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Pornotopia

Posted on Tuesday, June 19th, 2007

Dave!With my numerous projects and everything else that's been going on, I have been sleeping worse than usual... three to four hours tops. This makes for a very challenging day, because I am a wreck before we even start the job. By the time noon rolls around, I'm totally trashed and have to really struggle to finish up my work. But things are going very, very well on the project, so I guess I can't complain.

Tonight I had it in my mind that I would try my best to make up for lost sleep.

After a totally awesome dinner at Il Fornaio, I walked around downtown Seattle past the new Seattle Art Museum (which looks great!), and then down to the Pike Place Market. Everything is closed, of course, but I thought a long walk might tire me out and help me sleep. To make sure of this, I took a handful of sleeping pills, a muscle-relaxer, and a hit of melatonin before hopping into bed at 9:00pm. I wrote a ten-minute blog entry about pasta but, since my hotel doesn't have wireless, I decided to not get out of bed and plug into the internet, but instead go right to sleep and post it tomorrow.

Come morning I would be either well-rested or dead.

But since this entry is not about pasta, you can probably guess that something went terribly wrong.

I dropped off into a drug-induced, coma-like sleep around 9:30 with a decent night's rest practically guaranteed.

Unfortunately, I was rudely awakened around 11:40pm by somebody knocking on my door...

GROGGY DAVE: (opens door in his underwear) Yeah?
MAN IN SUIT: (stands gaping, holding an ice bucket) ?!!???
GROGGY DAVE: YEAH?!?
MAN IN SUIT: Uhhhh... I don't suppose my wife is in there?
GROGGY DAVE: What-?
MAN IN SUIT: Er, my wife is --
GROGGY DAVE: GIVE ME A MINUTE TO WIPE THE PEANUT BUTTER OFF HER ASS AND SHE'S ALL YOURS!
MAN IN SUIT: Uhhhh... I guess I have the wrong room.
GROGGY DAVE: YA THINK?!? DOES YOUR DOOR HAVE A FRICKIN' DO NOT DISTURB SIGN ON IT?
MAN IN SUIT: Ah, sorry about that...

What the hell?

And, of course, now I can't get back to sleep.

Shit!

I wonder if The Lusty Lady is still open... I noticed as I drove by that the shows running are "FANTASTIC 4-play" and "HAIRY SPOTTER." Sounds like down-home, wholesome entertainment to me.

Though I might be better off watching TV-On-Demand's "Pornotopia, because... well, I dunno... it just sounds classier.

I am curious to know if I take another couple of sleeping pills whether they will give me some sleep before I have to get up in six hours, or just totally f#@% me up so that I can't function in the morning?

Holy crap does this suck.

UPDATE: I took just one sleeping pill and managed to get 4 hours sleep. When added to the 2 hours I got before I was rudely awakened, that's probably the best night's rest I've gotten in weeks! Though I still feel like crap, which kind of sucks.


Categories: DaveLife 2007, Travel 2007Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. No, don’t take another one. You’ll totally be fuckered all day tomorrow. It’ll be like you’re walking around in thick, cold pea soup. You won’t be able for form thoughts much less words.

    Best to just take your mind off it and do something else ’til the edginess of the dumbass knocking on the door wears off.

    I mean, you know. I may have a bit of a problem with insomnia and all. :D I’ll still be here til morning if you need someone to email when I’ll lay on the sofa and wait for Doug to get up and pretend that I slept on the sofa all night.

  2. serap says:

    I couldn’t sleep last night either, but I opted for reading instead of porn. It was a tough choice though. I wonder if his wife actually did have peanut butter on her ass? Maybe you are psychic when tired?! Sweet dreams and sleep tight for tonight.

  3. RW says:

    Can’t wait to read how that guy with the bucket explains that on his blog today!

  4. The Chad says:

    Need help falling asleep? Watch The English Patient. That horrible movie knocks me out faster than an ambien mixed with beer.

    I’d thought about recommending you listen to some coldplay to help you sleep, but that might put you over the edge and put you or other innocent bystanders in danger.

  5. kapgar says:

    Can I just say I love that you had the wherewithall about you to still make the peanut butter comment. Please tell me that’s true and not some sort of “I wish I had actually said this” comment.

  6. Avitable says:

    Next time try a mallet to the head. 8 hours, guaranteed.

  7. Kyra says:

    Aww Dave – maybe it was actually an invitation…?

  8. y not i says:

    If the extra sleeping pills screw you up, you can always balance it with a combination of No-Doz and Jolt cola.
    The goal is to achieve medicated equilibrium.

  9. Rick says:

    Look on the bright side, you got today’s blog entry outta the way…

  10. Lewis says:

    First of all, I’d have sent her running from the room WITH the peanut butter still on her ass. Maybe he has a cracker to go with it. Second of all, I’m in love with Lunesta….just a half. You want me to play drug dealer for you? Thirdly, have you checked out Assagio…restaurant near the Sheraton or Westin (I can’t remember) in downtown Seattle? Great place, I hear…the owner/chef was the celebrity chef on a recent Caribbean cruise of mine.

  11. Dave2 says:

    Kentucky Girl… I ended up just taking one sleeping pill (instead of the recommended dosage of two). I did manage to get four more hours of rest, but am not feeling all that great, so I have no idea if it was worth it.

    Serap… If she did, it wasn’t in my room! Though I’m to the point where I’d rather have a good night’s sleep than anything else. :-(

    RW… In retrospect, the guy was pretty stunned. Had I not said anything, he probably would have just ran away. But oh no… I have to be a total bastard! I guess it’s my nature or something. Though if he IS a blogger, he got a better entry out of it than I did.

    The Chad… The English Patient is about as boring as it gets. I watched it on Pay-Per-View at my then-girlfriend’s house because I was told that chicks dig it, and it was a good date movie. I think we BOTH ended up falling asleep, so what good was that as a date movie? Maybe I should put it on my iPod so I can have it available at all time for insomnia emergencies?

    Kapgar… Uh no. I actually said that. The “peanut butter on the ass thing” is a running joke with one of my friends, and I use it frequently when a humorous sexual situation is required. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned it in my blog more than a couple times. I’m a total smart-ass, unfortunately, and this is just normal behavior. :-(

    Avitable… But then I’ll spend my day with a headache!

    Kyra… Uhhhh… I sure hope not. The guy sure wasn’t no Elizabeth Hurley, and I’m betting his wife wasn’t either!

    Y Not… That’s my usual routine when trying to get sleep, but then I’m freaking out the entire next day and can’t concentrate at all. I wish I just had an off-switch. :-(

    Rick… But I already HAD a great entry about pasta! :-)

    Lewis… That would just be a waste of good peanut butter! I have actually eaten at Assagio for lunch once… they make a pretty good pizza. I’ll have to remember them for dinner one of these days.

  12. Stephanie P says:

    Dave, While the English Patient is sure to knock you out, the Tom Hanks movie Cast Away always works for me. Plus, if I wake up while it’s still on, I don’t get as pissed off as I would during the English Patient. Boy, does that movie suck!

  13. Karl says:

    What, you’re not going to review Hairy Spotter for us? I’m muy disappointed, Dave.

  14. ajooja says:

    I had trouble sleeping the other night, despite taking my usual sleeping pill. I was up until about 3 a.m. and was an asshole all day.

    I got a normal night’s sleep last night but I could probably use a few more hours. Luckily, my project was completed yesterday. Just kicking it until whistle blows today.

  15. Wayne Hall says:

    That’s so much better than my hotel-room-annoying-wakening-went-bad experience. We were in Louisiana with our 3yr old daughter, and we (very wisely, in retrospect) fastened the inside-the-door-upper-latch in addition to the deadbolt and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, I was awakened to a constant and repeitive semi-opening of the door, as if someone was trying to get in our room. It was loud. It was incessant. This, as you could guess was extremely effective at making my adrenal glands work overtime, because I was assuming someone was trying to break in and harm my family. As I got up and investigated, it turned out to be my daughter trying to get out, because she was in an unfamiliar room and wanted to go find mommy and daddy.

    I shudder to think what would have happened if we hadn’t secured that additional inside door latch, which preventing her from getting out. She would have been in a hotel hallway, unable to get back into the same room, and it’s not like we would have heard her knocking, nor would she know our room number or anything.

  16. Dan says:

    sweet dreams. i get to wake up tomorrow at 5:30. i’m already freaking out about that.

  17. Hilly says:

    I don’t think you were bastard ENOUGH! Ahhhh, if only you’d been sleeping naked and answered the door that way….think of the fun you could have had then ;).

  18. Miss Britt says:

    Ugh, wish I had some advice for you for not feeling like crap.

    I am, however, seriously impressed that you can be groggy, in your underwear, and still witty!

    • falak pema says:

      what’s in a name. Whats in a face. Its the same place. When the name portrays the image. Two faces of same coin. Sublime and ridiculous. Lets share them both. Its like life. At least its vibrant.

  19. Anonymous says:

    whatever about the veggie sandwich Dave, I wouldn’t have blamed you if you went postal on him!! : )

  20. ChillyWilly says:

    I’ve not had too many issues with insomnia in the past (unless it was induced by some form of contraband that was ingested nasally back in the day). But the few times i’ve dealt with it in the last 8 years when I have a lot on my mind, two antihistimines, a couple of advils taken with a strong drink helps a lot.

    I just can’t do it that often (maybe once a week at the most).

  21. Chag says:

    When I first read this, I thought the guy was looking for his wife because he thought she was having an affair.

  22. Dave2 says:

    Stephanie… I have never seen Cast Wwayall the way through. I always get bored and change the channel. Occasionally I pick up the ending or bits and pieces off HBO or something.

    Karl… I have never been to The Lusty Lady, but the place has an interesting history. The Seattle Art Museum is across the street, and last year The Four Seasons Hotel tried to buy out the establishment. I’t kind of a Seattle landmark now.

    Ajooja… SLACKER!! :-)

    Wayne… Oh please. You can always make another kid… my story is MUCH more traumatic because I ain’t ever getting those missing hours of sleep back!

    Dan… My flights out of Wenatchee usually leave quite early, so I end up having to get up at like 3:30-4:00am or something. Now THAT’S freak-worthy!

    Hilly… He would have definitely been scared off if I had answered the door naked!

    Britt… My adrenaline was pumping when I found out that it was a mistake… pumping with ANGER! It’s not hard to be witty when your adrenaline is going. :-)

    Anonymous… As someone who follows Buddhist principles, I’d rather be violent against a sandwich than a fellow human… no matter how stupid they are. :-)

    ChillyWilly… The pills always knock me out, but they don’t KEEP me knocked out, unfortunately. I get maybe 5 hours, tops. :-(

    Chag… That would have been totally cool and blog-worthy! :-D

  23. diane says:

    Bah. I got six-ish hours of sleep total last night and I feel like I am going to die.
    I so envy you short-term sleepers.

  24. ms. sizzle says:

    that peanut butter comment is so perfect.

    i’m sorry you aren’t getting rest. that makes life rough.

  25. Dave2 says:

    Now see, you totally missed an opportunity for some ego-stroking there!

    You could have said something like…

    “That peanut butter comment, like you ass, is so perfect!”

    :-)

  26. Mooselet says:

    Dave, come take care of my kids for a few days and I guarantee you’ll get at least a couple nights of solid sleep! I was up til past 3am this morning with the baby and was woken up just after 6 am by the 3 year old wanting her peanut butter sandwich (ironic, that bit). Ugh….

  27. bogup says:

    The ice bucket guy is a J-E-R-K and, unfortunately what he did is not a rare occurrence.
    Glad to hear you use melatonin. It is a real fav of mine and w/o the nasty side-effects of sleeping pills. Esp. good for lessening jet lag but I use it three or more times a week for REM sleep.

  28. Suzanne says:

    I can relate on the insomnia issue. Bleah.

    Hope you get some undisturbed rest tonight!

  29. Greg says:

    Umm.. about the disturbance.. that was me.. my bad. I’m terrible about remembering room numbers and parking spaces…

    Won’t happen again. Please accept my apologies.

    Guy in Suit.

    (That was pretty damn funny Dave…)

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