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DeGoogled

Posted on Monday, January 1st, 2007

Dave!I had a long hard day at work and didn't get home until 10:30. This is not the best way to spend a Sunday holiday. Some would argue that it's not the best way to spend any day but, sadly, I'm used to it. So when I finally drag my sorry ass to the couch for some quality TiVo time, I realize that I haven't written in my blog today. That sucks, because I don't really feel like it now. For the first time in years, I actually consider skipping a day.

Until I turn on the television and see Dr. Daniel Stein M.D. telling me how he has devoted his professional life to improving the sexual health of others. "Holy crap!" I say to myself as images of this creepy doctor instructing people how to have sex fill my head. But it turns out he's selling penis enlargement pills called (hah!) ExtenZe. Actually, they're MAXIUM STRENGTH Extenze (I guess when it comes to giving yourself a bigger penis, there's no half-way, so "regular strength" ExtenZe is not an option).

But penis enlargement pills are not the reason I decided to blog, however.

It's what Dr. Daniel Stein M.D. said next...
"I have personally researched the formula in ExtenZe, and found it to be truly effective."

Which is another way of saying "I've tried the stuff, and now I have a massive, massive penis."

"Well that explains why they only show him from the waist up" I say to nobody in particular. Suddenly I wonder if this is the secret to Lil' Dave's own massive endowment, and consider offering him to the Stein Medical Institute as a spokesperson (spokestoon?)...

Daveextenze

There's a part of me that actually wants to call for the free sample to see if it actually works... and then blog about it. I can picture it now...

"DAY 10: My penis is now so big that I had to buy a larger pair of pants today..."

In other news, I got an email from somebody a few weeks ago which I thought was spam offering to "increase your search engine position" and was about to trash it when I realized it wasn't an offer, it was a question. A guy was asking if I was preventing Google from indexing my site, because he was having problems Googling my blog. I go check it out and, sure enough, Googling "blogography" shows no results for my "Blogography" (yet at Yahoo, Ask.com, MSN and other search engines I show up fine). I have no idea why. Signing up for Google's "Webmaster Tools" reveals nothing and provides no way of finding out. I guess it doesn't matter, because it's not like I'm getting money for visitors or anything... but it is strange how dozens of sites that link here show up while the actual "blogography.com" does not. Oh well. It's not like anybody at Google is going to care about a blog like mine.

And then today I read where Boing Boing, one of the biggest web sites in existence, is having the same problem.

Now that I know a site like Boing Boing has also gone missing, I have to wonder if Google's search results are worth a crap anymore. Perhaps it's time to go back to Yahoo? If I were running a business, I would be totally screwed, because Google IS search, and there's doesn't seem to be anything you can do if you disappear.

On the bright side, I should be grateful because I don't really want my site popping up when people Google "massive penis."


Categories: Blogging 2007, DaveLife 2007, DaveToons 2007Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. adena says:

    Maybe I’m weird, but I NEVER go to google. I got in the habit of using Yahoo ages ago, and I’ve never switched. Maybe that’s a good thing….

    Oh, and I’m totally for the scientific experiment! Do it for the little people. (No pun intended!) :)

  2. Kapha says:

    Duuuude, I coulda sworn it was Monday today! ;)

    I love the doctor quote:

    “I have personally researched the formula in ExtenZe…”

    … in other words, he read the ingredient list.

    “…and found it to be truly effective”

    … at lining his pockets with cold hard cash.

    Man, I wouldn’t touch the stuff with a ten-foot pole. Even if that was the result.

  3. Lux Lisbon says:

    I actually prefer Dogpile.com, which by the way, you come up second.

  4. MRKisThatKid says:

    I preferred the internet when it was just a bunch of rusty cogs, not the mass of tubes that it is now.

  5. Avitable says:

    Daveology and Davecafe show up if you search for your name.

    That is really strange. I would suggest contacting Google about that – I know you don’t get any advertising benefits, but still, you should be the first thing people see when they search for Blogography.

  6. nancycle says:

    Hm. The idea of penis enlargement has always puzzled me. Now, I could be wrong here, and please correct me if I am. BUT a larger penis wouldn’t increase pleasure for a man, would it? I don’t think so. Therefore, I can only deduct that the selling of this penis enlargement (buy a BIG bow), low and behold is for us! Us being the receivers of said enormous penis, in this case a woman.

    With that said, it is also my understanding (with good authority), that a woman’s G-spot is located on the anterior wall of a woman’s vagina. Variations acknowledged, but perhaps a third of the way inside a woman’s vagina.

    Wouldn’t an enlarged MASSIVE PENIS overshoot this target zone? So much for ‘keeping your eye on the prize’…Assuming of course that this enlarge penis, is indeed being tailored for the receiver and in this case I, being a woman assume it would be for us.

    Now, if Dr. Daniel Stein M.D., who I would assume IS familiar with the female genitalia, knows this, wouldn’t he be selling a penis SHAPER?

    Sure glad you posted Dave.

    :-)

    p.s. I became fed up with Google because of this sort of thing and have used Dogpile ever since.

  7. Kyra says:

    I get lots of google hits. I guess I slept with the right… er, I mean, wow, I have no idea why Google works just fine for me. ;)

  8. kilax says:

    Happy New Year Dave (to you and your penis)!!! I wish the best for you both! ;)

  9. Kevin says:

    Just as my site finally surpassed Kevin Apgar of Glacier Bay National Park in Google, I find out it’s for crap! Dangitalltoheck (yes, my New Year’s promise to Katie was to curb the swearing)!

  10. Dave2 says:

    Adena… Well, apparently you are getting better search results than I am by using Yahoo, so carry on!

    Kapha… And so it is. I think that my internal clock is broked. :-( I’ve fixed it.

    Lux… SECOND?!? Well that’s no good! How am I going to conquer the earth in second place? :-D

    MRK… It did have the benefit of not being crammed full of crap that has (apparently) broken Google! Cogs=Good.

    Avitable… Contact Google how? I don’t find any way of doing that. Given that they index billions of pages, I don’t think they’re going to have a customer service department… besides, if they don’t list Boing Boing, they’ve got far bigger problems than my little blog.

    Nancycle… I’ll have to take your word for it, but manhood has long been measured by the size of your penis, so maybe it’s a psychological thing? I dunno.

    Kyra… I USED to be the #1 hit for both “Blogography” and my name… I have no idea what happened, because it’s not like I stopped sleeping with somebody at Google. Unless they found my penis too small and de-Googled me for that! That’s it… I’m ordering some EntenZe today!

    Kilax… We thank you, and wish you the happiest of New Years as well. Me and my penis are nice that way.

    Kevin… SEE Google really IS broken! :-)

  11. Avitable says:

    I’d suggest going to the Webmaster Discussion Board that’s part of the Google Webmaster Tools. It might be that they just changed the way pages are ranked, making blogs lose pagerank, but it might be good to know. If I Google “avitable”, my blog is the first thing to come up, so it just sounds like something strange that bears investigation.

  12. Laurence says:

    For starting 2007, I could not hope better… A massive penis for Lil’Dave…
    I am sure that this post will bring you a lot of perverted readers by any search engine!!!
    I don’t know this cheap “doctor” but I like what he said for selling Extenze!!!
    Any way, I am always surprised when some people can believe in those products !!! It is beyond me!!! But I am sure that Lil’Dave will sell Extenze to Bad Monkey… Mmmmm… Wait a minute, BadMonkey is a boy or a girl?

  13. Jeff says:

    Glad to see you made your deadline. I checked on your site last night before I went to bed and noticed you hadn’t posted, and I actually wondered if you were going to miss a day!

    The good news is I have nothing more serious to worry about.

  14. Chase says:

    You can enter your url here…see if that helps. I did that with mine when I first started and it was in there the next day (though it says it can take a long time).

    http://www.google.com/addurl/?continue=/addurl

    p.s. Give cartoon Dave my number.

  15. ChillyWilly says:

    I’ve found the same thing with my site. Doing a search on the domain name chillywilly.org brings up all of the comments I leave on other sites (including this one) and it’s not until the 8th or 9th link before I get an actual page (and archived one at that) on my actual site.

    Makes me question Google and what kind of tweaks they are doing to their search engine. It used to be the first link or two.

  16. i had to Goole “Blogography” myself to believe it…

    weird!

    how does that happen? I mean, that kinda sucks!!

  17. Miss Britt says:

    Please. Please order those pills.

    THAT would be a blog series to die for.

  18. Dave2 says:

    Avitable… Thanks for the tip. Hopefully, by the time I have time to care about the problem, they’ll have it fixed.

    Laurence… But he’s a doctor! You can trust a doctor on television, can’t you? Bad Monkey is a boy. No lady… even a lady monkey… would dare act the way he does.

    Jeff… Except Media Temple (my hosting company) had a blow-out, and all their sites (including Blogography) went down. And some people haven’t been able to comment either. if it’s not one thing, it’s another.

    Chase… Oh my site is indexed… it has been for years. It’s just that I’m not turning up in “general” search results. If you search for something specific, I’m there. This is odd, because my site has a PageRank of 6 and is updated DAILY, when other sites that turn up have barely any page rank at all or are updated hardly ever.

    ChillyWilly… Well, Google is Google, and I suppose they can do what they want. But knowing what I know now, I do not trust them to return accurate search results.

    Dawn… Well, nobody knows. Google never tells anybody how placement works, and the web tools they provide you are completely worthless for finding out. Maybe it will work itself out in the next few days?

    Miss Britt.. Well, it’s not like I would be posting photographs of my “progress” or anything… :-)

  19. Hilly says:

    I would buy those pills FOR YOU if it meant that we could have Dave’s Chronicles of Genitalia right here each day ;).

    As far as searching goes, I actually have both open (Yahoo and Google) when I search for important things and Yahoo has been better lately!

  20. diane says:

    I have to agree with Miss Britt–I think this will be the only time in my life I leave a comment in a blog that says, “Take the penis pill! Take the penis pill!!”
    Isn’t the Google problem just Murphy’s Law–I am the second site to come up under Sparktacular (always pre-empted by the pyrotechnics company in Florida and in the top five for my name. I actually never hoped to be quite so searchable, and wonder what I inadvertantly did!

  21. kapgar says:

    Now that was just mean. *sniffle*

  22. delmer says:

    After your visit to Ohio I Googled ‘pasta salvi.’ As you had said, Blogography came up before Salvi’s site.

    My site came up right after yours on Google, but the hit was that of a comment you left at WADLL. So, two of the hits that came up before Salvi’s own website featured Blogography and a comment you left at my place. These were both on the first page of hits.

    Googling ‘pasta salvi’ now brings up a hit about DARE Graduation and your visit to Ohio on the first page, but the hit to your site is absent as is the hit to the comment on my site.

    Adding a +blogography brings up your comment on my site.

    AND … as I was researching this and trying to find the Blogography link to the mysterey … I had trouble accessing your site at all. So I went to lunch.

    I can only assume that somebody has hopped in a tricked-out Delorean, gone back in time, and have kept your parent’s from meeing at the “Heaven Under the Sea Dance” (which is as close as I can come without doing better research.)

    I wish I could say I’ll miss you you if you totally become non-existant, but I expect at that point in time I’ll lose total awareness of you ever having been.

    For the record: I would have missed you. I’m sure we all would have.

    Maybe Doc Brown will get it all sorted out before it’s too late.

  23. Dave2 says:

    Hilly… Hey, if nothing else, it would give me something new to blog about! Sadly, it seems as though that’s all my penis is good for now-a-days…

    Diane… Sure. First my readers talk me into trying penis enlargement pills, next thing you know readers are daring me to eat manure or something!

    Kevin… You expected something else?? You are one of my readers who has met me… THREE TIMES! You should know by now that I am a total bastard! :-)

    Delmer… Well, we all know that Lil’ Dave has a time-traveling DeLorean… so the big question will always be whether or not Bad Monkey stole it and is mucking up the time continuum! Cheeky little monkey!

  24. ChillyWilly says:

    @delmer… “Enchantment Under the Sea” dance (big BTTF fan here)

  25. Miss Ann Thrope says:

    That made me spew my diet caffeine-free coke and pee a little.

    I think we need to get Lil Dave in a commercial. he’d blow that Bob dude right off the air waves!

    PS: Large penises are for a man’s ego. Not so much for chicks.

    You crack me up!

  26. Bec says:

    I don’t know… I go away for a bit, bounce back to the blithernet and am confronted by ‘Lil Dave’s massive massive penis.

    I have missed this…

    er, blog. :)

  27. jenny says:

    The sight of naked ‘lil Dave and his pixelated naughty bits has left me nearly speechless… :)

  28. Dave2 says:

    ChillyWilly… Yes, but if heaven WERE under the sea, I’d imagine it looks much like the dance in BTTF! :-)

    Miss Ann… Perhaps I should add a disclaimer to my blog about needing to wear adult diapers and a keyboard protector? It’s only a matter of time before I get sued over something like this! :-D

    Bec… What better way to welcome you back than full-frontal nudity?

    Jenny… Oh my! How are you going to survive TequilaCon?? :-D

  29. sandra says:

    Maybe what it really meant was “I tried the stuff because my penis was INSANELY SMALL, and it’s much larger.” (?)

  30. The Chad says:

    You know that it’ll instantly show up on google now that you’ve mentioned that.

  31. nicole says:

    I love this in their FAQ: “Take 2 capsule each day until you reach the size you desire. It’s up to you how large you want your penis to become.” If this product really worked, could you imagine the lawsuits when someone’s penis exploded? LMAO!

  32. Kimono says:

    Happy New Year. I hope you come to Japan again, and we could have lunch at HRC again. Have a great year!

  33. RW says:

    Those penis enlarging pills don’t work. They tell me.

  34. ms. sizzle says:

    i dunno, i tend to trust a product that spell its name with a Z in it. ;)

  35. Dave2 says:

    Sandra… Well, I wouldn’t know anything about having a small penis… :-D

    The Chad… Oh probably. My luck seems to run like that. :-P

    Nicole… I’d think that there would be a point when your penis is simply too large to be practically functional. Hopefully somebody addicted to ExtenZe would know when to say “when!”

    Kimono… I have not been to Japan in years now! I would really like to return once again soon… especially to see the new Hard Rock at Narita!

    RW… But these have been tested by a REAL LIVER DOCTOR OF MEDICINE! He wouldn’t lie… would he?

    Ms. Sizzle… Yeah, but you don’t have a peniz! :-)

  36. Mocha says:

    This wasn’t a Google thing, but I found it. And I found it weird.

    Tell me what you think.

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