It is 4:30am on a Sunday. Using my brilliant math skills, I calculate that this means I've had 4-1/2 hours of unrest. I want to go back to sleep, but figure I might as well write a few bullets for Bullet Sunday first.
• Pudding. The reason I woke up at 4:30am was so I could go to the bathroom. And grab a Snack-Pack pudding (because there's nothing better to do in bed that blog and eat Snack-Pack pudding*). But this is no ordinary Snack-Pack... it's NEW "SpooNibbles" Snack-Pack. Each little container of chocolate pudding comes with a vanilla cookie that you can use to eat with. When you are done eating the pudding, you eat the cookie "spoon." It's the single most brilliant invention since electricity. I once accidentally grabbed a plastic fork for my Snack-Pack, but didn't notice until I was ready to eat it. Thanks to "SpooNibbles" you can avoid horrific experiences like this. I think more foods should come with cookie stick spoons to eat with. I'd totally eat crap I didn't even like if I knew there was a cookie at the end. I might actually even eat a salad.
• Dated. You know how there are people with whom your entire relationship is based on a mutual hatred? And I'm not talking about politicians and Hewlett Packard... I'm talking about real people with whom you regularly interact. I don't have too many of these heinous individuals in my life, so imagine my surprise when one of them asked me out. Like on a date. It was really strange, because I had always just assumed she loathed me as much as I have come to despise her. Yet there she was. I guess that I am so totally lovable that even mutual hate can't keep people away from me. Using my brilliant math skills, I calculate that it has been 6 months since my last date. This gives me serious pause to consider actually accepting. Fortunately, rational thought manages to somehow overcome raging hormones, and I decline by telling her "oh, sorry... I'm leaving the country." In retrospect, this sounds like a lame blow-off excuse, and I feel kind of bad about it. Even though it happens to be true.
• Veronica. I am receiving mixed signals about the fate of the best show on television: Veronica Mars. I received a flurry of emails telling me that Veronica had been cancelled in favor of a Pussycat Dolls reality show (where they will apparently be searching for a new Pussy). It sounded just typical enough of network television to be true, so I did some digging and found a statement saying that Veronica was just moving away from Tuesdays, and wasn't cancelled at all. This made even more sense, because previous statements had said Veronica was given a nearly-full-season order. But now I read an actual news story which says Veronica is taking a "breather" in favor of Pussycat Dolls after February sweeps, and will then return after with the final five non-serialized episodes of the season. This is not a cancelation notice, but it might as well be. CW network f#@%ers. How in the hell are people supposed to get into a show when you keep moving it and pre-empting it for shit? I mean, it's not like I am against the hot bitches of Pussycat Dolls having a television show, but to pre-empt Veronica Mars for this crap? Seriously?
• Bedridden. It's 5:30am now. After three bullet-points and a half-hour of blog surfing I am going back to bed, where I fully expect that I will lay awake staring at the ceiling until it's time to go to work. My life sucks that way.
• Uh huh. It's now 7:30am. Just as I expected, I didn't get any additional sleep. Instead I thought about how happy I would be if the Pussycat Dolls were to die in a fiery plane crash and the idiots at CW Network had no choice but to order additional episodes of Veronica Mars to fill the sudden gap in their scheduling plans. I then thought of how I would be even happier if the Pussycat Dolls were to crash their plane into Hewlett Packard so they BOTH perish in a big ball of fiery death. The fact that I am wishing death upon my enemies usually has me sleeping like a baby, but not today. Hmmm... what if Jared the Subway Sandwich Whore was visiting Hewlett Packard when the Pussycat Dolls' plane crashed into it? Bitter tragedy or poetic justice?
• Madness. In addition to Barack Obama's book, I'll also be taking my Absolutely MAD: 50+ Years of Mad Magazine DVD-ROM. I already have some comics on DVD, and was pretty happy when I found out MAD was getting a similar treatment. The first issue I was exposed to was the "Star Wars Musical" issue from 1978. I then became an addict, buying all the MAD books and magazines I could afford until Don Martin left the publication in 1987. With Prohias already gone, it just felt like time. Re-living "my" MAD's glory years and being able to see most everything that happened before and after for only $40 is pretty cool...
• Hands. Yesterday while washing my hands in Quizno's bathroom, I saw one of those signs that said "EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS BEFORE RETURNING TO WORK! - LOS EMLEADOS DEBEN LAVAR LAS MANOS ANTES DE VOLVER AL TRABAJO!" "No shit!" I said to myself. Then I laughed, because that's the whole point.
Bah! Time to go to work...
* Actually, there are plenty of things better to do in bed than eat Snack-Pack pudding and blog, it's just that it's been so long since I've done anything else there that I forget what they are.
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if you want something that’ll really keep you up at night, read House of Leaves. Creepiest Thing Ever! it’s like a mix between a torture chamber and a garden maze…
If your DVD Rom has covers on it, look for the cover with Slash on it (I think – it’s from 1994), and in the Lettuce and Tomato pages you’ll see a letter and picture of me.
That is so infuriating of the CW. I guess we might as well cherish these last few episodes of VM, because it’s all over.
James… But I’m looking for something to help me sleep… I don’t want to be kept awake!
Avitable… You are so totally hot in that photo…
Surely the Pussycat Dolls getting a reality show is a sign of the Apocalypse?
That pudding looks really good. You know, Dave, you could just buy some cookies and keep them on hand to eat your pudding with.
Ha ha! A friend of mine had a conversation once about how we wished more utensils came edible. Tortilla bowls for salads, bread bowls for soup (oddly connected to yesterday’s entry), the fun dip utensil that comes with the candy…my friend said he’d be in heaven if they made a milk carton built out of cereal!
Even though I don’t really enjoy pudding (it upsets my tummy), I will still add it to the crusade to make more food utensils edible. 🙂
It’s almost like fun-dip pudding :)… but doesn’t the cookie get soggy?
And also – why is it that the word ‘cancel’ follows every single show I adore and not all the crap that rots brains?
You know that there are probably hundreds of women on the “wide wide world of web” that are totally into you, so don’t think you have to settle for something with someone you loathe. Unless, of course, that makes for great nookie ;).
First sausage/pancakes on a stick and now the pudding? What’s next???!!?
From one insomniac to another, the best advice I can give you is to watch Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo if you can’t sleep.
Works every time.
By the way, I like your face.
Wow….4:30, thats about the time I went to bed this morning so I could sleep all day for work tonight.
Hehe….Death to Subway Jared!
Nooooo!!! Say it isn’t so!!!! They can’t take my Veronica away from me (I guess they can, bastards!)
This sucks. 🙁
I bet Snack Pack pudding is just as fun with someone in bed to share it with.
“I might actually even eat a salad.”
don’t toy with me dave.
now, i’m sad about the whole veronica mars bit. i’ve been waiting fairly patiently for the series to start again.
You know the chocolate/sugar after 8pm is contributing to keeping you awake at nights, right? 🙂
I do exactly the same thing! In fact, last night I got hungry at around 11pm and the only thing nearby in my office was a handful of dark chocolate covered espresso beans… I had a few, and the last one was burnt – YECCCCH! So I had to have four or five more to get rid of the taste…
I was chatting with a buddy and mentioned it – his response:
“Enjoy the sunrise! :)”
Actually was asleep by 3:45am, but yeah, there are no accidents… 😉
I can’t believe you posted that! What a dork I am/was!
That Spoonables pudding reminds me of Lik-M-Aid as a kid. It was a Pixy Stix like sugar candy that you ate with a white candy stick. I think they still make it, too at places like 7-11.
Despite all your great recommendations I was never able to get into Veronica Mars – maybe the time switching was a factor. I think this will be my new approach to TV series: I won’t get involved because the network crooks just cancel it on you once you’re hooked.
RW gave me season 3 of “The House of Elliot” for Christmas. I waited over 4 years for the US release only to find that season 3 was the last, because *wait for it* it was CANCELLED after the 3rd season! That’s right: get to the last episode and left with a cliffhanger. Argh!!
So…I feel your pain.
Maybe I bought the wrong brand, but I remember that cookie stick being more crackerlike. I wanted it to be shortbread, but I was disappointed.
I can’t even talk about VM. I just got into it and now they’re taking it away. Sad. 🙁
Dave, if they Pussycat Dolls died in a fiery plane crash it would be a massive disaster…for Veronica Mars. The show would have to keep going until they found five new skanks. Killing the Dolls will not help, they are cookie cutters, and there are tons of other girls ready to step into their place and pick it up like nothing ever happened.
Hmm… Spoonables. Sounds quite sexual to me? Are you sure there isn’t a hidden meaning in this post??!
Hehhe… Leaving the country. I should try thath sometime! Then again, I’ve tried others similar, and been outed because they found my blog. Damn. But, hey, it’s not like I try to hide it!
Have fun leaving the country Dave!
Hey Dave! I love pudding! And, those edible “spoons” are quite the invention. Chocolate pudding with the vanilla “spookie”, ha ha, tasted better than the vanilla on vanilla.
BTW, I sent you an email…a cute boy posted an ad on Craigslist San Diego, used one of your Dave ‘toons for a pic. Very clev, and I emailed him your blog URL.
PS. Have you listened to the Pussycat Dolls CD? It’s actually quite good, but not good enough to pre-empt VM. Sigh.
Oh, and LONG LIVE MAD MAGAZINE!
That Star Wars comic thingie reminds me of my personal copy of the Star Wars Christmas special where the first half an hour is all in Wookie speak, and they sing silly songs, and do little dances.
Good times…
K, I’m going to watch it now.
“I’d totally eat crap I didn’t even like if I knew there was a cookie at the end. I might actually even eat a salad.”
It works at our house!
MAD comics – HA! There’s one in our bathroom right now. I felt it was important to expose Omar to Mr. Newman. Those fold-in pages at the end, the style…Years of entertainment. Kudos to you for having the Star Wars special issue.
You’re not alone on the bed thing…well, actually you are alone…
Six months since your last date? Inconceivable! How are women not surrounding you like flies on a turd?
You know, I love Veronica Mars but this season isn’t as good as the first two. I can’t make out why, but it’s just not all there this year. I hope they don’t cancel it because even at 50% Veronica Mars is better than most everything else on the air.
With the right promotion, non-serialized eps could work in VM’s favor for increasing its audience. For now I’ll hang on to the slim hope that they’ll give it the advertising it deserves.
Mad Magazine DVD
$40.00
Cheap