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Mutant

Posted on Saturday, December 30th, 2006

Dave!Oh how I dread the drive home from work each night. There's just too many idiots on the road. Last night was particularly nasty, because I ran across somebody in the ditch who apparently thought that his 4-wheel drive made him immune to sliding on ice. I stopped to make sure everything was okay, only to find out he had already called somebody with a winch to pull his truck out. "Heh heh... watch out, it's slippery out there" he says.

Uhhhh, yeah. That's what happens when water gets cold.

But before I drove home from work, I put on my gloves and wondered for the millionth time why glove manufacturers are so frickin' stupid that they consistently make the thumb and little finger too long. Every pair of gloves I've ever owned has had an extra inch of fabric flapping around on my "hang loose" digits. Very annoying. I mean, seriously, just LOOK at this lunacy (thanks to the "X-Ray" attachment on my Epson scanner)...

Hand in Glove

   
GAH! Dumbass glove manufacturers!! Surely I'm not the only one who notices this stuff?

Unless...

HOLY CRAP! It's me, isn't it? I'M A MUTANT!! Somehow my mutant super-power is to have a thumb and little finger shorter than everybody else! THAT'S why gloves never fit me...

Mutant Hand in Glove

   
Or maybe it's my middle fingers that are longer. Who knows. I wonder if this is a good enough mutant super-power to get me into the X-Men? Probably not, but it might get me into a cheap horror movie...

Mutant Hands!

Of course, Lil' Dave only has four fingers.

Not because he's a mutant, but because he's a cartoon.

Oh well. I try not to feel too badly for him... he can still flip-off people who irritate him. That's all that really matters, isn't it?


Categories: DaveLife 2006, DaveToons 2006Click To It: Permalink
   

Comments

  1. Tal says:

    Heh, when I first started reading, I thought you had actually RAN ACROSS somebody, like with your car.

    You actually have to be more careful with 4 wheel drive, its more unstable
    But it does help me back out of the driveway when it snows :)

  2. The Chad says:

    Yes, being able to flip people off is really all that matters in my book. I could a paralized and still be happy as long as I could flip people off (especially those buttmunches that stare!). Anyway, I love idiots who think 4wd makes them invincible, especially when I get to watch then slide 1/4 way through intersections with their eyes shut like they’re expecting to get t-boned for their retartedness.

  3. taboman says:

    same thing happens to me. oh well. i guess you’re not that mutated after all.

  4. Kapha says:

    I swear this is more entertaining than when I recently watched Santa Claus Conquers the Martians on MST3K. :)

    A pet peeve of mine is how those “one-size-fits-all gloves” that come in a box are so damn small. They are obviously not one-size-fits-all so why the heck don’t they just make S-M-L-XL sizes?!? I took apart a small motor awhile back and ended up going through a couple dozen of these gloves because I had to rip them off my hands to let the blood come back into them. I don’t see how paramedics and the like deal with these.

    P.S. I got the “Slayer” Lil’ Dave on the post header and he’s definitely got 5 fingers… Unless that’s Lil’ Dave’s Evil Twin or he’s wearing the glove-hat from that kid in that 5000 Fingers of Dr. Whatzit movie. Ok, I definitely had too much caffeine tonight…

  5. margalt says:

    You have hands like mine. They are the hands of the peasant. When your fingers are shorter than the length of your palms, you (and therefore me) are more akin to peasants than royalty. And why does this not surprise me?

    Anyhow, I wear gloves that I’ve made myself. I can custom make them to fit my short fat fingers and my really big palm. Sigh. You need to find a knitter in your life.

  6. Laurence says:

    Oh mon Dieu !!! I am a mutant too !!!
    But me, it is my thumb… he is too long… and the little finger is too short !!!

    P.S. If you need sweet caress with a “mutant hand with a thumb longer”, you know where I am !!! :-D

  7. Kyra says:

    Hmmm you know, the odd thing is I haven’t had this problem. Maybe it’s the women’s gloves that are made to fit correctly, and men’s gloves are modeled after… Well anyway. ;)

  8. Jeff says:

    Thanks for bringing that up because I’ve always wondered about that – why do cartoon characters always have only 4 fingers?

  9. Tracy Lynn says:

    So maybe your mutant power is the ability to poke people with your insanely long fingers?

    I don’t know, Dave, that doesn’t sound very…well, good.

  10. t.l. says:

    mmhmm.. see what the BBC has to say about this.

    or even better, psychology today.

    you’re not a mutant, just have small hands ;)

  11. Avitable says:

    My feet have opposable thumbs.

  12. Dave2 says:

    Tal… I’ve never had 4-wheel drive, so I’ll take your word for it. :-)

    The Chad… I’ve never understood the logic of people who think 4-wheel drive means they can’t slide on an icy road.

    Taboman… People are emailing me photos of their hands that are the same as mine, so I guess you’re right. That’s too bad… it would have been kind of nice to be a mutant.

    Kapha… A pair of large-size gloves fits me okay everywhere except the thumb and little finger, thankfully, because that sounds painful. Lil’ Dave is always drawn with four fingers unless I am drawing a hand gesture which requires five.

    Margalit… Peasant hands, eh? I suppose that will make things so much more satisfying when I rule the earth!!

    Laurence… Apparently, everybody has mutant hands??

    Kyra… I dunno. Perhaps in the effort to make “one size fit all” there are sacrifices which must be made? I need to save up for custom gloves!

    Jeff… Cartoon characters have four fingers because they are often drawn small, and drawing all five would make it difficult to show individual fingers as opposed to a mess of lines. Animated characters often have four because it gives you one less thing to animate, thus is a lot easier.

    Tracy Lynn… Sure… if you are the POKEE.., but if you are the POKER, it’s awesome!

    T.L… Those articles are talking about the size ratio of index finger to ring finger… I didn’t see anything about little finger and thumb. Actually, my hands aren’t small… just skinny. I wear either a size large or x-large glove.

    Avitable… Lucky you. That must come in handy for climbing trees and typing with your feet. But I’ll bet finding shoes is a bitch…

  13. I believe that was New Mutants #22b: Dave of the Mutant Fingers vs. The Really Horribly Made Gloves. It’s a memorable book because of the quote by Cypher on page 6: “Wow and I thought MY power was lame.”

    Love ya dude. Mean it. ;-)

  14. diane says:

    No offense Dave, but I find this to be a problem of cheap gloves more than mutant hands.
    I have tiny little hands and fingers, but the first pair of gloves I bought at Payless had that crazy long thumb/long pinky finger thing going on!!
    Having met you in person though, I will say you have very nice hands. Is that weird? I don’t mean it to be weird. You just, um, have nice hands.
    (whistles, backs away slowly then breaks into run)

  15. You could always find a friend proficient with a sewing machine to help you fit them better. With knit gloves, you’d just cut off the tip, leaving a little more room than you needed and then stich it closed, going over the stitches a couple times.

    Might not be pretty, but it might work…

  16. Göran says:

    I´m not sure why your thumb isn´t long enough for the glove but clearly the gloves are manufactured from the middle east where most men have a very long littlefinger nail (for scratching ears and snorting coke with among other vital things).

    (I´ll go out as a big prejudice 2006 to come back all humble and renewed 2007)…

  17. Hilly says:

    Phew….I thought it was just me; you know, having worn gloves for the first time in a LOOOONG time this week, I have been rather pissy that all fingers slots are not created equally.

    I still think being a mutant is way more fun though.

  18. ms. sizzle says:

    nice use of breathe lyrics. l-o-v-e that song. :)

    if you want to feel better about your mutant hands, please go look at margaret cho’s fingers. her pinkie is abnormally small. seriously. go look. right now. i’ll wait. . .

  19. Charred says:

    Am I the only one to notice Dave used the lyrics from Thompson Twins’ Lay Your Hands on me and The Smiths’ Hand in Glove?

    Dave, thanks for not quoting Hand in Glove from the beginning.

    (Because the lyrics are:
    Hand in glove, the sun shining out of our behinds…. That’s why.)

    Ah. I understand now. Dave’s mutant power is sunshine coming from his behind!

    EWWW!

  20. yellojkt says:

    I guess they have to make the fingers long enough for everybody. I always have too much room in a couple of fingers too.

  21. Mike says:

    Oh my God.

    I can’t believe you’re writing about gloves. I just bought a new pair of gloves yesterday, and I also always wonder why my thumb and pinky are waaaay too short / glove fingers too long.

    Maybe that explains why they’re called “Hang loose” digits. ;-)

  22. Dave2 says:

    Caffeinated Librarian… Ya know, I really like the character of “Cypher” in “New Mutants” and still get mad thinking about how they killed him off (and later went on to having Warlock make him into a zombie!). His mutant power was interesting but required thought to work into a story. I guess the writers got tired of trying? Such a pity.

    Diane… Well, the last pair of gloves I bought were $50, so I think it is a universal problem that spans price ranges. What I really need to do is just spend the $120 to get a custom pair made. They measure your hands and everything!! :-)

    Kachina… I should just buy me one of those “Handy Stitch” machines that they sell on television and give it a try. The tips wouldn’t be nicely lined anymore, but at least they wouldn’t be flopping all over the place!

    Göran… Hey, I’d just be happy if your New Years resolution was to blog more!! If it weren’t for your occasional comments here, I’d have thought you died back in mid-November! :-D

    Hilly… Perhaps I’m a mutant in other parts… I really should examine myself more closely one of these days so I can figure out which ones. I’m pretty sure my brain is mutated… how else can you explain my massive intellect? No mere ordinary human brain could handle it!

    Ms. Sizzle… I like that song too. Good for a mellow evening of relaxation… or making sweet, sweet love! As for Margaret Cho… you’re right, now I don’t feel that bad. She must have a good TWO inches of flap on her glove’s little finger!

    Charred… Yep, those (along with the Breathe song “Hands to Heaven that Ms. Sizzle mentioned above) are the ones! The British import maxi-single version of “Lay Your Hands” by the Thompson Twins is one of my favorite songs. “Hand in Glove” isn’t one of my favorite songs, but I love The Smiths, so it HAD to be there (though, as you note, I skipped the lyrics for rather obvious reasons!). Yet, not only does my ass have sunshine shooting out of it, but it also smells like roses.

    Yellojkt… Egads! Then it’s not your thumb and little finger that are too long on your gloves? WE’RE ALL MUTANTS!!

    Mike… But that phrase comes from Hawaii where they don’t wear gloves! Though, I guess if they DID wear them, that would explain quite a lot?

  23. Tracy Lynn says:

    If Dave’s ass shoots sunshine AND smells of roses, that explains ALOT, don’tcha think? Anybody?

  24. Rachelle says:

    Excellent use of Thompson Twins, The Smiths and Breathe lyrics. Makes me remember why I love coming back again….and again….and again.

  25. Diana says:

    This is one time I’m glad to be living in a tropical climate at this time of year — no need for all of that winter gear, and especially NO GLOVES!

  26. Ah, yes, I have run into similar problems with gloves only it’s my pinky that gets extra fabric. My thumb tends to be just fine.

    I’m glad to see there are still some things, big or small (pun intended), that inspire you enough to create a beautiful and humorous cartoon. Cheers!

  27. nancycle says:

    Omar and I laughed four fingers off.

  28. I’m a mutant too! My little toe is WAY littler than the rest of my toes. My husband busts me about it all the time.

    Freaky.

    I mean, seriously. We’re freaks. :D

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