiderate little girls who get up WAY too early, but a Rock Star nonetheless.
[A woman sitting two seats away from me was talking on her mobile phone loud enough for me to overhear her disgust as she said “Gross! Some guy just picked a WORM up off the STREET!!” I immediately turned towards her and said “Don’t worry, if you were to collapse dying on the sidewalk right now, I wouldn’t lift a finger to help YOU out.”]
Best recycling of an old joke EVER.
BTW, in an unrelated note … Dave, did you notice the iPhone has been hacked to work on T-Mobile or any other GSM cellular carrier worldwide? A 17-year old New Jersey man named George Hotz (is that a real name!?!) did it, and the AP story, along with a link to his how-to-do-it blog, are all over the net.
I just thought you might be intrigued.
Dave, saver of worms, this morning you have earned my respect…
I wish I had thought of calling and seeing if your refrigerator was running.
That Motorola dead battery sound drives me crazy. One of our phones was doing that in the house one night in the middle of the night and I couldn’t find it. I was about to rip my own ears off.
People are so rude…that lady on the cell phone. They seem like they say whatever without censoring it cause they are on cell phones. I am sick of cell phones and people using them everywhere…I mean theatres, etc. where they shouldn’t.
Hope you can get some sleep soon. I am the insomnia queen this week too.
Imagine they would have knocked at your door…
Aww, worms are so cute. I always feel bad for them when I see them wriggling around on the sidewalk.
Sizzle… No, I think they were older than 12, but the sound was bad so I have no way of knowing. Yesterday I had some lettuce on my veggie burger… does that count? 🙂
Suzy… The REALLY sad thing is that people don’t censor themselves while talking on their mobile phones in public places! I’ve heard some truly outlandish stuff people talk about and they somehow think nobody can hear them? WTF?
Diane… Oh yes… a total riot!
Jeff… The walls aren’t particularly thin (I’ve had much worse) but that Motorola noise is so piercing I don’t think it would matter. You could put it in a 10-inch steel vault and probably STILL hear it!
Lewis… But 7:00am Central is 5:00am Pacific… what were you doing up at 5:00am? Or do I want to know that? 😀
Adena… Eh, it’s what I do. 🙂
Tracy Lynn… I think the coming of the mobile phone kind of killed prank calling, but a hotel is an easy target. Still, it did take me a minute to realize what had happened.
Baak… It doesn’t bother me what other people think, so I’ll gladly take the hit even for a worm.
Whit… Why yes. Yes it is. Though this isn’t exactly what I had in mind!
Karla… Rock star, or easy target loser? It’s a fine line to walk, I think!!
Blane… Uh… what joke? The iPhone has actually been broken by three different groups now. Still, you can’t use all if its features with other carriers, so I’ll just stick with AT&T.
Whitenoise… And surely the worm’s as well! 🙂
Avitable… But this hotel room doesn’t have refrigerators in the rooms! There’s an ironing board though…
Patty… Yep, for some reason people are under the illusion that nobody else can hear them when they’re talking on a mobile phone! They’ll say ANYTHING! Kind of scary, really.
Andre… Then I’d have to imagine that I had a gun! 😉
Kilax… They don’t have very many options in a situation like that, so it’s kind of easy to feel sorry for them. 🙁
The girls, the girls they love love Dave! Could it maybe have been someone you know being silly? I mean, not *me* but someone else that would find that cute? I’d just send a text with my ooey gooey Dave love ;).
No, I meant I make sure no one is watching first if I’m really hungry. 😉
I don’t care what people think either, and I hope someone might see and decide to do the same thing someday – I like the ideas of those kind of things propagating all by themselves. 🙂
How cool! I just saved a worm this week, myself. I was leaving work for the day, and I don’t care if anyone saw!
Honestly, how could anyone hate an earthworm?
if i had any artistic talent, let alone, graphics software, i’d draw a toon of little dan kicking a stone thinking, “no one ever crank calls me, they just get me fired.”
sorry, but it’s going to be a while before all my comments have to do with me getting the boot because of my blog. i guess that’s why you have moderation turned on.
This is my postsecret… I intentionally get really loud when I’m having sex in a hotel room, so that the people next to me get turned on like I do when I hear people having sex. Maybe I should say f*&% me harder Brad Pitt next time just to get a rise out of people. I’m so sadistic.
That is so awesome. AND they got made into a cartoon. You are only encouraging this behavior, you know.
Because YOU LOVE IT, I bet. 🙂
Awww, worms everywhere are singing your praises! But I’m thinking you should’ve proceeded to wipe your hands off on Cell Phone Bitch’s shirt.
DAVE: [A woman sitting two seats away from me was talking on her mobile phone loud enough for me to overhear her disgust as she said “Gross! Some guy just picked a WORM up off the STREET!!” I immediately turned towards her and said “Don’t worry, if you were to collapse dying on the sidewalk right now, I wouldn’t lift a finger to help YOU out.”]
BLANE: [Best recycling of an old joke EVER.]
DAVE: [Blane… Uh… what joke?]
I guess I was thinking of the old line “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t pee on you if you were on fire.”
What the ?! Who the HELL calls ANYONE @ 7 a.m?! LAME.
Thanks for saving wormy, though. I do that, too. 🙂
Somebody linked to this post on FB, so I’m just now reading it and realizing how old it is. Ha! I like it.