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Posted on Saturday, June 9th, 2007

Dave!It occurs to me, after having spent the last two days scheduling the next three months of my life, that every single day from now through August is completely booked. I sure hope I don't get sick or something... I just don't have time for that kind of nonsense. Even more disappointing, I don't have room in my schedule to play video games.

It was then that I started taking a look at my daily activities to see where my time goes. I figure if I can identify wasted minutes in my routine, I can apply them to something more worthwhile... like unlocking "Bounty Hunter Mode" in Xbox Lego Star Wars 2.

Here is what I came up with to add more time in a day...

  • Wear "Depends" adult diapers to eliminate time spent going to the bathroom (15-20 minutes).
  • Don't shower or clean up in the morning (15 minutes).
  • Don't wash clothes (30 minutes).
  • Stop reading other people's blogs (1-2 hours).
  • Stop writing in my own blog (15-20 minutes).
  • Stop eating (1 hour).
  • Don't sleep anymore (4-5 hours).
  • Stop replying to emails and delete them instead (1-2 hours).
  • Stop watching The Daily Show and The Colbert Report (1 hour).
  • Stop watching everything else on television (2-4 hours).
  • Stop surfing the internet for porn (4 hours).
  • Quit working (11-18 hours).

The beauty of this plan is that even the worst-case scenario frees up 27 hours in my schedule every day... while the best-case scenario gives me a whopping 36 extra hours! Just think of all the fun stuff I could do with 36 free hours in my day! Not only would I have time to completely finish Xbox Star Wars Lego 2, but I'd also finally have time to play Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess on my Wii.

I suppose the alternative to such a drastic change in my lifestyle would be to multi-task. Perhaps I could go to the bathroom, surf for porn, eat, and watch television all at the same time? I'd do all that while taking a shower, but I don't think my MacBook is waterproof.

And now I'm off to Seattle. I think that I will drive double the speed limit so I can cut my travel time in half. I prefer to think of this as "time management" as opposed to "illegal."

I'm sure the police will feel the same way once I explain how I've finally unlocked Lando Calrissian as a playable character in Xbox Star Wars Lego 2, and need to rescue Han from the bounty hunter.

Categories: DaveLife 2007Click To It: Permalink


  1. Avitable says:

    Yeah, you need to play Zelda – I loved it.

    Have you tried Mario Party 8 yet?

  2. Lewis says:

    You know, adding 27 hours to each day could be really cool….and very beneficial. By the end of the year, we’ll have a credit of 1,095 extra hours. We’ll absolutely screw up the entire universe, sun, moon, tides, days, nights….Now, details — where do we get a shitload (no pun intended) of Depends?

  3. franky says:

    I need days like you have! Your shortest day is 26 hours!

    Where did you find those?

    I’d prefer 28 hour ones, but would be happy already if I could extend my actual days with 2 hours.

  4. karla says:

    After reading this post, i am quite sure, now, that my keyboard and wi-fi in the loo idea might fly. Let the bogging begin! All hail the blargers!

  5. claire says:

    I just bought Lego Star Wars II and started playing yesterday. So much fun! (Even for a novice video gamer such as myself.)

    Your previous raves definitely psyched me up for it, so thanks! Seemed the perfect time to indulge since the price finally dropped 🙂

  6. Hilly says:

    I think you should at LEAST put back the food and the porn, sheesh ;).

    Have fun in Seattle!

  7. sandra says:

    I haven’t done my own laundry in several years and can tell you, I don’t miss it. That would be a good one to start with.

  8. bogup says:

    I think you’ve really gone much too far on this list of time saving ideas.
    I mean, come on, not watching the Daily Show or Colbert?!!! Too, too radical.

  9. RW says:

    The term “Whipsawed by time” comes to mind because I just now made it up.

  10. Wayne Hall says:

    Wow – me and the 5yr old spent a good 1.5 hrs this morning playing both LSW and LSW-2. Loved it, always do.

    ok, I just caught up with the wikipedia entry on LSW-2. didn’t know about bounty hunter mode, so now I’ll have to play with it.

    Speaking of Colbert report, Google Desktop has a widget with his Quotes of Truthiness. Check it out! I have it right on top of my Chuck Norris facts widget,

  11. ajooja says:

    May The Force be with you.

  12. Mike says:

    I am soo getting a Wii.

    And depends.

    But mostly a Wii.

  13. Wish I had 27 hours to play with. 24 hours a day is sooo last century.

  14. iddly says:

    Does your blogging time include making Lil’ Dave toons? I’d lose the will to live without the toons.

  15. Mooselet says:

    You could combine things to save time instead of cutting them out altogether – like showering and washing clothes! Or eating while surfing for porn.

  16. Roberta says:

    It all seems pretty realistic except for the Daily Show/Colbert hour. I mean please.

  17. bluepaintred says:

    schedual? Days in advance? Months?

    I schedual by the hour if not one minute to the next!

  18. tori says:

    My son refuses to toilet train, and I have a feeling this is exactly why. If he stops to use the bathroom, he will waste precious time. SO really, my three year old thought of an ingenius idea and is not just a pain in the ass…right?

  19. kapgar says:

    You forgot to include, after your adult diapers, drive to Florida and attempt to kill the man trying to woo away your fellow astronaut.

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