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Posted on Wednesday, July 11th, 2007

Dave!"Do you find me sexually attractive?"

"Yes, Robert. Yes I do. You are a very sexy man."

I was up working until 1:30am this morning, so when my mobile phone woke me up at the crack of dawn, I wasn't really in the mood for The Bad Robert Experience. It takes a certain kind of tact and mental clarity to have a conversation with him, neither of which I possessed at the time.

"Seriously. I'm emailing you a photo..."

"No. No. No. No. No. Do not email me a photo, Robert. It's too early for me to see a picture of your ass or whatever."

"Hah! Funny. No, check your email. I need you to look at something."

Knowing I would regret it, I hung up the phone and started groping for my glasses on the night-stand. Once my spectacles had been properly situated on my face, I then grabbed my MacBook and waited for Robert's 1.2 megabyte attachment to come through. With each passing second my mind was racing with speculation as to what I might find when the download was complete. Porn? A new tech gadget? Porn? A new motorcycle? DONKEY PORN?!?

After a few moments, the photograph had arrived. It looked something like this...

Robert's Mustache

The ensuing conversation went something like this...

DAVE: You've grown a mustache?
ROBERT: It's cool, right?
DAVE: In a kind of 70's porn star way. I was kidding before, but with that mustache you actually are a very sexy man!
ROBERT: I know! But Super Deluxe Girlfriend hates it. She says she doesn't find me sexually attractive now, and won't let me have sex with her again until I shave it off.
DAVE: Oh well, it was good while it lasted then.
ROBERT: No! I want to keep it!
DAVE: Are you insane? Why would you give somebody as hot as Super Deluxe Girlfriend an excuse not to have sex with you?
ROBERT: Eh. She'll come around.
DAVE: Dude. You are seriously mentally impaired.
ROBERT: Yeah, but I look totally awesome!

Spoken like a man who hasn't yet been denied sex long enough to miss it.

I give him a week before he's willing to shave not only his mustache, but anything else she asks him to...

Categories: DaveLife 2007Click To It: Permalink


  1. whit says:

    I’m digging the Flash shirt though.

  2. Suzy says:

    I do love Bad Robert but seriously, the mustache thing has been over for 30 years. The 70’s.

    Super Deluxe Girlfriend is not only smart but painfully aware of the past.

  3. I think that Super Deluxe Girlfriend might just be dumber than a box o’rocks! Has she not even considered the “comfort-factor”? *Ahem* I think Bad Robert looks hawt with his ooh-so-soft facial hair. I always like your Bad Robert stories. What a guy!

    I hope you’re feeling better!

  4. kapgar says:

    Did he actually wear a Flash shirt or was that a gift from you to him via Illustrator?

  5. minimimi says:

    I think you should cultivate a porn-star mustache Dave!

  6. *snort!*

    I agree Super Deluxe Girlfriend, he does not look sexy…how can anything that makes you look like you ought to be listening to an 8-track make you look sexy?

  7. Avitable says:

    I’m just disappointed that you fucked up the Flash logo.

  8. Lisa says:

    Maybe she’s the one who should consider shaving. lol

  9. delmer says:

    When you get a moment, please let Super Deluxe Girlfriend know that I’m clean shaven. Just in case the thing with Robert doesn’t work out.

  10. Dave2 says:

    Whit… Robert became a huge fan of The Flash after watching the smart-ass version of the character on the Justice League cartoon show. I think he probably loves that shirt more than his mustache.

    Suzy… Super Deluxe Girlfriend is one of the coolest women I’ve ever met. For the longest time, I could never understand how somebody who is so totally together could be with Bad Robert… but this situation has provided an interesting clue!

    Geeky Tai-Tai… The mustache may look cute on a cartoon character, but it’s not quite so impressive in real life… 🙂

    Kapgar… Oh it’s real alright. He loves that shirt, and wears it often. To my knowledge, Robert has never been a fan of comic books, but he loves the Justice League cartoon Flash with an unnatural passion.

    Minimimi… Not even I am that curious! 🙂

    Librarian… Robert probably has an 8-track to listen to his BTO (Bachman Turner Overdrive?) collection!

    Avitable… As a cartoon interpretation drawn from memory, I didn’t think it was that bad…

    Lisa… She may very well shave it off while he is sleeping… who knows? That IS what you meant, isn’t it? 🙂

    Delmer… The dilemma here is that she is the type of dream-woman I would totally date… except I don’t think the Guy Code allows you to date a friend’s ex?

  11. kilax says:

    That mustache would be even hotter with a beard 🙂

  12. Walt Lansberry says:


    I don’t know what to think. The porn star stache has gotten a bad wrap for years now. But is it because it’s linked to dirty nasty in your face porn or because ladies seem to be going for metro sexual hairless pansy guys? I’m cheering for Robert’s stache, women have had a hold on men for too long. It can’t be all bad! The term mustache rides had to start some place.


  13. Jeff says:

    That Flash tee might be cool but not nearly as cool as the deluxe Geek shirt I received in the mail yesterday. Thanks Dave!!!

  14. Silvertongue says:

    I got my shirt yesterday and I am in love! I will be a little geeky all around town. Thanks, Dave!

    Sorry to hear about your back…feel better!

  15. Avitable says:

    Good point – I was thinking the more modern Wally West Flash, which doesn’t have as many forks in it, I think.

  16. Dan says:

    Hmmm… could she really be that hot?

  17. sizzle says:

    i’d have to go with no on that mustache. let’s see if he can even last a week! 😉

  18. Bre says:

    And a week is pretty generous at that!

  19. Bec says:

    I agree with Kilax – a beard with moustache is fine but just the ‘tache on it’s own… it should only be worn as a really good part of fancy dress!

  20. Wayne says:

    He looks a little “Mario Bros.” if you ask me. Are you sure it isn’t Bad Luigi?

  21. Lela says:

    I got my T-shirts in the mail today — I can’t decide which one to wear first. They look and feel great! Thanks!!

  22. timothy says:

    I’m not a facial hair fan myself.

  23. Baak says:

    Did you say “a friend’s ex“?

    And where’s the picture of Super Deluxe Girlfriend? 😉

    P.S. Won’t get to our mailbox until tomorrow, but am dying to now! Hopefully all those buttons didn’t contribute to you losing balance on the stairs… 🙁

  24. Firda says:

    Hey, Troy has the same t-shirt! And I wouldn’t let him grow a moustache. Moustaches are so 1920s.

  25. Tracie says:

    “But is it because it’s linked to dirty nasty in your face porn or because ladies seem to be going for metro sexual hairless pansy guys?”

    Not this chick. And I don’t think ladies for for hairless pansy guys. Most of the ‘sexiest men’ have at least some facial hair.

  26. Lewis says:

    And I always thought I was your crazy friend…..the most whacked out of them all. At that hour of the day? I’d have tied him up and shaved him…..personally. And then left him tied up.

  27. Jill says:

    Wahoo – I got my shirts and buttons today! They are even nicer than you said they would be. I can understand why you don’t like packing up the orders – all the extra stuff you did to make it nice for us… the nice bags, the how-to-care-for cards and my favorite – the official Blogography Seal of Approval on the box 🙂 Thanks for all the work you put into it all. My problem now is deciding which shirt to wear when I go Geocaching tonight!

  28. Dave2 says:

    Thanks for noticing. 🙂

    I don’t sell shirts and stuff for the money… I do it because my readers enjoy having them. With that in mind, I try really hard to make sure that everybody is happy with their purchase, and let them know that they can get an exchange if the size isn’t right or email me if something isn’t as they expected. But I don’t want it to be all stuffy and boring, so I try to find ways to make it fun and add to a good shopping experience (rather than detract from it).

  29. Jill says:

    Mission accomplished! 😀

  30. I didn’t kiss my husband for six months while he had a mustache. I told him before he grew it that I wouldn’t. He complained to anyone who would listen but finally shaved.

    Men. Can’t live with them, can’t shoot them.

  31. diane says:

    Oh man. I have no words, I am just giggling my ass off.

  32. Catherine says:

    RE “…because ladies seem to be going for metro sexual hairless pansy guys?”

    Just for the record, hard, written-in-stone record, I am NOT, I repeat NOT one of those women. Ooooo, so tired of guys assuming I might be one of those fucking women!!1!

    That said, I do not like porn star staches or any overstylized hair on dudes. Just kinda groomed so it’s relatively neat, but not TOO neat. Regular old straight guy stuff. AND UNLESS YOU ARE AN OLYMPIC SWIMMER, LEAVE YOUR CHEST/TUMMY HAIR ALONE. *smiles sweetly*, Thank you.

  33. Robert probably has an 8-track to listen to his BTO (Bachman Turner Overdrive?) collection!

    Good God. Please tell me he’s not playing THAT when they’re having sex, otherwise I humbly suggest that it’s not just that mustache she’s protesting.

    Talk about “instant birth control.”

  34. Aww…sorry to hear of your back. But I LOVE the porno-mustached character. LOL Not that I like mustaches in real life. They’re entirely too scratchy and collect up bits of crumbs.

    I got my buttons and teeshirts, too. SQUEE! LOVE them! Thanks bunches and loads. Doug is all jealous now cuz I bought the ladies version and he can’t wear them. heh

  35. Dave2 says:

    Kilax… Robert actually had a beard when I first met him. I don’t know why he got rid of it. Never occurred to me to ask.

    Walt… I don’t think that Super Deluxe Girlfriend has a problem with mustaches, per se, she just doesn’t think that Robert wears it well. 🙂

    Jeff… You sir, are very welcome!

    Avitable… I’m not sure about the current logo. I know for a time Wally was wearing an outfit made of “Speed Force” and can’t remember how many forks that had. I used to absolutely love The Flash back in the 80’s but kind of lost interest after Crisis. Everybody tells me how amazing the Waid-era was (and will be?) so I’ll have to start reading through the trades.

    Dan… Yes. very yes. 🙂

    Sizzle… I dunno. Robert might last two months… or he might change his mind tomorrow. There is literally no figuring the guy out, which is what makes him such a cool friend to have!

    Bre… Well, -ahem- some people go a lot longer than a week and manage to survive! 🙂

    Bec… Robert in a dress… now THAT’S a mental image I could have done without! 😀

    Wayne… Well, part of that is because my DaveToons are a little squatty, because in “real life” Robert doesn’t look much like Mario at all. Luigi maybe… 🙂

    Lela… Thanks! Enjoy!

    Timothy… Give it a try… you might change your mind! I never, ever thought I would end up there. Then a karaoke accident in Sweden got me to change my mind!

    Baak… Well, in order for me to date Super Deluxe Girlfriend, she would HAVE to be an ex! How could I date her at the same time as Robert? Neither one of us likes to share! 🙂

    Firda… I think Troy would look fantastic with a 70’s porn star mustache! Hah!!

    Tracie… I dunno… I see all this “manscaping” going on, and am kind of scared as to how far it’s going…

    Lewis… You’re still my crazy friend… but Robert is certifiable!

    Claudia… Yeah… men are smelly and icky! I’m glad I don’t have to date one! 🙂

    Diane… Super Deluxe Girlfriend will be happy to know that somebody finds it funny! 😀

    Catherine… So I should re-think getting a feather cut? 🙂

    Librarian… I don’t even want to know! 😀

    KG… I really do need to consider giving Lil’ Dave a porn stache…

  36. ichi says:

    I hope you’re putting this entry in your “best of…”
    This is one of the entries I laughed at the most, to be honest.

  37. plink says:

    Woo hoo! I got my t-shirt in the mail today and it’s already my new favorite shirt! (And I hope geeky Dave brought me some luck during my test tonight). Thanks, Dave!

  38. Lisa says:

    Um, not the shaving I meant Dave. Super Deluxe Girlfriend shaving it off for him wouldn’t be any fun. But Super Deluxe Girlfriend “shaving” could provide much fun for both of them. Got me?

  39. Laurence says:

    I give him 2 days !!! 😀

    P.S. I am a big fan of your drawings ! 🙂

  40. victor says:

    If she shaves it he’ll be a whipped bitch.

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