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Posted on Wednesday, June 20th, 2007

Dave!Today was a positively beautiful day in Seattle.

So stunningly beautiful that I was depressed at the thought of spending all of it inside working. But that's the way life goes, and so all I got to enjoy of it was occasional glimpses out the window.

When I got back to my hotel room at the end of the day, I decided to look for something fun to do indoors to make up for my lack of fun outdoors. My solution was to push the beds together and make a brand new size of bed...



Since it is bigger than all other sizes of beds, I decided to call in the GOD EMPEROR SIZED BED. No matter how tall you are, you'll never run out of leg-room on this baby! About the only problem is trying to find sheets and bedding to fit the thing.

And that's a darn shame, because it's pretty freakin' comfortable. I think between my new bed and the handful of pills I just took, I might actually get a decent night's sleep tonight.

Assuming nobody comes banging on my door at some insane hour again.

I really need to get me an electric cattle prod for such incidents.

Categories: Travel 2007Click To It: Permalink


  1. Stephanie P says:

    Mmm…pills. Pleasant dreams, Dave.

  2. Ugly Toy says:

    You forgot the Super-king size! I’ve got an Ikea one, it takes two single mattresses side by side. Incredibly comfortable, although now all other beds seem a little too small… I do live in the UK though, maybe we’re special with our bed sizes.

  3. Wayne Hall says:

    I heard that the whole “it always rains in Seattle” thing was just a ploy to get tourists to not move there, and the tourists end up just enjoying the heck out of themselves most of the time because it’s actually almost always sunny. So people’s expectations are low when they go, and are easily exceeded, so they end up having a GREAT time.

    And wow, what a bed. I wonder if the “California God Emperor” is any bigger?

  4. kapgar says:

    Having a cattle prod still requires you to get up to use it. I say you just place a puddle of water outside your door and electrify the knob. You can stay in bed and enjoy the smell of burning flesh from your God Emperor-sized mattress. It’s a win-win.

  5. Avitable says:

    I’d like a God Emperor sized bed, please!

  6. Karl says:

    I like Kevin’s idea. Zap those bastards!

    Now I feel woefully inadequate with my puny Twin bed.

  7. Patty says:

    Looks like an awesome sized bed! As for the sleep issue, I’ve been having some awful insomnia too. The other night, no sleep at all till the morning. People say, what are you thinking? What is your stress level? But I don’t know why. I hope you can get some sleep soon and feel good all day. That sucks.

  8. Anonymous says:

    I guess the occasional use of cattle rods on twits complies with buddhist Principles, what’s the harm! : )

  9. Kyra says:

    You know, having the cattle prod, the huge bed, and the porn store next door – I’m starting to envision quite a party! Can I come too?

  10. Catherine says:

    Rainy dreariness in my spectacular hometown is like a vocal majority; everyone hears about that. No one tells you that when that’s not going on, which amounts to most of the time, the city is among the most stunningly gorgeous cities on Planet Earth. Seattleites joke with their tourists about it being a ploy, but then whisper the truth conspiratorially, like, but hey, we like you, so come on up! Actually, Seattleites are quite welcoming and embrace their city’s growth (for the most part).

    “Seattle ranks 44th among US cities for rainfall with an average yearly rainfall of 36.2 inches (92 cm).” (Scroll down a wee bit.)

  11. ChillyWilly says:

    Cattle prod… now that’s a useful tool to have for those late night hotel hall wandering freaks with ice buckets.

  12. Hilly says:

    I wanna come jump on your SupahBed! Just warn me if you will be using the cattle prod to make me get off!

  13. diane says:

    Both Kapgar and Kyra’s comments had me on the floor. So funny!
    I finally broke down and took a Vicodin last night and I slept sooooooo good. Sweet dreams, Oh Great Emperor of Peanut Butter!

  14. Laurence says:

    I want a God Emperor Bed ! YEAH ! 🙂

  15. Lewis says:

    So, that’s not your only problem (finding sheets for the bed). I’d say that it’d be a damn shame to have to be in it alone. You need about 25 others to join you. And you’re right about the weather….I was at the Seattle airport yesterday (and in Portland today)….and it’s an amazing first day of Summer.

  16. Royce says:

    I would like a bed that conforms to your body. If I turn over and sleep on my stomach I would appreciate a suitable sized for the bits that hang down um; toes and such. If one has cold toes perhaps a bit of spot heat would be good. Also an airconditioned bed would be appreciated.

  17. Stacey says:

    I think I have the fitted sheet to your God Emperor bed. I tried to put it on my full sized mattress and kinda needed a whole other mattress to fill it.

    I am blown away that Karl says he has only a twin bed. Must be so the ladies have to sleep on top of him.

  18. Nancycle says:

    Dave, I like the way you think.

  19. Amanda says:

    mm sleeping pills

  20. Catherine says:

    I wish my Gravatar would quit not showing up, damnit. It is so cute.

  21. So I’m traveling around NE Michgan (in the LP) and then I’m on my way down for a very quick trip to Chicago (to see Brandi Carlile and Indigo Girls).

    And I was talking on the phone at some point today about staying in the hotel and the conversation then switched to the topic of beds. This would have been an excellent visual aid to have gone along with the conversation…

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