My DSL is back, thankfully, because I was about ready to wean myself off my internet addiction by getting addicted to something new... like hookers and cocaine. Sure it's more expensive, but maybe I can pay for the whores and blow with my credit card so I can rack up the frequent flier miles?
Two years ago I decided to stop charging anything to my credit card and pay for everything in cash or via debit card. My thinking was that this would keep me from running up debt, and force me to buy only the things I could actually afford. This was a big change from the "charge now and ask questions later" strategy I had been using for decades, and ended up being a real eye-opener as to my spending habits.
Today I was checking my frequent flier mileage balance to see what trips I would be taking later this year, and came across another eye-opening discovery... my mileage balance has been slowly shrinking. Since I used to charge absolutely everything on my airline credit card, I received a substantial amount of miles from everyday purchases. Buying a can of fruit cocktail on credit was just another step towards a free ticket.
But no more.
So last night I went back through my old credit card statements and found, to my horror, that I have been screwing myself out of thousands upon thousands of miles annually by paying with cash. As the color was draining from my face, I came to the realization that my lazy attempt at financial management had ended up costing me several hundred dollars in airfare. Had I simply decided to keep better track of my spending instead of eliminating my credit card, I would have been much better off.
So now I'm back to charging everything again, but this time I'm being careful to create a budget and control my spending. Except now my old plan, which was based on not having internet ever again, is in need of revision...
Though I don't suppose there's any harm in trying out this plan for a month or two and seeing how things go...
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Maybe we could split the cost of the hookers….
Cocaine has more allotted to it than hookers?
have the best of both worlds….charge everything to your visa, but pay off the balance in full when it comes due. then you get the miles and never pay a penny in interest! of course you must still have the discipline to not buy more than you can pay off, or else you’re doomed.
I would say swap cocain and hookers, but that is a tough call. I assume internet porn is most of misc.
Pay in cash? You mean people still carry that stuff around?
So, what’s the hooker market like there? You may be able to save a little money if they’ll do it for free. Long as you pay that card off every month it’s a win-win. If not, you’re paying dearly for your free travel miles.
Dan… It doesn’t seem right making you pay half the cost for my hooker habit… though if that makes you happy…
Tori… Sure! You can always pay for hookers with cocaine, if need be.
Mike… Yes, that’s the plan. I’m watching my spending and keeping a budget on my credit card.
Yellojkt… I was working under the assumption that good cocaine is far more expensive than cheap hookers.
Stacey… Well, sometimes. Mostly I pay with Debit Card, which is pretty much the same thing, as it comes directly out of my checking account.
Lewis… A hooker perform services for free? THEY HAVE SUCH A THING WHERE YOU’RE FROM?!? Because I’m on my way to Portland in the morning if that’s the case!
This reminds me of the “Don’t Buy it if you Can’t Afford it” skit from SNL. I tried to find a link to it but the YouTube version was removed.
I’m not quite sure if hookers take Visa….and if they do, I’m not quite sure I want to know where you slide the card. Just sayin’…
😉
Right on.
I was just talking to a lady I know who charges everything to her credit card that gives her points towards Disney vacation…in the Fall, she is taking her family of 4 to Disney in Florida, for 13 days…9 day park hopper, air and car and food plan and hotel…all expenses paid by the credit card points.
Of course, I just stick with LL Bean and keep our wardrobe up to speed each year. And Christmas gift buying. And birthdays.
Listen, if you need help accruing more miles, just say the word. You can fly me out to your place and I’ll help you out with all the hookers and everything. Yep, I care about you that much.
For me:
Cocaine=Beer
Hookers=Panera Bread
Travel=Electronics/Toys/Etc..
OK, I want all the smart posters here (including and esp Dave) to tell me the best credit card to use for racking up free miles. I ask because I’ve been using credit cards and not getting the damn benefits and I want to go to Europe or send my son to Australia. Please tell me so I can start the big spending spreebees to get the freebees. thnx in advance
Troy… I’ve seen it. And laughed my ass off, because most people just don’t see the logic of it (which is how they end up with astronomical debt).
Hilly… In their purse? 😀
Stepping… And that’s the way you do it. But you really have to commit to putting ALL spending on that card. I was even paying off my monthly bills by charging their payment to my frequent flier credit card.
Karl… But uhhhhh… I don’t want any help with my hookers! 🙂
Chad… You must eat a sandwich a lot different than I do…
Bogup… It depends on which airline you fly. All major airlines have credit cards, and you should get with the company that has the airline you use most (especially if you have an airline hub in your city). Some credit cards allow you to transfer to any airline, but it’s best to get in with one so you can concentrate your miles.
If your going to use your credit card to get miles… can’t you lessen the Travel part of the pie a little to increase the hookers???
The hookers by the way should take credit cards. Not so sure about the cocaine dealer though.
but. . . you could get pussy for free!
(am i allowed to talk like this on your blog?)
What a budget !
Are you sure that you cannot increase your consumption of cocaine ? 😀
Oy, recently I had the opportunity to sign up for a United Visa checkcard. Same principal, and since I am already a member of United Skymiles, I pictured myself racking up oodles and oodles of free travel.
My guy, who works for a very large financial company, tried to convince me I could find a credit card with cash back rewards and through comparison shopping earn enough money to replace the miles at a faster rate. Whatever, I use my Visa checkcard for everything so I’d just as soon go with my original plan.
Hey, thanks for helping me work that one out in my head, Dave! 😉
I think high end hookers treat their clients to cocaine. You might want to revise that pie chart 😉
Hope you have a nice easter!!
Just so you know, you’re going to have to redo this budget after a month with a coke habit like that. My understanding is that your need for hookers goes way down (if you catch my drift) the more cocaine you do. But hey, it does free up some more spending money.
You know I’m just here to help you, right Dave? It is with this spirit of comaraderie in mind that I recommend you use your Visa to buy me a Mac Book Pro. Top of the line, if you don’t mind. You don’t mind, do you? Can you nab one for Katie while you’re at it, too?
I’m just trying to help.
That’s why you use an AmEx, so you have to pay it off every month. Helps keep you honest!
I would think you would want to pad the Travel part of the budget a little more, you might get bored with the hookers around the US. Traveling to find hookers and cocaine is much more fun. You could write a travel guide about it!
Excuse me Kapgar, just so you know, I’ve already asked Dave2 for a Macbook Pro 2.33 when he wins a $1,000,000 in a lottery or large gratuities from appreciative bloggers.
And Dave2, why not travel to places where hookers and coke are cheaper? But, hey, I don’t want to be complicit in your sins/crimes so don’t take this advice, OK?
Bogup, but I’m a #1 friend. I get special perks. And you? 😉
I made a similar, no, the same discovery last month. If I only would have paid my last tuition bill with my credit card, I could have taken off for Florance.
It’s the story of my life. But now I know better. God created credit cards for a reason. And even if I have to fly United instead of JetBlue, I would be an ungrateful little shit if I didn’t charge things more often.
The hookers deserve more than that.
kapgar, well ya got me there. And I’ve never kissed Dave2 either… :-/
From the pie chart you created, the percentage of cocaine to food makes sense. The more blow you do, the less food you eat.
As for missing out on the miles, I’ve learned years ago that any rewards credit cards are worth it… especially if they have 0% interest for any period of time. So not only do you get miles for buying what you would normally buy, you also don’t pay any interest, allowing you to let the balance ride so long as you make the monthly payment (I always pay at least what I charged on it the previous month and then some).
I have just locked my stupid debit card because I have forgotten my PIN!
Now am left with £8.50 until the bank sorts it out. Stupid bank. yes I know it’s my fault for having a leaky brain but… I’m woman, I can blame who I like. 😉
No, I wasn’t offering to help cover the cost of the prostitute, I was simply suggesting that we time share and hence split the cost, ’cause at the rate that I’m going, it’s the only female contact that I’m going to ever have again.
Dude, you’re spending way too little on hookers and cocaine. You should step that up a little. Maybe add in some heroin and midget wrestling tickets, too.
And check with your bank to see if they have a check card that gives you miles. I use US Bank and they partner with Northwest. When we remodeled our house, I put the money into the checking account and got thousands and thousands of miles out of it.
I have to go with KG. Any budget that doesn’t account for midgets is just asking for trouble.
Does Bad Monkey have his own allowance, or does he just share your stuff?
It’s fun to try something new—and it looks like you have a game plan…good luck to you! 😉
that looks like a very reasonable budget to me, dave. 🙂