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Blaaaaaargh!

Posted on Thursday, August 30th, 2007

Dave!It's 9:00pm and I'm already in bed. DYING!!!

I think I'm coming down with something. Perhaps the ebola virus or the Black Death or whatever other plague-like horror is in fashion these days.

It all started this morning when I awoke in a haze, not feeling myself at all. It was kind of like my mind was off sitting on a shelf somewhere, and my body was moving around all independent and zombie-like. Such as when I found myself standing in the shower trying to remember if I had already shampooed my head or not, then deciding to shampoo anyway just in case. Everything went downhill from there. I think the worst part was when I stopped at a stop sign on the way to work and then forgot how to drive my car for a minute. By the time I remembered how to engage the clutch, I forgot where I was going and how I got there. At first I thought that this was a good excuse to go eat ice cream, but then a vague recollection of having to go to work floated across my mind, ruining an already bad moment.

It must be time for some... oh crap... I just remembered that I dropped an Airborne tablet in a glass of water a half hour ago and forgot to drink it.

Excuse me for a minute...

Well that tasted lovely. Kind of like a cross between 7-Up and battery acid, I'd imagine. I wonder if Airborne can cure an ebola virus outbreak? Hmmmm... probably not. I would think you'd need Pepto Bismol for that. Pepto Bismol can cure anything.

One last thing before I go... if I should happen to actually die from this, please everybody remember to follow my last wishes as to how I want to be buried. Thanks!


Categories: DaveLife 2007Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. SFChick74 says:

    Any mosquito bites on you? Did you touch that dead crow on the sidewalk?

    It’s either West Nile Virus or the Bird Flu. Hope you feel better.

  2. James says:

    Damn dude. Don’t drive to work if you feel like that. Geez-o.

  3. Yeah, something is seriously wrong… I mean, when you wake up in the morning you should immediately feel yourself! (A lot.) But seriously, I hope it passes quickly and that you’re back to full health soon.

  4. I hope that you’re wrong with your diagnoses of Black Death and Ebola virus. That’s some nasty stuff there with festering, oozing pustules and all. I hope you’re feeling better soon.

  5. Michelle says:

    Sounds more like alzheimers then ebola. I hope you feel better soon.

  6. Mr. K says:

    You can’t go yet! Hang in there, Dave. Unless .. you have plans for the Dave Monument to be built at the East Coast. We totally would come and worship .. or at least hang out at the beltline DaveCafe. All Access counts, right?

  7. Anthony says:

    Get well soon man. I’ve got a chest infection myself. Boo-urns.

  8. Avitable says:

    If your iPhone rings, just don’t forget what it looks like and accidentally answer the iron instead.

  9. kapgar says:

    No no no… Windex cures anything! Everyone knows that.

    Happy chugging!

  10. Roberta says:

    I prefer raspberry Emergen-C. Kicked my Dr. Tripps/anthrax right to the curb. Feel better.

  11. Robin says:

    I’m going to prescribe chocolate pudding for you.

    Feel better soon!

  12. ADW says:

    Yucky. I hate being sick, so I feel badly for you. I hope you get better soon, so I can read more evil posts about your iPhone and iPhone accessories. Now I am thinking about Hank Hill. But it’s like I enjoy reading about something I am not getting for months. Crap.

    Get better and torture me some more. M’kay?

  13. SJ says:

    Oh, right! You get us all excited about DaveLA and then freaking DIE on us!

    Selfish bastard.

  14. bogup says:

    Yep, it sounds as if your brain has swelled. Could be a variety of causes, some of which have already been mentioned (above). Cold compresses, aspirin, drink lots of water, rest. And hope you feel better soon!

  15. Miss Britt says:

    You are not allowed to die before coming down to Orlando.

    It’s like, a rule, or something.

  16. sizzle says:

    Should I bring you a Kate?

  17. RW says:

    Nobody dies until they see Russian Tea Time…

  18. bluepaintred says:

    i hope you get better soon Dave.

    I’ve been here three times already today. The first was through bloglines, the next two?

    If you find two really weird search engine requests having to do with false teeth? those were me. You cartoons keep popping up in Google image search!

  19. ajooja says:

    Cheese pizza dipped in butter should do the trick. :)

  20. sue says:

    Awww… feel better soon. That’s no way to enjoy a long weekend. Or a short one. Or… you get the idea.

  21. the patient says:

    This should give you plenty of time to catch up on all our blogs….

  22. Tracy Lynn says:

    It sound like the Plague. Fortunately, Pepto-Bismol will kill the Plague. Well known medical fact. I’m a doctor. Trust me.

  23. Wayne says:

    I bet you’re more tied to the moon phases than you think. We’re just started a period of the waning moon (no pun intended), and in general, energy drops. People are more excited, energetic, etc when the moon’s energy is waxing (growing, getting brighter) and vice versa when waning. Some people are a lot more sensitive to it than they realize.

  24. Lewis says:

    Excuse me while I go and find a chicken, a hatchet, and a Jewish mother to help make the soup and bring it to you. Oh wait, that’s right…you’re a vetrinarian. “No soup for you!” Hope you’re feeling better soon. And, please, stay away from the car…….put the keys down now.

  25. Hilly says:

    I hope you are home and resting now (spanky spanky!). I went out and did your bidding today JUST cause I want you to get better that much ;).

  26. blanetalk says:

    Dave,

    There’s no good time to get seriously sick, but when it hits you as you’re anticipating a holiday/vacation, it always seems to make you feel just a little more miserable. I’m sorry to hear the bug got you, and that it’s dragging out so long.

    Just one quick point, the chocolate pudding will do you more good than the Airborne. The product has a great marketing campaign:

    “Take at the FIRST sign of a cold symptom or before entering crowded environments,” the instructions say. Then “repeat every three hours as necessary.” In the (really) fine print, however, is this: “These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.”

    In fact, the following article at Scientific American states that if you follow the product directions, you will actually consume an unsafe amount of Vitamin A.

    http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?articleID=9389C0F4-E7F2-99DF-3BE657CAD1649375

    You can also search google using “Airborne does it work?” to see more supporting evidence.

    Sorry Dave, but Airborne is no more effective than “Head On – Apply directly to the forehead.”

    Oh, damn, what did I do that for. Make it get out of my head!

    Anyway, hope you get better soon.

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