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Posted on Monday, June 11th, 2007

Dave!I don't know why, but tourists tend to stand out more in Seattle than they do in other cities.

It's not that the tourists are any more or less annoying here, they just seem to be badly out of place somehow. And I'm not talking about the superficial things like walking around with cameras, maps, and guide books and stuff, it's just something in the way they move and react that doesn't feel right. Could just be me, but when I bring it up with other people... even friends who are here being tourists themselves... they get what I am talking about.

Though, just like everywhere else on the planet, you do run into the occasional stupid tourist. People who show up with no clue as to where they are or what they are doing. A classic example could be had as I was standing in line at hotel registration this morning. Two dumbass bitches cut in front of me (with one of them screaming "I JUST NEED TO ASK A QUICK QUESTION!!") and yelled at the front desk guy "IS THERE A STARBUCKS NEARBY? WE WANT COFFEE!!"

To his credit, the guy was really professional and told them that there were shops on either side of the hotel. This was really nice of him, because my reply would have been something more like "BITCH, YOU ARE IN F#@%ING DOWNTOWN SEATTLE! THERE ARE ABOUT TWENTY STARBUCKS WITHIN A FIVE-MINUTE WALK OF THIS HOTEL! JUST TRIP YOUR STUPID ASS OUT THE DOOR AND OPEN YOUR F#@%ING EYES!* Which is actually kind of an understatement. Asking where to find a Starbucks in downtown Seattle is like walking into a strip club and asking where the titties are, because they're all around you...

Seattle Starbucks Map
Map taken from the totally cool FindByClick site.

On the bright side, I sure do have a nice view from my hotel room. Since I will be sitting here all day working, that's pretty sweet. The monorail track is right below my window, so I get to watch the trains go back and forth...

Hotel Seattle View

In other news, my personal hero Steve Jobs delivered the keynote address to a crowd of Mac developer whores at Apple's Worldwide Developer's Conference today (you can watch a video of it here). There wasn't really any revolutionary news coming out of San Francisco this morning, just more pretty demos of the next MacOS (code-named Leopard). Overall, I remain impressed, and can't wait until October to get my copy.

But one piece of Leopard is available today... the beta of Apple's Safari web browser. It's pretty cool, adding long-desired features like movable tabs, resizable text entry boxes, and inline search...

Safari Inline Search

Apple has also released a version of Safari for Windows which may turn out to be a really smart move. If a nice chunk of Windows sufferers start using Safari, perhaps web developers will work harder to make their stuff more compatible with my browser of choice. I question as to whether this can actually happen, but I guess it's worth a try.

Anyway, I have a Johnny Rockets' Streamliner Burger with no grilled onions (add cheese) calling my name for dinner, and then I need to rush right back so I can try to get some sleep before a very busy day of work tomorrow.

Gee... does anybody know if there is a McDonalds in Seattle for breakfast in the morning?

* Please excuse the harsh language... I've been watching HBO's "revolutionary" and "ground-breaking" new show John from Cincinnati. I find the show's story of a child-like stranger who changes people's lives to be boring, predictable, and a total rip-off of the film/show Starman. The only thing "revolutionary" and "groundbreaking" is that the characters say "f#@%" about ten times in every sentence. Which, I suppose, is to be expected from the producers of HBO's previous overly-profanity-laden series Deadwood. Bleh.

Categories: Apple Stuff 2007, Travel 2007Click To It: Permalink


  1. Tracy Lynn says:

    Dude, I’m still trying to recover from the fact that there are no Dunkin Donuts here. I know it seems silly to bitch about DD in the Land Of Coffee Aficionados, but one gets accustomed, you know?

    The Pretty Girl Coffee Huts are an interesting phenomena, however.

    And you don’t know stupid until you’ve seen someone stare blankly at a whole cooked lobster, and then plaintively ask you how it ‘opens’.

  2. Iron Fist says:

    I can’t stand tourists. I want to work out a scheme where I can still pump tourist dollars into the economy by getting them to send me money directly to do their vacationing for them around my home town. I’ll stay in nice local hotels and eat at fancy restaurants and go to the zoo every day and send them pictures to let them know how much fun they’re having, and I’ll remind them that they’re doing the right thing for the planet by not burning gas to get here.

    (And I know you’re the hardest working blogger alive, but man, do you think you could spare a day trip down this way on Wednesday?)

  3. I detest tourists in San Francisco. We haven’t got a lot of giant buildings like some cities due. Yet they seem to always walk around with their head pointed straight upward. I do not understand this.

    I downloaded and installed the Safari browser but I can’t get it to work. I’m all like, WTF is this? Not a good first experience. I’m going to uninstall and retry it. Doug has even said that his hatred for Vista may mean that my next laptop will be a Mac. Yikes.

  4. nicotomo says:

    i downloaded the beta but then my computer started acting all funny and now safari is acting weird. even though i uninstalled the beta and everything.

  5. kazza says:

    hahahaha how thick can you get? The only way not to see a Starbucks in Seattle is to walk around with your eyes closed.

    hey I have a photo of your hotel room too!


  6. I love this post. You sound just slightly off your rocker, which is perfect. God, I loved your would-be reply.

    Hope things are going ok!

  7. yellojkt says:

    Yeah, I went to the original Starbucks when I vacationed in Seattle, but I preferred all those great drive thru expresso kiosks. Very cool places.

  8. delmer says:

    I am pretty much a clueless tourist (though, polite), but even I had a ‘you gotta be kidding me’ moment when I got to the part about the women having to look for a Starbucks in Seattle.

    I’m not sure I’ve ever had a cup of coffee at a Starbucks. Our Target has one, and I know I’ve had their oatmeal raisin cookie — but I doubt I’ve had coffee there.

  9. kapgar says:

    What’s a streamliner burger? I just went to Johnny Rocket’s for the first time this past weekend and had the #12, I think it’s called. Has your Tillamook cheddar on it. Pretty good stuff.

    That’s all the Starbucks you have in Seattle? Sad. Not nearly enough. 😉

  10. Avitable says:

    My wife gets to go to Hoquiam for the third time in a year shortly for business. She’s enjoyed visiting Seattle before making the drive to the coast. And she loves all of the Starbucks – I think it’s amusing that the original Starbucks mascot showed nudity, didn’t it?

  11. RW says:

    I thought all tourists in Seattle stand out because they’re the ones who aren’t wet.

  12. Jeff says:

    Correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t you have to pay extra in a strip club to have titties all around you?

  13. Wayne Hall says:

    Ok, I see the starbucks locations on the map (they’re the greyish boxes, right?). So what are all those green circles littered about the city? Huge government-provided umbrellas to protect people from all the rain?

  14. bogup says:

    You mean they didn’t ask: “Where’s the Space Needle?”
    There are way way too many Starbucks in Seattle. Aren’t anti-trust laws enforced anymore? I prefer the other locally started coffee co, Tully’s. Their employees are nicer and they know how to make foam for lattes.
    BTW, Avitable: Hoquiam for a business trip? Must be in the moss business.

  15. ms. sizzle says:

    “Asking where to find a Starbucks in downtown Seattle is like walking into a strip club and asking where the titties are, because they’re all around you…”


    I am waving at you from Capital Hill.

  16. Dan says:

    Ah. Wish I were there!

  17. Alexa says:

    Tourist season/cruise season is always slightly crazy in Seattle. I apparently have a giant ASK ME sign on my forehead during tourist season because I’m constantly about the whereabouts of Pike Place Market. . .because 9/10 tourists think its right next to the Space Needle (isn’t everything? No? I have to walk? What?!) Hmm. . .if I use my deductive reasoning skills I can match up Pike St. . .and hit. . .oh my God is that the market? Oh my GWADS its no where near the Space Needle?

    Excuse me where are thos men who throw fish . . .

    grr. . .

    There is a McDonalds on Broad and 5th (along the Monorail track near EMP), another on 400 Pine Street, another near 3rd and Pike.

    Have fun 🙂

  18. Jhianna says:

    Gorgeous view you have there – I’ve only spent one short weekend in Seattle, but it’s on my list of places I want to explore.

    (And I couldn’t walk a block downtown without seeing about a dozen coffee places, stupid tourists!)

  19. Seattle seems so cool. I hope to visit there one day.

  20. Rick says:

    Damn, we’re gonna hafta get this Seattle thing organized. We’re waving at each other from the tops of seven different hills!

  21. Patty says:

    Know what you mean about tourists. Geez, just get out and look for coffee, you’ll find something on every block, if not Starbucks, there is plenty of other great coffee shops!
    Waving to you from down by Tacoma! Hi. Hope you have some fun even though you’re working.

  22. Lewis says:

    You’re at the Westin Towers? Right next to the Monorail (built the year I was born… about old!).

  23. Suzanne says:

    Well, I would wave to you, but there are some stoopid buildings blocking your view of me, so I figured why bother?

    At least you have more reliable internet access, as well as a swell view. But, yeah, most Seattle tourists seem extra-retarded somehow…

  24. Randy says:

    Well, now there’s another “Book for Dumbasses” for you to write…

    “How to be a Tourist in Seattle for Dumbasses”…(subtitled…”so you don’t stick out like a tourist”…)

  25. Stephanie P says:

    Thanks to all of you for making me rethink my trip to Seattle next week. The last thing I need is to be lumped in with a bunch of sightseeing morons!
    Any suggestions?

  26. Dave2 says:

    Awww… come on down! Surely you can’t be any worse than the tourists already here! If anything, it’s a good reason to come… all the morons will make you look good. 🙂

  27. Hilly says:

    I am so glad that I went to Seattle with someone who used to live there so I got my umbrella wielding ass checked before it was wrecked!

  28. Suzy says:

    You want stupid tourist stories? Dude, I live by the Hollywood sign next to posted signs that say No Access to the Hollywood Sign. Ask me how many times people look at them and then turn to me and say “How do you get to the Hollywood Sign?”

    I’m gonna start saying, first you have to fly to Seattle.

  29. Catherine says:

    Yay, pics from my hometown! Yes, so very true about the tourists, we natives have that discussion every now and then, seeing how they compare to tourists we find in other cities. Why is it they compare so oddly? What is it that’s different? It’s a Seattle phenomenon.

  30. kim says:

    Hilly – tell me you didn’t bring an umbrella.
    I don’t think I could live anywhere else now – I actually bitch when I have to go a few blocks to get coffee. Hi from North Seattle!

  31. Brandon says:

    Oh boy, I miss Seattle, tourists and all.

    I wish I had more to say about your post but I was distracted by Avitable’s comment….

    “My wife gets to go to Hoquiam for the third time in a year shortly for business.”

    Having worked and spent a lot of time in Hoquiam, I can say that there are two things wrong with this statement.

    First, “gets” probably should be changed to “has”. This is not a privilege, but more a burden especially if there are multiple trips within a year.

    Second, there are businesses in Hoquiam? Or at least ones that do business with people not located in Grays Harbor? This is all news to me.

  32. Jill says:

    Living pretty close to Niagara Falls, I see my share of tourists every year. Throughout my workday, I often get the chance to talk to people visiting the area, and for the most part, tourists are pretty friendly and fun to talk to.

    My issue with tourists is the way they drive. I understand that they aren’t familiar with the area, which is why they drive waaaaaaaaay to slow. And I wouldn’t have a problem with that – if they drove behind me. However, I think that 98% of the people that visit this area from out-of-town somehow hunt me down when I am on the road and purposely pull in front of me just to drive me nuts :/

  33. Göran says:

    Merde. I want that hotel room!

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