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Crapola

Posted on Tuesday, July 17th, 2007

Dave!FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDGE!

I am trying my best to think of something that hasn't gone wrong today. Turns out there isn't anything. Despite my hopes, I didn't sleep AT ALL last night, and it's all been downhill from there. To list everything that's gone wrong would depress even me, so I've decided to just list the top five...

• In my sleep-deprived state, I grabbed a bowl for my Captain Crunch cereal and knocked a coffee mug off the counter where it landed on the top of my foot. I now have a big welt there and can't tie my shoe. This wouldn't be a big deal, except my shoe keeps falling off, causing me to fall down and embarrass myself a lot. It's like being drunk... but without the benefit of being totally wasted.

• I am sitting here with a sticky-wet lap because the bottle of Coke I had on my break decided to overflow all over me for some reason when I opened it. It came straight from the refrigerator, so I have no idea what made it explode. I must have angered the Coke gods or something.

• Artificial Duck Co. store orders are starting to be returned to me with an "insufficient address" notice. Yet when I look in tracking, the address is complete (heck, they won't let you ship anything WITHOUT a complete address!). Apparently the postal service's Click-N-Ship is, in fact, Click-N-SHIT... because it generates bad labels. The glitch appears to be random, because when I track packages before and after the faulty label, they've been delivered. So, if you've been waiting for a T-shirt order and haven't gotten it... that would be why. I am re-shipping them immediately after I get the return, and will generate a new tracking email so customers will know what happened...

Returned Parcel

The even worse part of the deal is that I can't simply re-print their incorrect labels... I have to buy a NEW label, then request a refund for the original label. I'm not holding my breath that I'll be getting my money back. I'm sure they'll somehow make this my fault.

• A critical Fed-Ex package I am waiting for is lost. The only thing that tracking shows is a departure scan, then nothing. Nobody has any idea what's going on. It's as if the thing just evaporated in mid-air. In the meanwhile, I'm screwed. There's no way to meet deadline on my current project now, and I have no idea what's going to happen.

• Due to some stupid crap I didn't understand, the cost to change my airline tickets to my new itinerary was outrageously expensive, so I ended up keeping my old ticket and just adding a second ticket. So now I fly to where I am no longer working, then fly to where the new work is, then fly back to where I need to be so I can fly back to where I don't need to be so I can fly home. The airline industry has got the biggest scam going with their complicated, incomprehensible fare calculations. Why can't everybody just abandon this antiquated way of doing business and switch to more simplified and easily understood fare rules like Alaska Air? With Alaska, every segment is selected with full knowledge of EXACTLY what's going to happen if you need to make changes to it. And, since every segment has separate rules, you don't f#@% up the rest of your fare when you only need to add or change a single piece. I love this because it's a straight-forward way of doing business, and doesn't screw customers when their travel needs change. I mean, seriously, LOOK AT HOW SIMPLE IT IS...

Alaskaairfare

When I fly Alaska, I simply choose "value" fares for segments I am sure about... then pay a little more for "full flex" on segments I'm not. Simple. It frustrates me that other airlines can't be this honest when you shop for fares, and makes me wish Alaska had more routes. Because, seriously, how logical is it that it's $1200 cheaper to buy an additional new ticket than adjust an old one?

• And here's the worst part of my entire day so far... it's only half over! Now that my lunch break is done, I've got an entire afternoon of even more horrendous crap to look forward to!

Bleh.

I want to go home now, climb into bed, and start the day all over again.

Or drink a fifth of Jack Daniels.

One of those two things.


Categories: DaveLife 2007, Travel 2007Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. Stephanie P says:

    Perhaps you should just climb into bed WITH Jack Daniels.

  2. RW says:

    See? Alaska Air, Cap’n Crunch, Jack Daniels. We favor so much of the same things you must be my long lost brother! Either that or we should get married! No… brother. Brother!

  3. ssp says:

    I heard people say that it’s highly unlikely that two people on a plane paid the same price for their ticket (with the mainstream airlines). But it probably all makes ‘business sense’.

  4. Bre says:

    Or both of those things… I suggest a nap and then some Jack.

  5. Jeff says:

    Your Alaska air table looks really cool – except I can’t read it with my old-ass eyes.

    I know, I could enlarge my screen resolution, but then that will reorganize my desktop, which I understand because the icons get bigger and can crowd the real estate, but why can’t they make it smart enough to remember the desktop layout per screen resolution?

  6. Laurel says:

    Jack Daniels on your Cap’n Crunch? Cap’n Crunch with a JD chaser? Both while in bed, of course. And if you started the day over, you have a pretty good shot that it could be worse than what you’ve already gone through…

  7. karla says:

    Dave, sounds like you are in a low spot. Sorry things are in the crapper. Sometime soon you will climb out of Life’s Toilet and all will be better.

    I’m rootin’ for ya.
    k

  8. Avitable says:

    Maybe you shouldn’t have posted that picture of you as Jesus, hm?

    I’ve never gotten my shirts, nor any email confirmation, but I’m a patient man.

  9. Jill says:

    Welcome to my world.

    Actually, it sounds like you’re having
    a good day compared to my normal day.
    ~sigh~

  10. Lewis says:

    Please, you’re complaining about having a sticky wet lap? some people have to pay for that. Wishing you better days ahead. And, it sounds like your title should be Shittola.

  11. Wayne says:

    I bet you have some serious Mercury transits going on in your astrological chart.

  12. ms. sizzle says:

    that is a mighty shitstorm my friend. grab that bottle and get in bed as soon as you can!

    (i agree with you about the airlines-wtf with the price scams!? ugh!)

  13. whit says:

    That stinks. Can’t you drink where you are? A little JD in the coke perhaps? It may even appease the Coke God.

  14. Laurence says:

    You should go to bed with someone… No ? :-D

  15. Anthony says:

    I found a cool travel web site you may be able to make use of. I can’t remember the address although I have it open in work so I’ll mail you when I get in tomorrow. Hope the rest of your day is better anyway.

  16. ~jtm says:

    Ugh… I hate days like that. Seems like when one thing goes off kilter in the morning, so goes the rest of the day.
    Here’s hoping things look up soon!

  17. Hilly says:

    Okay so you’re wet and sticky PLUS people keep fucking with you. Sounds like the perfect time to go home, get all cozy in the bathtub with a bottle of booze, and just ignore everyone.

    Or what Laurence said too ;).

  18. Anonymous says:

    Dave yoga can really aid sleeping.
    Diet can be a factor too. Eating late at night, too much sugar that kind of thing.
    Here’s a couple things to try too for insomnia from a book called 60 second shiatzu – that’s a type of theraputic massage)
    -In a sitting position place the index and middle fingers of each hand on the crown of your head. Spread the fingers slightly. using all your fingers apply pressure or massage for a count of fifteen, release, allow your head to come foward onto your chest take a breath and repeat fromt he beginning, continue for sixty seconds.
    -Place your thumbs or index finger near the center of your eye brows (not the center between your eyebrows, rather center of each brow on the hair), feel around until you locate a small depression, apply a circular slightly pressured massage to these spots for a slow count of ten. Relax and repeat five more times. Be sure to close your eyes during this movement and breath deeply.
    Aconite is a Homoepathic remedy you could try too (What are its Key uses? Acute infections with sudden onset, such as fevers, colds, coughs, eye inflammation, throat or nose symptoms.
    The remedy is also given for fear or panic attacks and restlessness )
    Hmm what else, there’s lots of things really.. mostly the mind of course. Can get like a disk spinning too fast trying to figure out things that it can’t. Hope that helps somewhat. take care.

  19. Brandi says:

    I say drink the 5th, and maybe a few Long Islands then go to sleep. Possibly through tomorrow!

    I almost feel bad for those who ship things, considering the whole email thing has pretty much wiped them out of existance. Then they do something like this… and I remember why email was invented in the first place. (you know, that and the whole instant communication thing)

  20. Chag says:

    I sincerely hope the second half of your day has been an improvement!

  21. IRV says:

    I’ve stopped flying as a result of all the shit the airlines put us thru! I certainly DON’T FEEL ANY SAFER than before, & hate the bullshit they keep shoving down our throats as a result of so-called security. Now add the bullshit your’re dealing with & it makes me too crazy to even consider a trip now or in the near future. Good thing I travelled a great deal in my younger days & got it out of my system. I don’t really feel like I’m missing much in relation to the shit we now have to put up with for the priviledge of spending $$ on such inferior service. It always stresses me out too much to enjoy the trip these days.

  22. Kyra says:

    I’m sorry your day has stunk. By the way, being a Mac… person ;) like you are, have you seen this?

  23. Roberta says:

    It seems to me that it is the gods of caffeinated beverages that you have angered.

    OR they are actually conspiring so that you will have an epiphany and know, really KNOW that it is time to give up said caffeinated beverages and then you will be able to once again sleep.

    (I didn’t listen either. I went through a thing last summer where I had three coffee incidents in a row, each progressively more serious…the glass carafe broke in my hand, practically spontaneously. And no way was I giving it up.)

  24. bogup says:

    I just know that the pic of the returned package is with my two Bad Monkey classic t-shirts. Darn that USPS anyway. I probably should have included “USA” on my address. :-(

  25. Robin says:

    Hope your day got better!

    It’s after midnight here, so obvioiusly I don’t have any tips for getting a good night’s sleep. ;)

  26. Amanda says:

    You should have just gone for it. If you were already looking drunk, maybe no one would notice

  27. ChillyWilly says:

    Since you can’t logically start a day over, looks like it’s best to spend some time with Jack.

  28. Catherine says:

    I wonder about Wayne’s Mercury action idea; not only has my week so far been filled with weird, surprisingly harsh slings and arrows, but so has Joy’s (my friend who occasionally comments here). There must be something going around.

  29. NetChick says:

    Aw, now that’s just shit. Did you happen to call the airline directly to see if they could help? Probably not, but sometimes I find they’re helpful in person. (ha)

    Sorry you are having a bad day. I’ve got a toothache.

  30. Lisa says:

    Sounds like the beginning of my week. Today should be better. They rarely happen two days in a row.

  31. HoosierGirl5 says:

    Sorry you had a bad day.
    Hope it gets better.

    J.

  32. Brandon says:

    The us postal service just might be one of satan’s ideas in my opinion. With all the technology available today they seem to make quick work of finding ways to suck at using it.

    I wish you luck with your postal dealings… I gotta get me one of those geek shirts.

  33. ajooja says:

    I felt so sorry for you yesterday, I didn’t even comment. I hope you got some sleep.

    I got several positive comments on my cool, new, yellow Dave shirt yesterday. Thanks.

  34. Ha ha thanks for a very funny post… and you are so right about annoying airlines… ah well, this time next year it’ll be a private jet, eh?

  35. Dan says:

    Aw Dave. Cheer up! You have a friend with the hottest babe on the planet as a girlfriend. Oh wait. Never mind.

  36. I got mine yesterday!!!

    I’m wearing my “a little geeky” right now.

    Very professional with the tags and everything! High quality everything.

    Although the box which was marked “Virginia Fresh Fruit” (or something equally confusing) really threw me off for a minute….

  37. tori says:

    You know what would make you feel better? If I baked you some cookies. If you want me to send you some for real, send me your address and your favorite kind. I am serious. No one deserves to have an entirely crappy day as you are having! Let me know!

  38. Dropping in to say hello and introduce myself. Hello! :)

    Here by way of NYC Watchdog.

  39. Dave2 says:

    Stephanie… Well, with his alcohol, anyway…

    RW… But do you like eating Captain Crunch with Jack Daniels on top while flying Alaska Air? Because that would make us practically twins!

    SSP… I sincerely doubt most people pay the same thing for their ticket… I’m just questioning the byzantine maze of fare rules that makes changes to an itinerary cost 4 times what the original ticket did!

    Bre… Or some Jack so I can take a nap? With enough Jack, sleeping would be inevitable.

    Jeff… Well, I shrunk that screen capture down to fit on my blog. You’ll have to visit AlaskaAir.com to see it for reals.

    Laurel… Yeah, but I’m optimistic that way. :-)

    Karla… I dunno… life’s toilet is pretty big!

    Avitable… Patience is a virtue. Well, probably not… but if it keeps me from getting the crap beat out of me, I’m all for it!

    Jill… That does not speak well on your day…

    Lewis… I HAVE paid for that. But it was a lot more entertaining than what my day was like.

    Wayne… Nah, my mercury is still in the thermometer.

    Ms. Sizzle… Sleeping pills will do the trick!

    Whit… I don’t tend to be very productive at work when I’m drunk. Though practice makes perfect, so perhaps I should become an alcoholic.

    Laurence… Yeah, but Jack Daniels and I are just friends.

    Anthony… I worry that buying tickets from anybody but the carrier might make things even MORE complicated when I need to make changes. Sad, really.

    JTM… That seems to be true. It’s like a universal law or something. :-(

    Hilly… Bath? Then I’d be all pruney AND drunk!

    Anonymous… That sounds like a lot of work! I get tired just thinking about it. Hey!…

    Brandi… I haven’t had a Long Island in years! Good times. Good times.

    Chag… It wasn’t much of an improvement… untilI took a fist-full of sleeping pills!

    IRV… On the bright side, flying is still safer than driving!

    Kyra… Yeah… that seems to make the rounds every couple of months. Still funny though!

    Roberta… But caffeine is what keeps me awake during the day when I am falling asleep from not sleeping!

    Bogup… It has nothing to do with the address… it’s just a random quirk with the Click-N-Ship software. Strange. Oh well, I know to look for it now. :-(

    Robin… Apparently, the answer is to drink a fifth of Jack Daniels.

    Amanda… I ALWAYS look drunk!

    ChillyWilly… Or him with me. Hah! :-)

    Catherine… We’re in a karma slingshot!

    NetChick… Oh yes… I always call the airline direct and buy my tickets direct. Bleh. Such a bummer.

    Lisa…If it does happen, then I’m definitely staying in bed!

    HoosierGirl… Thanks! If not, I’ve got that Jack Daniels!

    Brandon… What gets me is that when the service works, shipping through the USPS is actually pretty slick. But when it fails, it fails miserably.

    Ajooja… BAD MONKEY RULES!!

    Secret… I’m glad my suffering is fun for someone! :-)

    Dan… Yeah, THAT really helps!

    Gary… I recycle boxes where I can.

    Tori… Oddly enough, my grandma made me some chocolate chip cookies today, and it was much better… so you might be right!

    BlondeBlogger… Hello!

  40. Les Claypool says:

    You certainly seem to have alot of tension built up with the world, doncha? not trying to be anoying, but is there anything that makes you happy? mebbe its just depressio seatle.

  41. Dave2 says:

    Yes, this one day defines my entire life, and nothing ever makes me happy.

    Including the fact that I don’t live in Seattle.

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