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Posted on Tuesday, January 2nd, 2007

Dave!Wah! My (usually) most-excellent web host, Media Temple, has been having problems all day. Sometimes you can get to Blogography, sometimes you can't. Sometimes you can leave comments, sometimes you can't. Do these people not realize who I am?? When my blog is down, the very fabric of the universe is in jeopardy!

After being buried in snow for the past week, today we get... rain. Lots and lots of rain.

On the roads that have been plowed, the rain isn't too bad. It helps melt away the bits of snow that are still hanging on. But on roads that are not plowed, everything turns to a giant slushy mess that's absolute torture. Driving in it is exhausting, because it's a minute-by-minute fight just to keep your car on the road.

Here's me driving home after dropping off some work for a client...


The even worse news is that I left my laptop power adapter at the office and was too terrified to go back and get it. This means that I can use what's left of my battery to either surf for lesbian porn... or write a blog entry.

And here I am.

SEE? SEE the horrible sacrifices that I have to make in order to keep YOU entertained? I'm totally giving up my nightly lesbian porn fix for this! And it's entirely possible that my site will be down and I won't even get to post this crap anyway!

One could assume that my dedication to lesbian porn must not be very strong if I would allow a little thing like slushy roads to keep me from retrieving my power adapter. Yet this is simply not true. I can always surf for lesbian porn using the browser on my mobile phone. Sure the tiny screen makes it difficult to tell whether I am looking at a naked breast or a peanut butter & jelly sandwich, but the roads are really, really bad. As in Clay Aiken "singing" bad. Or even David Caruso "acting" bad. Yes, that bad!

But the blog must go on.

And now I'm really hungry for a peanut & jelly butter sandwich...

Categories: DaveLife 2007Click To It: Permalink


  1. Dave2 says:

    No not really.

    Because I don’t think that all of those ladies are REAL lesbians… I think some of them just pretend to be lesbians for the money.

    I try not to think about it too much, otherwise I might get depressed over the alarming lack of integrity in the lesbian porn industry.

  2. Hilly says:

    What about lesbians *eating* a PB&J????

  3. James says:

    Damn. Why do I get the feeling that when I have my PB&J for lunch, I’ll think of lesbian porn?

  4. The Chad says:

    if you had a wii you could surf lesbian porn on it 😉

  5. Mia says:

    Mmmmmmmm lesbian porn….

    I mean…mmmmmm peanut butter and jelly…

    Now I want lesbians covered in grape jelly.


    I mean that in the nicest possible, “ewww your roads are bad and you don’t have lesiban jelly filled porn” kind of way.

    Yeah, so I’m going to bed now.

  6. Avitable says:

    My hosting through ICDSoft was down all day yesterday because of some huge clusterfuck in Boston. It’s fixed now, though.

    I was just reading in Maximum PC about hosting your blog on your own server. Seems pretty simple – I might just have to try it.

    And real lesbian porn is not pretty at all. Fake lesbian porn is much hotter.

  7. Laurence says:

    2007 get off to a good start for you !!! A massive penis and now nightly lesbian porn !!!

    But I see the sacrifice… 🙂 and I am sure that all the comments (and all perverted Google readers) will make up for this painful experience with a happy one !!!

    P.S. One day, you will explain me how naked breast can be look like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich… For this moment, I can’t see!!! 🙂

  8. Man, it’s a good thing that you and Google are not on speaking terms. Otherwise I can just imagine all the folks who would show up on this blog entry looking for lesbian porn and end up being quite disappointed. Then wouldn’t you just feel terrible…playing with those folks emotions, teasing them and then leaving them hanging. *tsk tsk*

    Not that your car drawing wasn’t fantastic…I liked it. But then lesbian porn wouldn’t be too much of a selling point for me; I’d much rather have the peanut butter sandwich.

  9. Joefish says:

    Mm… peanut butter…

  10. Karl says:

    Aren’t we shooting a low-budget lesbian porn flick at TequilaCon? Should we tell the ladies?

    Thanks for letting me know about the tech difficulties. I tried all day to reach Blogography yesterday and was repeatedly tortured with “Can’t connect” pages. Argh!

  11. nancycle says:

    I’m touched. Truly I am! A sacrifice.

    I’m also impressed with your resourcefulness. How was the PBJ sandwich?

  12. Miss Britt says:

    Dave, I am offended. Seriously – your blog is getting down right disgusting.

    Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwiches?


    Oh crap, I was going to suggst ham and cheese – but you’re vegan or something, aren’t you? *sigh* I guess I’ll have to just live with the PB&J references.

  13. Jeff says:

    Imagine how confusing it would be if you saw a naked lesbian eating a PB&J sandwich on your phone.

  14. Peggy Archer says:

    Wow – I’m so glad I don’t live anywhere with snow!

    Hope you’re staying warm, and the lesbian porn will still be there. I’m sure they’re making more of it RIGHT NOW!

    Happy New Year.

  15. Rick says:

    Shit, now I’ve got a lesbian stuck to the roof of my mouth.

  16. kapgar says:

    I assume all that swearing was on my behalf. For that, I thank you. You are a good man, David Simmer II.

  17. damn, you wonder you’re scared to drive in the snow…you’ve got one curvy road to travel on!

  18. ms. sizzle says:

    will there be a casting call for the porn filming at tequilacon?

    and a more important question- what kind of jelly?

  19. delmer says:

    Rather than yelling “sh*t,” wouldn’t it have been better to yell, “I’M A TAXPAYER … I’M GONNA SUE … WHO’S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS … I’M A TAXPAYER …”

    Maybe that works only after you’ve done something boneheaded.

  20. diane says:

    Between the amateur porn filming at Tequilacon, today’s lesbian porn post, and yesterday’s massive penis post, you are not doing much to sway me toward going to Portland in March, Dave. 😉

  21. RW says:

    Blackberry jelly and peanut butter is good…

  22. Kapha says:

    lol, Rick! You almost made me spew my Kefir! 😀

  23. Alexis says:

    Um, at the end there…Peanut and Jelly Butter Sandwich? What is this Peanut and Jelly Butter Sandwich you speak of? Sounds disturbing, yet delicious…

  24. geri says:

    It’s amazing how narrow-minded & naive a lot of people still are about human sexuality. It’s not a simple matter of “straight” or “gay”.

    There’s an awful lot of bi peeps in porn – bisexual in one way or another.

    If you ask them the majority of the women who appear in lesbian porn identify as bisexual. And some women who specialize in straight hardcore identify as lesbian, and some of them may not identify as lesbian but clearly still prefer women romantically – & that doesn’t necessarily mean they can’t enjoy sex with men.

    There’s also a lot of men in gay porn who say they’re straight & some of them have wives and kids to prove it. Of course they are not really straight – they are bisexual. But that doesn’t have to mean they won’t always chose a woman as their primary partner.

    So anyway you shouldn’t make assumptions about the sexuality and sexual identity of anyone you see performing in porn. It just makes you sound very silly – sorry if that’s a bit harsh – but it really does.

  25. Dave2 says:

    I am guessing that you are referring to what I said in the second comment (“I don’t think that all of those ladies are REAL lesbians… I think some of them just pretend to be lesbians for the money.”), because at no point did I ever allude to the sexuality of the performers in my actual entry.

    Ummm… yeah… two things…

    1) I never said that performers in a lesbian porn film couldn’t be bi-sexual. I simply said that they might not be actual lesbians. This acknowledges that in addition to being gay, they could also be straight, bi-sexual, transgender, hermaphrodites, asexual, or whatever. So, in fact, it is YOU who shouldn’t be making assumptions here. Thanks for putting words in my mouth and then condemning me for what I never said.

    2) I don’t think anybody here is confusing the PERFORMERS in a film with the CHARACTERS they play. “Memoirs of a Geisha” was a film about the Japanese, but half the primary actors weren’t Japanese at all… so if we were discussing that film and somebody were to refer to Ziyi Zang or Michelle Yeoh’s CHARACTERS as Japanese, would you freak out and chastise them because they are actually Chinese and Malaysian? Making assumptions about what other people are thinking does indeed make one sound very silly… so you’ll excuse me if I think you are very narrow-minded and silly for coming here and doing exactly that.

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