This morning I woke up woefully behind in my email. As I'm pouring through it all, I quickly notice a bunch of comment notifications on several different entries left by the same guy. This isn't terribly unusual, because every once in a while somebody discovers Blogography for the first time and gets a little excited about leaving feedback. It's actually kind of nice when it happens.
Except this time. The first comment was about how this guy had a blog for a year, but finally gave up on it because nobody was reading. "If I had known I needed to draw cartoons and write nonsense to build an audience, I would have never started in the first place" he said. Things just got stranger from there. Comment #4 was a rant about how "nobody is elevating blogs to their potential for serious discourse" and then "crap like this (i.e. Blogography) should be deleted for clogging up the internet with stupidity." Comment #5 was priceless, because he stopped slamming me and my blog, and decided to turn on my readers (this means you). "Why in the hell are you people wasting your time with this crap?" he ponders. "42 comments about Vanna White on a mattress? Are you all insane or mentally deficient? How many comments would you leave if somebody wrote about cleaning the grout in their bathtub or wiping their ass?"
An aside here... If he had dug a little deeper in the archives, he would have found out that an entry about wiping my ass resulted in 27 comments. I'm still working on that bathtub grout entry.
But it was comment #7 which stole my heart. After blasting away at me, my blog, my readers, my genealogy, Google, The New York Times, a few A-list bloggers (like Dooce, Robert Scoble, & Perez Hilton), and the entire blogosphere in general, he decided to unleash his wrath on... wait for it... Farrah Fawcett??
Yes. You read that right. Farrah...
And no spanking my monkey in front of the Farrah poster!
Don't ask me why. I'm assuming Farrah doesn't have a blog, so maybe she set his computer on fire or something. Let your imagination run wild. All I do know is that Farrah is somehow partially responsible for people not reading the guy's stuff, and he is kind of upset about that.
Usually I delete comments like this and don't mention it, because the last thing I want to do is encourage this kind of behavior. Nasty comments which do nothing to contribute to the conversation simply aren't worth the trouble. If you want to disagree with me (or give me a verbal spanking) for something I've written, then more power to you. I have no problem approving comments like that. But I refuse to waste my time and energy on comment trolls who want a soap box for their wacky crap. They can start their own blog (or, in this case, un-delete their old blog) and leave me out of it.
But the idea of having Farrah Fawcett in one of my blog entries proved too compelling, so here we are. I understand she did very well with her recent medical treatment and is now cancer-free, so way to go Farrah. Maybe now we'll get that original Charlie's Angels reunion people keep talking about.
Anyway, there was no email address or link left with any of the comments, so I guess this is the end of it.
Ironically, if the guy's comments are any indication of what his blog was like, I would so totally have read it.
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Boy, that’s the worst case of sour grapes I’ve ever heard. He doesn’t get any readers, so naturally you (and us) suck. Right.
Sounds like one amusing crazy fucker.
maybe you will inspire him? you are a very inspirational person dave.
Dude, so would I, and I only got the Simmer Reader’s Digest version.
I’m guessing he tried for Serious Discourse. Not much of a market for that. Poor dumbass.
There’s nothing more sad than a failed blogger bagging on someone recovering from butt cancer.
I totally would have read his blog too.
I write on my blog because I like having somewhere to express myself, not because I’m going to be popular. My blog doesn’t actually get many views, but I’m near 200 entries and still going strong, if not as constant as I’d like.
In keeping with the snooty theme at my blog I posted a little thing on keeping your shoes shined. I put in all the stuff that is really supposed to be done when you do that, but I’m pretty sure I made a little fun at my expense over it as well.
A guy left a comment and said something like “there’s more important things in the world than keeping your shoes shined. With all that is going on in the world you should be ashamed of yourself.” Or some such.
Yeah. All kind of people in the world.
If someone doesn’t like a blog, or a situation, or a website, or a relationship, or or or …
I have one bit of advice: MOVE ON.
Coming back to a place you don’t like and throwing criticism or mud or disparaging remarks is rude, unkind and unproductive.
For someone like that I also have some advice, MOVE ON LOSER. Then again, he must’ve been jealous, or just a loser.
I still have never gotten hate messages, and I have to say I’m a bit jealous. My other favorite thing? Him bitching about blogs ON A BLOG — no less one he finds useless. Love it.
When I first started out, nobody commented on my blog that much either. I had to find my niche AND go out and seek friends. And now, I don’t know WHERE all this action I get comes from. It sounds like he is just bitter because he is not the pretty pretty princess that you are. That is the nice, diplomatic Hilly.
Dave’s friend Hilly says, “Let me at that fucktard and I will seriously rip him an asshole for calling you something similar to vapid and pointless”. And I can rip a good asshole. Gee, that sounds bad.
Damn you, damn your readers, and damn the internet.
I’d better go now and make up something good in my blog. Nah. Damn that too.
Here’s to hoping that maybe I met my once and future wife through my blog! That or that I was robbed senseless by someone I met through my blog.
Is there a difference?
If I could draw cartoons and write nonsense like you do I would never need to build an audience as it be akin to Mohammad and the mountain.
Some people, huh? What ass-kickingd were invented for!
There is no potential for serious discourse here? OK, guess I will have to sit here and wait patiently for the grout entry.
As if writing material for serious discourse and having readers are mutually exclusive. True, I’m not creating any serious discourse, but I’m about writing crazy crap about giant genitals and stuff like that. Some people just don’t get it.
Find out if he’s married. This is the kind of psycho I usually end up with and I could use a middle man like you to set it up. You would be saving me days and weeks and years of heartbreak if we just get to the psycho part up front.
I spent a bit of time tonight bouncing around a few serious sites.
Oh man. I’m guessing they were useful for someone, somewhere, but I was not the audience. So I clicked away.
It never occurred to me that I could leave bitchy comments. I need to get meaner and butch up a bit.
I have a tidbit of advice for Crazy Dude if he’s reading: write about Jehovah’s Witnesses. Then stand back and wait for the wackos to come crawling out of the woodwork.
And by wackos I mean readers, of course.
That’s some serious crazy right there!
Jeff… Yes. But WHY me? That’s the one thing I can’t figure out. Lucky?
Avitable… But I haven’t ruled out the possibility that I’m the crazy one.
Ms. Sizzle… Ah, but inspire him to WHAT? I’m hoping that I don’t get dragged into court for whatever comes next.
Tracy Lynn… Yeah, what fun is that in a blog?
Frances… Of course, he just said “Farrah” – I am assuming (possibly incorrectly) that it’s Farrah Fawcett.
Michael… Well, at least I don’t have to worry about you coming after me next then!
RW… Here’s the deal. There is always going to be somebody who thinks they have something more important than what you’re writing about. In my case, it’s probably true. But not to ME. And, since it’s my blog, that’s all that really matters… doesn’t it?
Bogup… I should just put “MOVE ON, LOSER!” in huge letters at the top of my blog. Of course, then people would have to realize that they are losers so they know to move on, but still…
Sandra… Never mind the fact that he probably spent an hour surfing and commenting on my useless blog. 🙂
Hilly… But “vapid and pointless” is what I strive for here. It’s actually a pretty big compliment! Almost like I’m a Hollywood movie star or something!
Dan… Not from the guy’s perspective.
Bec… Ah, but you can’t just draw cartoons… they have to be completely useless cartoons! That’s where the draw is!
Robin… My bathtub grout entry will be a week-long, seven-part series. If that’s not worthy of intelligent discourse, I don’t know what is.
Karl… That’s because not everybody has the massive genitals that you have. Pretend you have smaller genitals so your readers can relate…
Suzy… I was thinking the same thing. Usually I end up with the psychos, so it would be just perfect if his masculine pen-name was a ruse and, in fact, he is actually a woman I could date.
Delmer… Serious blogs? There are serious blogs out there? Who would want to read that?
Sass… But of course! No need to elaborate there… as a blog reader myself, I can totally relate. However, my crazy is controlled by medication, so I’ll just have to fake it when I comment on your blog. 🙂
Bre… As opposed to that not-serious crazy that’s just kind of sad and boring. 🙂
He must not know your secret – that you are paying us all to leave comments!
I want to make a witty comment, but all that keeps running through my head is your throw away line to “give me a spanking.” Sure you said verbal spanking, but I keep loosing that part…
i came by way of caffeinated librarian’s tour de blog. i have a couple different thoughts (and that’s a lot for me in one given evening):
first – how come trolls never find my blog worthy of their comment vomit? i swear, i’ve been blogging for something like nine months, and they’ve yet to visit my place so much as once. so sad.
second – what is a post about wiping your ass, if not serious discourse? i mean, does it GET more serious than that?
third – crap, i think i may have a new blog to add to my bloglines…
If he hates your blog so much and can’t help but read it and comment, maybe there’s something deeper going on? I’m guessing he’s a closeted Blogography lover.
“If I had known I needed to draw cartoons and write nonsense to build an audience, I would have never started in the first place.”
lol! This is hilarious on so many levels I’m afraid we’d run out of comment space to go into them all. An obvious one though is the fact that “building an audience” appears to be the highest priority.
I wonder if they went to all the other successful blogs out there and sent similar comments, to wit:
“If I had known I needed to do something unique and from the heart, without expecting or requiring anything else in return (such as approval or praise), I would have never started in the first place.”
So, I’m still confused, what’s all of the to-do about wiping one’s ass…..I thought that was normal conversation and a part of everyday life.
That’s the kind of flaming I want!!
:::clicking fingernails on the desktop:::
Where’s the grout, man?