A couple years ago when they were electing a new Pope, I decided it would be a good idea to sign up for the position. It seemed like a sweet career move and, if nothing else, I thought it would be cool to drive around in the Popemobile and pick up women.
I don't know if you heard, but I didn't get the job. The Catholic Church instead decided to go with somebody who has a little more religious experience (as in 78 years old experience). This is a darn shame, because I think I would look most excellent in that Pope hat...
Well, today I discovered yet another reason that I really need to get that job the next time around... as Pope, you have the ability to render a decision as infallible. According to a Wikipedia entry I found, Popes rarely exercise this privilege. It is an extremely uncommon event, and one that the Pope (and the Church) take very seriously.
This would not be the case if I were Pope.
If I were Pope, ALL OF MY DECISIONS WOULD BE RENDERED AS INFALLIBLE!
Maybe it's because I'm a certified genius, but I think it's more likely because I am never wrong*. I have a track record of being infallible already, so why not take the logical next step?
It would also be incredibly handy for those times that people argue with me for no reason other that to be irritating. As Pope, I would simply decree my decision INFALLIBLE and that would be the end of it. No more arguing. No more drama. No more wasted time. Just the bliss that comes from being inarguably correct in every way, all the time.
In the event that (heaven forbid) a new opening becomes available, I'll be sending my resume off to The Vatican tomorrow.
* Misunderstood, perhaps, but never actually wrong.
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I like the whole people not arguing with you thing, that would be a sweet advantage.
You been tagged by the way, check my site…..
Dave, when you become Pope, can you infallibly deem that Veronica Mars must never be cancelled and that the show must continue to be good. Oh yeah, and world peace would be good too.
I’m thinking Jeremy Piven would adore your infallible decisions.
As a Catholic I feel like I should be somewhat offended by this post except that I’m pretty sure I’d agree with all your decisions.
This won’t interfere with your being my Minister of Propoganda when I declare DangerIsland a sovereign nation and myself Supreme Ruler of all the Land and Woman with the Best Shoes Ever, will it?
This would make a nice addition to Dave’s World, you could have another whole theme park just for your holy side of things.
I think it would be a real money maker.
Isn’t it funny to what lengths Humans will go through just to feel like there is something infallible out there? Amazing how hard it is for us to “let go” on so many levels…
Lil’ Dave does look pretty sharp though – an infallible dresser if nothing else. 😉
The hat is called a “mitre”. If you’re gonna be Pope, you oughta know.
chris
You couldn’t do worse than the current reactionary dunderhead.
Kyle… D’oh! I will try to get to it this weekend.
Nicole… Yeah, I have a feeling there would be a lot of Papal decrees to that effect… 🙂
Adena… Hey, everybody adores the Pope! It’s a perk of the job!
Frances… Well, since I was raised Catholic, half my family is Catholic, and have friends who are Catholic… I was very careful to not say anything against the Pope or the Church (just as I wouldn’t say anything against any religion). I don’t see how wanting to be Pope so I could have the ability to decree infallible decisions is offensive but, of course, if I say anything to offend somebody, I’m sorry for it.
Aargh… The official religion of DaveLand is Davism, and it is nothing BUT a religious theme park! You can read about its ties to Davism and the Daveologists who run it in this entry.
Kapha… I guess… but I AM infallible, so humanity can feel free to cling to me. 🙂
Chris… Oooh… Mitre. Mitre. Mitre. Hmmm… “Pope hat” sounds funnier, but I’ll give it a try, so maybe it will grow on me. 🙂
Yellojkt… Well, the current Pontiff has made some scary inflammatory statements, but I can’t help but think that many things are completely blown out of proportion by the media. Everybody is so quick to be offended now-a-days, that I can’t imagine ANY public figure being able to avoid this, including Pope Benedict (who is trying very hard to hold on to traditional Catholic values in today’s modern world). On top of that, it must be very hard indeed to fill the shoes of Pope John-Paul II, who was so astoundingly loved and respected the world over. And, of course, the guy is EIGHTY YEARS OLD. Pope must be a difficult job at any age, but 80? He’s doing a better job than most 80-year-olds I know! 🙂
Dave, you’re gonnna have to choose – Daveism or Catholicism. You just can’t head up both. Unless Bad Monkey is heading up Daveism, in which case you’re sorted!
I currently declare all of my decisions infallible. Then I run away before anybody can argue.
…ooo…I’d love a ride in the Popemobile!
Hard to believe they snubbed your resume first time around. I think you’re shoo-in for next time. I mean, how long can a 78-year-old stick around?
I simply refuse to argue with anybody who’s wrong. Saves a LOT of time.
Uhhh, Dave…Presumably one must be ordained a priest to become the Pope and last time I looked, there was thing about a vow of celibacy….still want the job?
ah yes, dave as pope. then you would announce that LOST is a waste of time and when people argued with you to the contrary you’d say “well, i am infallible. shut your pie holes people!”
can popes say “pie hole”?
Those bastards! How could they not elect you? I mean, I know why the rejected my brother…but you? It’s sacrilegious!
As an agnostic, I’m immune to your infallible decisions, aren’t I?
Ooh…if I was the Pope’s sidekick (since I’m pretty sure women can’t do it), would my decisions be infallible too?
Do you get voted in? How much you willing to pay for me to vote for you?? How glad are we that our president doesn’t have this option available to him (although I’m pretty sure he’s already of this particular mindset).
And just outta curiosity, how am I supposed to receive your first born if you’re the Pope? You ‘mitre’ wanner change some rules.
Dave, you are already our Pope !!! 🙂
(ok, Pope in the Blogholic Church at the Blogtican… but, you are our Pope !!!) 😀
When you become “Your Holiness” can you work on changing a few things:
– The church’s current position on: birth control, gays, It’s not the Middle Ages, for heaven’s sake.
– Punish the child molesting priests instead of giving them the equivalent of early retirement in cozy surroundings.
– tell us once and for all: is there Purgatory and Limbo, or what?
– Why did I have to buy all those pagan babies? Where are they now?
– What’s with the wimpy sacrament of “reconciliation”? Isn’t confession good enough any more? Are we trying to get our sins forgiven or just come to an amicable agreement?
Stop the rock music masses!! It’s bad enough to be forced to pray all these stupid modern prayers without somebody’s garage band playing the background music.
Thanks for listening, your Popeness.
Once again I’ve learned something new. I thought all Papal decisions were infallible by default. I didn’t realize they had to be declared infallible.
I must have been snoozing during RCIA when that point was made.