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Posted on Monday, March 19th, 2007

Dave!Yaknow how you get that feeling in your nose and down your throat just before you're going to catch a cold? It took me a minute to figure out what was happening, because I get maybe one cold every three or four years and forget. Well, today at around 2:15, I got that "feeling." After screaming for a few minutes, I choked down vitamin C in quantities that are equivalent to the Recommended Daily Dosage for a small city, then shoved so much Zicam up my nose that I thought I was going to drown. When this happened a few months ago, it turned out to be nothing. It had better be nothing this time as well, or I might be upset.

Yaknow how you're washing clothes and you've run out of soap, so you put water into the soap bottle and swish it around to make more soap? But you forget to buy a new bottle of soap, so you keep trying to get more soap out of the empty bottle with even more water? Then suddenly you realize that you've been doing this for three wash-loads, and there just isn't anymore soap in that bottle? So then you add dishwasher soap in the hopes that it will be good enough to clean the underwear you so desperately need? Uh huh. Well, I hope I don't have an allergic reaction on my happy bits tomorrow, because that would suck ass.

Yaknow how you're blogging about maybe catching a cold AND possibly having an allergic reaction on your crotch, then realize that tomorrow might not be your day?

Anal Visitors

Yaknow how you look at your blog stats to make sure that you're not going to run over your bandwidth limit, then happen to notice how almost NOBODY visits your blog on the weekend? And then you start to wonder if perhaps Kevin has the right idea, and maybe you should just start skipping the weekends? Yeah. But I am so undisciplined that if I did start skipping weekends, I'd probably start skipping every day and never blog again. Why do I ever look at my blog stats? No good can ever come of it.

Yaknow how you've been craving taco pizza all day, so you get home and toss a frozen cheese pizza in the oven, then get out the lettuce, the tomatoes, the hot sauce, and grate the cheddar cheese that goes on top? But then you see that the lettuce has gone all brown and squishy, and you don't actually have any tomatoes? But since you've already grated the cheddar cheese and still want that pizza, you decide to just have a pile of cheese on top of your cheese pizza for dinner? This can't be healthy.

Yaknow how you've got a dozen things you want to blog about, but you're tired and don't feel like it so you just stop?

Categories: DaveLife 2007Click To It: Permalink


  1. Jacki says:

    WOW – here I was sitting at work – in the throes of a nasty cold, crabby as I didn’t have a new post of yours to read – when I refresh my screen and you are talking about having a cold. Now I am proud of my cold. I have become so obsessed that I have started channeling Dave!!

    p.s the only thing that excites me about going to work on a Monday is the fact that I get to read 3 posts by you – so keep the weekend posts please.

  2. doctawife says:

    I know exactly how all of those things feel.

    Except the bit about the pizza.

    And the bit about people actually visiting your blog.

    But I totally get the bit about the cold!

  3. Hilly says:

    Yanno how you are stuck at your sister’s house watching (help me) “Dancing With The Stars” wishing there was something else to entertain you? So you click over to one of your top five faves and get to hear about overdosing on vitamins, crotch itch and half-assed pizza at the same time.

    Yanno how you smell your friends shirt at TC07 a million times because it is delicious then wonder why the hell he would ever use dish soap but then realize that none of that matters as long as he does not get sick!

  4. Stephanie P says:

    Perhaps it would have been healthier to put more Vitamin C on your pizza.

    Also, I am one of the few people who reads your blog on the weekends and I must tell you…you’re an interesting guy. Really. Please don’t stop!

  5. adena says:

    I’m sensing some apathy….

    (oh, and dishwasher soap is never a good idea for clothes. My mom once bought a bucket of what she thought was laundry soap, and only after a few days of us wondering why all our clothes had tiny bleach stains all over them did she finally realize it was actually dishwasher soap.

    Yeah. Good times.)

  6. Karl says:

    Heh, I do the same thing with ketchup when I run out (on the rare occasion). Swish water around in the bottle to make more ketchup.

    Maybe I should be washing my laundry in ketchup water.

  7. andi says:

    I also usually read your blog on the weekend so please don’t stop!

    Also with respect to not getting sick I would recommend the things that most people do to get better – drink fluids, take echinacea (helps with the sore throat and boosts your immune system), and gargle with salt water (makes it impossible for the strep virus and what not to grow in your throat).

  8. Iron Fist says:

    It’s like my mama always said, “When life give you lemons, make lemonade. And when life gives you moldy brown lettuce, put a pound of grated cheese on top of your pizza.”

  9. diane says:

    Psssst, Dave. Next time you are running out of soap, try bath gel (i.e., one of your philosophy products) before trying dishsoap. In other words, something that already goes on your body vs. something that gets grease stains off aluminum.
    Hope you fight the good fight against your cold!

  10. The Chad says:

    I’m a stats addict. I have to look at my stats everyday. If i dont, they come and haunt me in my sleep.

    Must. Look. At. Stats.

  11. Uhm. Yes. I do. Except for the Taco Pizza part. Plain cheese is perfect..why bother messing it up with other stuff?

  12. Göran says:

    Perhaps a sign of not having a life but I check in here on weekends.

    The part about dishwasher soap cleaned underwear was plain scary, guess the supposed scratching can take the attention off the sore throat?

  13. Dustin says:

    I’m confused…what’s the problem with having extra cheese on your cheese pizza? My rule is if you can see the crust, then you’re just cheating yourself.

  14. timothy says:


    I know.


  15. delmer says:

    If the rash develops — don’t forget the shower massager and the scalding hot water.

    This is such a good idea that I left almost the same comment over at jodiferous just a few minutes ago. I really need to be getting some of that shower-massager kickback money.

  16. Tobi says:

    I read your blog on the weekends too. It makes me happy that you are one of the blogs I read that actually posts on the weekends, or posts at all now that I come to think of it.

  17. Kapha says:

    Wait a minute. Wasn’t today Monday? 🙂

  18. Diane is right. Shampoo/Philosophy stuff is perfect when you run out of laundry soap. Plus it makes your clothes smell better than a wilted lettuce, no tomato, extra cheese untaco pizza.

  19. Tracy Lynn says:

    I have no idea what you’re blogging about, but let me say this.

    I look at my stats because I am obsessed with where my readers come from.

    I shall now sink back into obscurity, armed with awful visions of delicious cheese and crotch itch.

  20. Avitable says:

    Wow – negative 2 readers on the weekends? I’m glad you blog every day – it gives me something to read on the weekends, and it’s usually pretty entertaining.

  21. Amity says:

    Don’t stop the weekend posts. It’s so much more fun on Monday when there’s 3 posts to read. 🙂

  22. kilax says:

    Dave, your stats blow everyone elses off the charts. I am always at the -2 billion visitor level!

    Please don’t quit blogging on the weekends, as Tobi said… you are one of the few who does!

  23. Jeff says:

    Your weekend comments alone total more than all of my comments over the week combined. So by comparison, if you stopped blogging over the weekend because of low traffic, I would have to stop completely.


  24. sizzle says:

    you just reminded me i am out of clean underwear. and dish soap.

  25. Miss Britt says:

    Yaknow how sometimes you just want someone to say… I know.

  26. Bre says:

    I have never before heard of “taco pizza” but now it’s all that I want to eat!

  27. Bogup says:

    Shouldn’t that chart go up to a trillion?
    As for colds — the first 48 hours are sometimes the worst — unless it moves to a secondary like a sinus infection, yechhh. Get plenty of rest, drink fluids until you are ready to puke, vitamin C, and the best remedy ever invented = Cold-eze to relieve the symptoms and shorten the duration. Don’t know if it is the zinc or what but that product works!

  28. ajooja says:

    I’m thisclose to ditching my sitemeter. I’m not tied to it like I was before but *knowing* who’s reading makes me self-edit.

    Maybe one day.

  29. kapgar says:

    I was doing it the same way you were… seven days a week. And not only did I notice that people weren’t really reading on weekends, but that I enjoyed spending time doing other things on Saturday and Sunday. It took a big leap of faith to give up the weekends, because I feared, like you, that it might screw me up otherwise. But I’ve done pretty well so far. I’ve blogged M-F for a while now and haven’t had any problems with motivation. And if I feel the need to blog on a weekend, so be it, I will. I say you give it a try for a couple weeks and see what happens. If you start to lose the motivation, go back to weekend blogging. Can’t hurt you to try it out, right?

  30. Lela says:

    I’m afraid of Zicam since it made those people lose their sense of smell. Does it really work for you?

  31. Ok, I hope things are going ok for you today because just reading this post bummed me out. Living it would be really hard. You need a friend who lives close to call so they can run out and get you laundry detergent and dinner and bring it over to cheer you up 🙂

    And Karl is weird with that ketchup thing up there. Water in ketchup?

    Lastly – I totally don’t understand my blog stats, but everyone is obsessed with them. PLEASE don’t explain stats to me or I’ll be obsessed with them, too. And my other obsessions already take up enough of my time.

  32. hannita says:

    The measuring of your visitors by the billions made me giggle this afternoon.

  33. This may be more information than you ever wanted to know, but when I was helping Ron Jeremy write his autobiography (shameless plug, I know), he told me that he regularly washes his “junk” with soap and warm water to prevent STDs. (I’m not sure if I believe his logic, but whatever.) Sometimes, in a pinch, he’s used dishwashing soap when nothing else was available. And he swears that it’s kept him from getting sick.

    If Ron is correct, I wouldn’t be too worried about developing a rash or having an allergic reaction. You might just be boosting your immune system. Wash a few more loads with dishwashing soap, and you may never suffer through a cold ever again.

    Either that, or just don’t sleep with Ron Jeremy. I’m pretty sure that’ll keep you pretty healthy, too.

  34. Dave2 says:

    Thanks for the tip… now that I know how to make myself impervious to STDs, I’ll be a lot more reckless with what I do with my penis in the future! 🙂

  35. Hmmm. That might not be the best idea. The last thing I want to read on your blog is a post that begins, “I visited a glory hole last night and, well, let’s just say that Ron Jeremy owes me a public apology.”

  36. annie says:

    It’s not that people are too busy to visit blogs on their day off, the thing here is, they are blogging from WORK. Naughty people.

  37. Laurence says:

    Ha ha ha… Negative visitors !!! I love this idea !!! Yaknow how I feel when I am negative during the week-end ?

  38. Steve says:

    Maybe it’s a sign of an older, calcified brain, but when I read the title of this post, I parsed it as yak now rather than ya know. And I can’t even use an all-night session with Kirkland as my excuse.

    BTW, my Dave number had at one time been much higher since I met you in Chicago last year through Mocha Momma at the blogger/pizza/mojito event. You were the sorta crazy one with the clown complex, right?

  39. Steve says:

    Uh, I meant Kirkman. (The first stages of Alzheimer’s are the worst because you can feel yourself sliding.)

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