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Posted on Wednesday, December 27th, 2006

Dave!Why is it that every time I really want my camera, I've left it at home?

Since I haven't been out of the country for over a year, I didn't realize that my passport had expired until I looked at it this morning. This really sucks ass, because even if you pay the "expedited handling fee" it will still take up to two weeks to get your renewal. Since I am leaving in three weeks, I had to FedEx it out TODAY in case something gets screwed up along the way. This meant a trip to Wenatchee so I could have new photos taken at the AAA.

Because of the recent heavy snowfall, all the snow from Wenatchee's streets is piled up three feet high in the center turn lane. This is kind of a pain in the ass, because any time you want to make a left turn, you have to keep going until you find a plowed intersection, then do a U-turn and backtrack to where you needed to turn. This has been going on for the 20+ years I've been driving, and everybody just deals with it the best they can.

Except one crazy bitch who thought her little Nissan Sentra could break through a wall of snow three feet tall and make that left turn. Needless to say, this wasn't going to happen. Not only did she screw up her front bumper, but she high-centered herself on the snow. Since she was blocking the lane, two guys from a truck ahead of me decided to get out and see if they could push her off. The entire time she was screaming her head off and, when I rolled down my window to listen, this is part of what I heard...

High-Centered Dumbass Bitch

Of course, being the stupid f#@%ing dumbass that she is, she naturally decides to blame everybody except herself. I find clueless morons like this highly entertaining, and I was cursing myself for not having my camera with me because I would have totally posted a photo of the hilarity that was ensuing.

But, after a minute or so, the two guys managed to push her off the snowbank and she sped off... still screaming at nobody in particular, but mad at everybody except herself.


Anyway... my new passport photo sucks ass, as usual. I look even more like a terrorist than last time, which is bound to make for some exciting new memories to treasure as I pass through Customs for the next ten years. Of course, like anybody who travels extensively, I'm sure that I've already got a lovely profile on record with Homeland Security. Hopefully it only says nice things about me, because I always try to be nice to everybody when I enter or leave the country.

Of course, if I ever DO get detained, I now know exactly how I should act...

Dave Detained

Yes. From what I see on a daily basis, raving like a complete idiot seems to be the American Way now. I can totally do that. US Customs agents would be disappointed if I didn't act like a fool... after all, I'm sure they find clueless morons highly entertaining as well.

Doesn't everybody?

Except clueless morons, of course. They just don't know any better.

Categories: DaveLife 2006, DaveToons 2006, Travel 2006Click To It: Permalink


  1. Tracy Lynn says:

    Raving Dumbassery: It’s The American Way

  2. Dave2 says:

    Well I know that -I- have never been more proud to be an American!


  3. nancycle says:

    Some people just don’t get it. Don’tcha just love it when someone else’s stupidity becomes the hub for the ills of society. I feel sorry for the person at the City of Wenatchee who answers her complaint call.

    I hope you yelled “TAKE YOUR MEDS!” as you drove past.

    BTW, my passport photo is a total embarrassment compared to yours. Can you say pig tails?

  4. Dave2 says:

    Now this IS a coincidence… I too am wearing pig-tails in my new passport photo!

  5. thethinker says:

    In my passport photo, I look like a fish. Either a fish or a person trying to kiss the camera. In reality, I was in the middle of saying “Wait!”.

  6. Laurence says:

    It is always necessary to have its camera. It is a basic rule. 😉
    I hate snow.
    This woman is too stupid.
    All passeport photos are horrible.

    PS. To blame others except oneself is to standardize behaviors. I hate this behaviour. It is stupid because the feeling of culpability leads us to question us on the direction of the existence and the finality of our acts. It prevents us from regarding as normal the operation of a producing world of the inequality, the injustice and the exploitation. Thought !!!

  7. NetChick says:

    Hey Dave, are you actually returning to the States by plane? If you are driving, you don’t need your passport ’til 2008. I, for one, loved the American process when I handed them my British passport. Tons of extra paperwork and grief. Next time, I’ll make sure my Canadian passport hasn’t expired before I travel to the Caribbean!

    ps: That woman sounds completely nuts. Thanks for the laugh.

  8. Hilly says:

    I JUST learned about assjackets in slow cars driving through the snow yesterday so I feel ya, really.

    I am sure your pic looks fab cause you are too cute for it not to be!

    Oh yeah, I’ve invaded your state 😉

  9. Mooselet says:

    I get to carry two passports now, one American and one Australian. If that don’t get me a file with Homeland Security, nuthin’ will. I think I already have one because I always get searched when we travel in the US. Yup, this suburban no-makeup-wearin’ mother of 4 is a terrorist for sure.

    And the blame game is universal, I’m afraid. I here the same stuff here from ignorant people.

  10. nancycle says:

    Thanks. But I think you’re just trying to make me feel better. Unless of course you have evidence. Then you get a prize.

  11. Kyle I says:

    We’re having a big issue with that in Denver. Since we usually don’t deal with this amount of snow around here so needless to say the public works aren’t the best equipped. And people have been bitching lately because they can’t get their cars out.

    Long story short, I can see both sides. But there’s a nifty invention called a shovel that might help get that car out….

  12. Kapha says:

    lol – you caught the essence of “customs guy” perfectly in your drawing! 😀

  13. Belinda says:

    You need Bella to take your passport photo. Then you will look like a 40’s film actor instead of a terrorist. And I should know, because apparently I DO look like a terrorist, at least according to the good folks who phoned in my license # and vehicle description, causing me to get pulled over by local police for taking pictures in the Wal-Mart parking lot last week.

    My point is, it might be a blessing that you didn’t have your camera.

  14. Avitable says:

    I had a plan a few years ago when William Hung came out with a CD. We would lace the CD with explosives, so if anyone actually bought it and played it, they would die immediately in a fiery inferno. This would likely end up in the removal of many dumbasses from our midst instantly.

  15. ms. sizzle says:

    What would we do without clueless morons? I mean, who would we make fun of? Sure, the world would be a safer, saner place (esp if George W wasn’t President) but at least we get some good blog material right?

    I think some terrorists look cute. You could be a cute terrorist.

    (Is this blog comment going to be tagged as “Sizzle is pro-terrorists and anti-Bush? Uh oh.) 😉

  16. sandra says:

    I actually did get detained by customs for quite a while on the way back from Vietnam not so long ago. They sat me down and asked a lot of questions about what my parents did for a living (and seriously, when you’re over the age of 12, does that matter?), why I was there, etc., and seemed especially thrown by the fact that I came back alone. They’d asked who I traveled with and I said, “a friend from Sydney” and that led to another 30 minutes worth of questions about how we met, what he did for a living…and I just kept thinking, “if I was a terrorist, would any of these questions give you helpful information?”

  17. Miss Britt says:

    I’m going to have shirts made that say “and YOU are why I blog” – and hand them out freely during the day.

    What size do you think that woman would have worn?

  18. kapgar says:

    Aye aye aye. Thanks for the passport reminder, though. Mine expired just a month or two ago. Of course, I’m not sure when, if ever, I’ll really have need for it. We shall see.

  19. Tal says:

    My favourite thing is people like my lazy uncle, who haven’t worked for the past 10 years, who like to rant and rave like that. And its like, uhhh, no, you actually have to pay taxes to consider yourself a tax payer.

    I gotta get my passport too. Its so stupid for me to keep putting it off, especially since I work in the passport building.

  20. Clueless morons aren’t entertaining… just my €0,02.

  21. Dave2 says:

    Well, your .02 Euros is almost .03 US$, so I suppose that makes your comment more valuable than mine!

    You must live a much more exciting life than I do…

  22. You know, before all this Homeland Security bullshit, you could travel with an expired passport for up to 6 months.

  23. Dave2 says:

    Really? I was scared to let go of mine, even though I wasn’t traveling, because you never know when you might have to leave the country. Now that I’m without a passport, I feel totally insecure. What if I should badly need to kill somebody and flee to South America? Oh the humanity…

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