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Brooks

Posted on Friday, July 13th, 2007

Dave!During the height of Garth Brook's popularity throughout the 1990's, I was nearly suicidal. I 100% loathed his "music" and, since it was absolutely everywhere all the time, there was no escape from it. When he dropped off the face of the earth in 2002, nobody was more thrilled than I. To this day, one of my greatest fears is that Garth Brooks will come out of retirement and stage a massive comeback, dooming me to once again be inundated with his crap.

In the meanwhile, I continue to be haunted...

Dave Brooks

After a week of 100° heat and clear skies, the valley was unexpectedly overcast this morning. Then, around 10:30, booming thunder filled the skies and we were in the middle of a downpour. As I was working away at my desk, two women walked by my window screaming the lyrics to The Thunder Rolls by Garth Brooks. And, while I did take some small satisfaction in that they were getting drenched by the rain, this horrifying ordeal has me wanting to drink copious amounts of alcohol until I pass out.

Alas, I can't get drunk because I have too much work to do and, unfortunately, it's all rather complex and cannot be tended to while wasted.

Or can it?

I am pretty amazing at my job... perhaps I can do it while drunk?

I dunno. I suppose it depends on whether or not every Garth Brooks fan on the planet decides to send me fun hatemail and leave insightful comments like "GARTH BROOKS IS THE BESTEST SINGER EVER, SO GO F#@% YOURSELF, A$$HOLE!!" just because I dare use my blog to state my opinion on musical talent (or lack thereof).

Hey. The rain has stopped. Must be time to listen to some Chris Gaines!

Bwah ha ha haaaa!


Categories: Music 2007Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. Bec says:

    Garth Brooks – ugh…
    And people screaming out lyrics to anything under my window when working tend to get the ‘look’ and the muttered curse of silence…
    Yep, it’s in those moments I think I am a very powerful witch… I need a drink… Join me!

  2. Hilly says:

    How about a comment saying, “You bastard! Now you have that song stuck in my head….argh!”

    Is something like that acceptable?

  3. Karl says:

    Ugh, freaking HATE Garth Brooks.

    And country music in general, but especially him.

  4. Jeff says:

    Ha – I forgot about those goofy two-sided shirts! Nice touch.

  5. ichi says:

    I liked his “dancing.”
    That, sir, made me snort, and I mean literally snort.

    You could do it while drunk.
    Just get buzzed.
    You’d be happy and then still be in right state of mind.

    And don’t give the Hate Mailers credit.
    They wouldn’t use a comma after “yourself.”

  6. whit says:

    My friend used to say Garth Brooks sounded like a hurt goat. I’m not sure what that means, but I’m pretty sure it’s bad.

  7. kilax says:

    Funny you mention this – I just threatened a coworker with death because he was playing some cheesy country music ;)

  8. claire says:

    Couldn’t care less about Garth Brooks, but I do like Cowboy Dave. He needs some chaps, a horse, and an adventure: I’d read that! :)

  9. minimimi says:

    More cowboy Dave! More cowboy Dave! More cowboy Dave!

    I have heard of this fabled ‘Garth Brooks’ but have never been so unfortunate as to come across his evil strains…I totally trust your judgement, but i’m going to look him up on iTunes to see just how bad he is… possibly Keith Urban is the Australian equivalent.

    PS. If you do decide to partake of some old fashioned medicine, may I reccomend my own invention the Red Twister- red bull and limoncello… it’s a kicker!

    More cowboy Dave! More cowboy Dave! More cowboy Dave!

  10. Walt says:

    Dave:

    I’ve been on cloud 9 since I got home this afternoon. I got my shirts and buttons!! The shirts are the best. The quality is far better than I had expected. You really went above and beyond with these things. Even the little care pamphlet is top notch work. I spent at least ten minutes admiring its layout and print quality. I was a little short on the buttons as I expect them to be larger but then realize big buttons are really annoying. These buttons are nice and subtle, tactful even. They’re not the ordinary big buttons you see on redneck’s ball caps or grandma’s sweater. You really did an awesome job! I’m blown away by the added work that went into this stuff. I hate to take the ducky tags off of the shirts. I wish now that I could have gotten you to sign them, to me they are nothing less than works of art! It’s an honor to own such pieces, I may frame them.

    Walt

    P.S. Totally agree with you on Garth. Must admit though, I found him really funny when he hosted SNL. But that was when the show had a funny cast and not the ass pipes they have now.

  11. Gawd, I got a laugh out of this. And the shirt. The shirt!

    Plus . . . I put “Millions” on my Netflix queue even though I’ve never heard of it. I’ll report back when I get it. Thanks for the recommendation!

  12. Bre says:

    I myself adore some Garth, but Garth fans and those ugly shirts he wears irritate me. Also when he tries to make noise that isn’t singing.

  13. Phil says:

    I too despise the Garth man. And I’m happy as hell that he has disappeared from the planet.

  14. Kirsten says:

    Unfortunately, I joined the unlucky ranks today and had just flipped on the TV when a Garth Brooks video came on (why oh why was it left on a country music channel?!?!). Memroies came flying into my head of a girl I hungout with in public school (in the 90’s) who was obsessed with Garth Brooks. Sad sad sad.

    My point is… I feel your pain.

  15. I don’t have much feeling for or against Garth. But Claire mentioned chaps, which brings a story to mind.

    Every year I throw a Christmas party and at the party I have Christmas MadLibs. The first year two people – completely independently of each other – supplied “ass-less chaps” as an article of clothing…which meant the poor guy from “The Night Before Christmas” was probably a little chilly when he went down to see Santa. But it made all of us laugh and it got us all to thinking: are there assed chaps? Or are all chaps, by their nature, ass-less. (And no, we had not been drinking, at least not at that point of the evening.)

    Regardless, please do draw us Lil Dave in chaps (ass-less or otherwise).

  16. Holmes says:

    I share the same opinion of Garth Brooks and I live in Texas, so his shit was absolutely everywhere. Bad country music is not so much a problem in Austin, but anytime I’m in Houston, egad. Like another goddamn planet that, somehow, I’m from.

  17. Wayne says:

    I will once again become the shining beacon of dissent on your blog. I’m no country music fan, but I do respect talent in most artists. I can listen to some Garth Brooks music because his voice is tehcnically refined and quite capable — his vocal range alone puts him, in my mind, in the ranks of Whitney Houston in pure technical ability (although I definitely don’t like listening to Houston). His voice itself is actually pleasing, he seems genuinely to be a nice guy, and he appeals to the masses without being blatantly offensive, stupid or a jackass.

    So I like him.

    Too bad he didn’t do a country version of the “Read a BOOK, READ A BOOK, READ A *!*!@!@#!@# BOOK!” video, though. That would be hilarious.

    (note: it should be said that although I do not work for Brooks, I have written a song sung to the tune of “Rodeo” called “Bloated Troll” and gained a measure of notoriety for it. Perhaps I’m attributing that success to Brooks and not disassociating myself from it :)

  18. bogup says:

    Count me in on the ANTI-Garth Brooks bandwagon.
    Don’t like him or his music.
    He’s “all hat no cattle.”

  19. Kyra says:

    Hmmmm, and see I think it matters whether or not you end back up in the red thong, rather than if you can get the work done. Call me jaded… ;)

    I don’t like country music as a general rule, and I figure the belt buckles are just “compensation exhibitions”, which explains SOOOOO much. The hats too, actually.

  20. serap says:

    I want to go line dancing with Cowboy Dave!!

  21. NetChick says:

    LOL!!!! :D

    Hey, if I can post half-coherent blog entries, drunk, I’m sure you can work that way.

    Okay, maybe it’s my intoxicated state that feels that way. You be the judge :)

  22. HoosierGirl5 says:

    Hey there…
    I came to you via KentuckyGirl. Great site. I can’t wait to order an t-shirt and some pins. My teenager daughter will love your pins for her collection.

    As for Garth, I don’t like him either. I feel the same way about George Strait’s song “Just Give It Away”. I will mow down old ladies and babies to change the station when THAT song comes on. Ugh.

    J.

  23. Tracie says:

    Aw, Garth isn’t THAT bad. Although I don’t know what the hell was up with the Chris Gaines thing. That was just… freaky.

  24. Avitable says:

    I’ve always found his comedy to be insightful. “Looking for Comedy in the Muslim World” was genius, and his voice acting on the Simpsons comprised some of the best episodes ever.

    Oh, GARTH Brooks? I hope he dies in the most painful way possible.

  25. Lewis says:

    Okay, so, he’s handsome and all….and a pretty good musician….but, hey, let’s talk about the current handsome ones…..Keith Urban and Kenny Chesney. Now we’re talking.

  26. Patty says:

    Not a country music fan here either except for a stray son I hear once in a while.
    Hope your back is feeling better soon, I know how that sucks.

  27. Jacki says:

    Will you be drinking two pina coladas – one for each ache?
    And I think the Chris Gaines comment gives away your hidden love of all things Garth.

  28. kapgar says:

    I dunno why, but I suddenly have a taste for two pina coladas. Hmmm…

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