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Bullet Sunday 36

Posted on Sunday, June 24th, 2007

Dave!Hey Hay Hey! It's Bullet Sunday today!

• Photograph. I've been going through all my old photos recently, trying to find a specific shot that I've lost track of. Along the way, I've been running into pictures of me that are pretty disturbing. It would seem that I'm either acting like a dork or drunk (or both) in every single picture in which I appear...

Drunken Dave
1) Wearing my 3-D glasses while waiting in line for a 3-D movie.
2) Trying to flash an "okay" sign while getting drunk in the rain.
3) Drunkenly dealing cards while losing in a game of strip poker.
4) Caught like a drunken deer in the proverbial headlights here.

Seeing all these images has brought me to the disturbing conclusion that I've been a drunken dork most of my life. I admit that this doesn't come as much of a surprise, but I'm going to act shocked anyway.

• Stemmed. So much for the separation of Church and State. So much for representing the people. President Bush has now vetoed for a second time legislation that would authorize federal funding of embryonic stem cell research. Despite the fact that the majority of Americans support it. Despite the fact that no science or rational thought can apply the status of "human life" to an embryo. Despite the fact that actual human lives hang in the balance. Despite the fact that the embryos in question will be discarded anyway. It's all typical political pandering bullshit insanity. I'd have thought that the President's forcible application of his personal religious and ethical convictions on me or anybody else would be a direct violation of the foundation upon which this country was built, but whatever. Using this logic (or lack thereof) a vegetarian president could make eating meat illegal because it violates his personal ethical beliefs. WTF?!? Just 575 days of dumbassery left.

• Paris! OMG! Like, Paris is getting out of jail early and will be released on Tuesday! JUSTICE PREVAILS! Which means I guess it's time for me to come clean about something... since the tabloids are sure to break the news soon anyway.

I am totally dating Paris Hilton.

I wrote her letters of encouragement while she was doing time, and she understandably fell head-over-heels in love with me. I will be moving to L.A. at the end of next week so Paris and I can be together. 2GETHER 4EVA!

I totally love Paris!
Lil' Dave is totally not wearing panties in this shot...

We ask that the media respect our privacy as we plan our new life.

And by "respect our privacy" we mean "follow us around and take our picture everywhere we go, because we are so totally hot and interesting and deserving of your love."

• Postcard. Five steps to embarrassment nirvana...

  1. Fill in a postcard request from Avitable.
  2. Go work in Seattle for a week.
  3. Have your mother pick up your mail at the local small-town post office while you are gone.
  4. Find out your mother thought the postcard was hysterical and showed it to everybody.
  5. Have random people ask you if your new penis pump has arrived yet...

Penis Pump

Insomnia blows! It's 7:00am on a Sunday and I am wide awake. On the bright side, I did get an entire five hours sleep last night, which must be some kind of record for me or something.


Categories: Bullet Sunday 2007Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. Laurence says:

    Your old photos are awesome !!! I love all of them ! I prefer the “strip poker”… But the “okay sign” is great too ! :-)

    The story of “postcard” are amazing ! I shouldn’t laugh… But I am laughing… Sorry !!! :-D

  2. diane says:

    Photo #1 looks like a bad tv ad from the early 80’s, possibly starring a young Seth Green as your buddy.
    Photo #2 actually looks tropical and quite nice.
    Photo #3 is a transparent pandering to your audience. ;) (p.s., are you wearing a crucifix while playing strip poker? Dirty!)
    Photo #4 doesn’t even look like you

    Thanks for sharing–these gave me a giggle this morning. :)

  3. Amanda says:

    I am scandalized that Lil Dave wasn’t wearing panties.

  4. Hilly says:

    Oh my God, part of me doesn’t even know what to say to half of these things…..wow ;).

    Pictures – made me giggle, totally. I cannot believe you put yourself bare chested up there cause NOW all the ladies are now going to swoon and wet….oh wait, yes I *can* believe it ;). Stud.

    Paris – OMG, STFU! I’m worried about you, Dave. Very very worried.

    Postcard – Awesome that your Mom showed it to people!

  5. Dave2 says:

    Laurence… Laugh away… I think it cannot be helped! :-D

    Diane… It’s not a cross. There was about an eight-year period where I wore an ankh. I believe I bought in 1987, then a couple of years later ankhs were made popular by the character “Death” appearing in Neil Gaiman’s “Sandman” comics. That’s the 80’s for you!

    Amanda… He’s dating Paris Hilton now, so I’m sure there will be no end to his scandalous behavior!

    Hilly… At a loss for words? YOU? That almost never happens!

  6. Avitable says:

    I’m glad your mom found it hilarious, especially because I think I wrote a particularly horrifying message on the back, too.

    And you were indeed quite the geek in your younger days. Now, however, you are an ubergeek.

    Finally, we are up to $2,000 now!

  7. Wayne says:

    Thanx a lot for taking Paris away from me. If you can’t tell, I’m being a little sarcastic. She meant everything to me and now that I finally got her out of jail, you go and take her away. You suck.

    :/

    Oh, and I think that when a President does something and doesn’t care about “this year’s majority opinion”, I think that speaks for his integrity. It’s not like he’s changed his mind just due to popular opinion, like other seemingly more charming presidents of the past. I for one applaud someone who stands on their position regardless of polls or “right thing du jour”.

    I strongly support the idea that one’s beliefs shouldn’t be _unchangable_, but rather should be _unshakable_.

    PS: that’s the same card I got from Avi.

    PS#2 are you wearing the same necklace in 3 of them, and a different one in the lawnchair one? Is it a talisman that wards off Bad Monkeys?

  8. Dan says:

    You seemed to have gained weight with age.

  9. Suzanne says:

    Look at your young, clean-shaven self!! It’s almost criminal what happens to us with the passage of time, isn’t it?

    Well, my idea of karmic justice includes GWB developing Parkinson’s & Alzheimer’s and a host of the diseases for which would research would have possibly developed treatments (if not cures), if only he hadn’t vetoed the stem research funding.

    I love his “New Math:”

    51% popular vote, smallest margin of victory for a sitting president since Woodrow Wilson=”a mandate”

    78% population supporting stem cell research= “crossing a moral boundary” resulting in a veto

    ARGH!

  10. Dave2 says:

    Well, since he seems intent on forcing radical-right Christian values on all American citizens, I can only guess that it’s a matter of time before he introduces legislation which dictates only Christians are allowed to vote.

    575 days left. So near, yet so far…

  11. Suzanne says:

    Let’s hope he doesn’t wreak too much more havoc in his remaining time.

    At least we know he can do no more harm after Jan 20, 2009.

  12. Hilly says:

    I dunno, I think I like the way you look now better….age, weight gain and all :).

  13. adena says:

    Dave, Dave, Dave….

    You TOTALLY gave Paris way too much Boobage. Did she get plastic surgery in the clink?

    Anyhow….as for the pics….WHY, exactly, did we not play poker at TequilaCon?? :)

  14. Suzy says:

    One bj = impeachment

    One moron who can’t get us out of a war he lied about, vetoes stem cell research, can’t pronounce nuclear and oh yes, is the biggest dumbass president we’re EVER had = no impeachment

  15. bogup says:

    What exactly is the warranty period on Avitable’s penis pump? Mine is 3 years old and I didn’t receive the product recall postcard…

  16. nancycle says:

    I’m wondering what you’re *still* wearing, .. around your neck in that strip poker game. Nice legs btw! Still not sleeping huh? That blows.

  17. Mooselet says:

    You definitely look better with facial hair than without.

    GWB and his politics don’t play well overseas either – about as popular as a malfunctioning penis pump!

  18. Jill says:

    Picture #4… Can anyone say Ferris Bueller? :D

  19. Erik B. says:

    It’s totally sweet when you meld pop-culture with politics in the same breath.

    Paris for president! She would be an improvement in comparison to what we have now. She’s slightly more intelligent.

    Diggin’ them old photos, seems like we have something in common: We are wasted in most of them.

  20. I am not sure why, but picture #3 is freaking me out.

  21. kapgar says:

    Isn’t that a bit too curvy for it to be Paris?

  22. Catherine says:

    You were a pretty cute geek then, but you’re better, now, kind of a hot geek. I’m with Mooselet on the facial hair issue and I like how you’ve filled out just a bit. Time is kind to you. :)

  23. Bec says:

    You really are quite brave aren’t you? Photo’s of your younger self. I’ve been trying to find photo’s of me that don’t make me look like a dork … but following your showing I don’t think I’ll bother trying – thank’s for the giggles!

  24. Dave2 says:

    Suzanne… Fingers crossed. :-)

    Hilly… Oh, then I guess I’ll take my head out of the microwave then.

    Adena… Paris had a visit with the prison plastic surgeon for a breast enhancement.

    Suzy… What? That’s a crime or something?

    Bogup… One year parts and workmanship.

    Nancycle… That would be my ankh.

    Mooselet… But the penis pump has the benefit of growing your economy!

    Jill… Bueller? Bueller?

    Erik… Paris as president? Yes! Bring back morality to the White House!

    KG… Probably because I am drunk, naked, and badly lit.

    Kapgar… Those prison plastic surgeons can do wonders…

    Catherine… Wait… are you saying I’m not cute?!? :-)

    Bec… Uh, yeah… it’s pretty hard to get geekier than me!

  25. Iron Fist says:

    I think the biggest thing that gets me about Bush and his veto of stem cell research is that he ties it all into his creating a “culture of life”, which was the rationale he used in pulling funding for aid agencies in Africa that had ‘abortion’ anywhere on their list of services the first freakin’ day he was in office. I can’t even tell you how many are suffering or dead in Africa now because he withheld their funding — to say nothing of the dead in Iraq. “Culture of Life”? Sure. You can call it integrity if you want, but I call it hypocrisy.

  26. Dave2 says:

    And let’s not forget our totally f#@%ed-up health care system that allows people to die in this country all the time…

  27. shari says:

    Looks to me like Paris is the one who gained all the weight… but congratulations to you, anyway. :) Does this mean you won’t be staying in the artist’s shed in the corner of our property afterall?

  28. Göran says:

    Total weirdness. You look exactly like one of my best friends in picture 2 and 3!

  29. victor says:

    Someone said “GWB and his politics don’t play well overseas either”, are you kidding me? Where did you hear that?

  30. y not i says:

    Damn, Dave. Now that these pictures are out in public, I guess there’s no hope of running for public office anymore. Scandalous.

    Anyway, thank you for reminding me to find, and burn, every picture of myself from the 1980’s.

  31. Patty says:

    Cute pics….especially the shirtless one, ha! I wonder if I would be brave enough to post my pics over the years and I had some hair don’t moments, that’s for sure. Especially during the 80’s, ha!

  32. Bre says:

    Oh I do so love discovering old drunk photos! Terrific!

  33. minimi says:

    Geez Dave, love the post n all, but the kids on the street are saying ‘2gthr 4eva’- because it like totally saves time erasing the vowels…

  34. Dan says:

    Well, I just ordered a couple pair of new pants with bigger waists, so I must not be so special.

  35. Lewis says:

    How did I miss this post? it must have slipped through while I was getting totally ripped in San Francico or admiring the Republicans in Idaho. either way, you know that I, for one, would have to comment on the PP (penis pump). So, have you actually tried one of these. Maybe Mom can have a little fun with it before she actually lets you grab a Snack Pack of chocolate pudding and drop your shorts (assuming you wear them) to try this puppy out. Please, can you take pictures of the burns and red marks.

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