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Bullet Sunday 9

Posted on Sunday, December 3rd, 2006

Dave!Live from Wisconsin — IT'S BULLET POINT SUNDAY!

• TIMELY! Much to my shock and awe... and despite the weather problems plaguing Seattle and Chicago recently... every one of the three flights I took today was on-time. It's probably one of the best travel days (connection-wise) I've ever had, even though it started at 3:45am.

• COLD! It is unbelievably ass-numbing testicle-shriveling cold here. As I drive down the road, the heater cannot keep up with the freezing temperature, so you roast where the heat comes out and are chilled to the bone everywhere else. I don't handle the cold well at all, so I am understandably miserable most of the time.

• CAMERA! My Canon S400 compact camera has been a piece of crap since day one, and today it finally stopped working altogether. Since every other Canon I've ever owned has been awesome, I'm chalking this up to bad luck and will probably be buying a new Powershot SD800 tomorrow to replace it (known as Ixus 850 outside the US). Traveling without a camera... even to places I've been dozens of times before... makes me feel naked. I simply must have a camera in my pocket to feel whole. The nice thing about this model is that it has true optical image stabilization, which will hopefully help diminish the number of blurry photos I take...


• DOLLS! Now that they've released a "Doctor" Laura talking doll to go with the Ann Coulter talking doll, the "Hypocritical Dumbass Whore Talking Doll Line" is nearly complete...

Dumb Fucking Whore Dolls

All we're missing is Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly.

• GEOGRAPHY! A foreign reader of Blogography questioned my calling Wisconsin, Illinois, and Ohio "The Midwest" when, if you divide the USA in half, the "midwest" would be Montana, Idaho and such. This may be true geographically, but the various regions of the US are influenced by historical factors as well. I admit that not everybody divides up the nation the same way but, in general, the way I cut it up here is more-or-less considered correct...


  • New England... This was the area first settled by English Pilgrims, thus branded "New England." Includes Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Rhode Island.
  • The Mid-Atlantic States... The middle states of the Atlantic Ocean seaboard. Includes New York, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland.
  • The South... Also known as "The Bible Belt," these are the states which formed the Confederacy during the US Civil War. Includes Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee, Arkansas, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, Florida, and Texas. In modern times, Florida and Texas are sometimes excluded from the generalized region of "The South" and considered regions of their own. This region is sometimes sub-divided into "The Deep South" which is mostly a religious distinction (and includes Alabama, Arkansas, Louisiana, and Mississippi).
  • The Midwest... There was a time when everything west of the Appalachian Mountains was considered "The West." Later, everything west of the Mississippi River was branded "The West." From these earlier days, "The Midwest" was considered to be Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Missouri, Iowa, and Minnesota. The label stuck, even though now-a-days it is not really accurate.
  • Kentucky and West Virginia... If these two states have a regional affiliation, I don't know about it. Perhaps they're part of a "Great Smokey Mountains" region or something but, from what I can tell, they are region-free (and no doubt proud of it).
  • The Great Plains States... A geographic area which includes North Dakota, South Dakota, Nebraska, Kansas, and Oklahoma... NONE of which I have visited!
  • The Rocky Mountain States... Another geographic area, this time with Montana, Idaho, Wyoming, Nevada, Utah, Colorado, Arizona, and New Mexico.
  • The Pacific Northwest... A term generally attributed to Washington and Oregon, but some people also include Idaho (which I don't). Home to TEQUILACON 2007, baby!!
  • California... Widely considered to be another world entirely, California is a regional distinction all its own. Though, when you marry it to Washington and Oregon, it becomes part of the "Pacific States."
  • Alaska... Some people erroneously pile this state in with "The Pacific Northwest" but I think most everybody (especially Alaskans) would argue it is a region all its own.
  • Hawaii... A state so remote that most any regional affiliation is pretty much impossible (though it, along with Alaska, are on the Pacific Ocean with the other three).

• GOODNIGHT! A full day of travel after three hours sleep has left me exhausted. It's 9:30pm in my new time zone, so I'm using that as an excuse to call it a day.

Categories: Bullet Sunday 2006Click To It: Permalink


  1. Michelle says:

    I hope I get a Canon 650 or so for Christmas. My parents argue, “But you have a camera!” but it’s a 4-year-old Kodak that I never really liked anyway. totally need that image stabilizer.

    Of your so-called “great plains states,” the only one you need to visit is South Dakota. but perhaps i’m biased, having grown up there.

  2. borysSNORC says:

    Who is Doctor Laura when she’s at home? And why do you have her “doctor” honorific in inverted commas?


  3. Dave2 says:

    Michelle… Well, there’s a lot to see in South Dakota, so I’ll get there eventually. 🙂

    Robyn… I put the “doctor” in quotes, because Laura is a doctor of physiology and not a medical doctor as she implies on her show. The fact that she preaches morality, but has posed for nude photos AND dated a married man AND is a hateful, gay-bashing, hypocritical, judgmental piece of shit is just the icing on the cake. I try very hard not to hate anybody or anything, but she makes it so easy that I sometimes forget. 🙁

  4. Mooselet says:

    If there were Barbie-type of dolls that deserved to be tortured by small boys, these are them!

  5. I must find a new camcorder. Mine doesn’t do what I want it to without many hoops to jump through. I adore our digital cameras though…both the Digital SLR and my point and shoot Olympus and Doug has some sort of Nikon point and shoot, but I don’t use it because it’s too big.

    Anyway, Kentucky is part of what most call the South East which consists of KY, VA, WV (I guess)and North and South Carolina. If we had our druthers from your map dissection, we’d choose the South except for the few weird people up there by Cincinnati. We do keep trying to give Eastern Kentucky to West Virginia but they won’t take it. Jerks. Great Smokey Mountains are in Tennessee and North Carolina.

    I agree Idaho is not a Pacific NW state. It doesn’t even touch the Pacific for Pete’s sake.

    Oh and Texas is by itself a country of it’s own, kthxbai.

  6. Kapha says:

    Did I miss the Martha Stewart doll? 🙂

    Remember: Tension Sells. Either the tension raised by someone who appears impossibly “perfect” (by whatever societal/cultural standards people set) or impossibly arrogant/loud/contrary. It works. People buy it.

    Heck, you do realize that you’re reaction to them actually promoted them at some level here, right? 🙂

    I dig your map (the Kentucky/West Virginia observation is interesting too), and must echo Michelle’s like for South Dakota from that group (although I have yet to visit North Dakota), but I must raise exception to the Rocky Mountain States:

    I’m a N. Cal. boy originally (back in the day) and have been living in the somewhat boonies of SW Colorado for the past nine years. There is definitely a Southwest region! From where we are (the San Juan Mountains) as a kind of NE corner of it down through Santa Fe, NM to the border of Mexico, all of Arizona and southern Utah – vaguely centered around the Four Corners (although that’s somewhat north of center).

    Much of Utah (save the south) and most of Idaho and most of Nevada seem like the Great Basin to me. Heh, Nevada is the only state we’ve ever been to where we went into a smoking only restaurant (only because we were starving on Route 50 – the loneliest highway in the nation) – I remember the plastic plants desperately needed to have the nicotine wiped off them! Seriously! I’ve always thought of Nevada as The Ashtray State since then…

  7. Jeff says:

    I recently picked up the SD800’s little brother, the SD630 – and I love it! No problems whatsoever and it doesn’t require you to drill 5 menus deep to change a setting. I hated that about my Toshiba.

  8. yellojkt says:


    “Doctor” Laura is an advice-giving radio show host and all-around hypocritical right-wing harpy. The “dr” goes in quotes because her crendentials are as an academic PhD in something lame like physiology and not anything that would give credence to her shrill nagging advice.

  9. sandra says:

    As a midwesterner by birth, I’m with you — Wisconsin, Ohio and Illinois (and my home state, Michigan) — are all the midwest. And it is absolutely friggin’ cold there in the winter…although New York ain’t so warm either.

  10. diane says:

    Be sure to stop by the Mars Cheese Castle and pick up some treats for Kapgar! 🙂
    As a life-long Midwesterner, I pride myself on my remarkable tolerance for cold. My friend and I were shopping at Old Orchard yesterday, an outdoor mall, with a high temperature of 15 going on. (granted, the stores themselves are heated so we had a safe haven in moments of desperation)

  11. ms. sizzle says:

    that’s some geography lesson for someone who is exhausted. i think i learned something! thanks dave. 🙂 sizz

  12. Hilly says:

    I always hated the whole “midwest” thing…no, not the places although….ahem. Actually, having been brought up in the crazy California region, I never understood why states more to the east were in the midwest. Luckily my husband is from Indiana and explained it all to me ;).

  13. LarryB says:

    Appalachia. That’s the region name you’re looking for for KY and WV, although the region also includes Western NC, the eastern edge of TN, the westernmost bit of VA and just a bit of southern OH.

    And I’d put MO and OK in the South. (MO is kind of transitional, but culturally it’s a fit.)

    Alas, the regions don’t always match up with the state boundaries.

  14. Miss Britt says:

    It is.. well… ovarie freezing cold? – here right now as well.

    I have been driving with a blanket wrapped around me to combat the phenomenon of which you speak.

  15. Laurence says:

    Timely… 🙂
    Cold… 🙁
    Camera… I feel the same when my camera isn’t with me !!!
    Dolls… Ah, marketing and his drifts !!!
    Geography… Thanks for this lesson ! 🙂

  16. Kim says:

    I was checking out the border crossing at Go Northwest before reading your geographical breakdown and this is how they define the NW (which I totally disagree with):

    The Pacific Northwest (as defined by Go Northwest!) has the distinction of encompassing two countries. The Pacific Northwest region includes Idaho, Montana, Oregon and Washington in the USA and the province of British Columbia in Canada.

    You could maybe argue Idaho, but Montana? WTF.

  17. Naomi says:

    Idaho is part of the PacNo like Penthouse Letters is classic literature.

  18. Anonymous says:

    Ha! So Dr. Laura gained her morals on the road one might say…Cuz she’s “been around”.…Cuz she was a slut…Oh…I’ve said too much….

    * optical image stabilization *

    Lemme know if it works. I’ve heard rave reviews about Canon cameras.

    Wisconsin eh? You shoulda come over for supper! I used to wear a white hooded sweatshirt to high school with a red velvety Wisconsin Badger on it…I always thought it was a woodchuck until my chemistry teacher told me otherwise…Again….I’ve said too much….


  19. Mrs. K says:

    Kentucky and West Virginia are both considered to be in the southeast region of the US. As a native West Virginian, I have often had to correct people who think that we are still the western counties of Virginia. For those that don’t know….there was this little thing called the Civil War (1861-1865). Google it up sometime.

    btw…nice map Dave.

  20. delmer says:

    You’ve put a lot more thought in dividing up the US than I did. I’d forgotten all about the Mid-Atlantic states and, pretty much, extended the midwest to just short of Nevada.

    Kentucky, I believe (and maybe this has been mentioned before … time prohibits me from reading all the other comments) thinks she’s part of the South.

    Of course, I could be wrong.

    (I do know that the rural Kentuckinans are very good and polite drivers. Keeping right, typically, except to pass.)

  21. nancycle says:

    That was me and my potty mouth above (anon).

  22. erin says:

    I love that you included Alaska and Hawaii. Everyone always seems to forget us, but you didn’t. Thanks!

  23. Michigan, where I’m from and currently located, is generally considered Midwest although it’s not very “mid” in my opinion.

    Occasionally I see it omitted from “midwest” lists but manage not to lose any sleep over it 🙂

  24. kapgar says:

    I want an Ann Coulter doll!!!!

    so I can melt it!

  25. ChillyWilly says:

    An Ann Coulter doll… who the F&#@ green lighted this one??? Sad… just sad. And it talks, too… even more reason for me to avoid it at all costs.

  26. Epona says:

    I want to see horrible things happen to those dolls. Horrible, horrible things. I don’t know anything about “Dr.” Laura, but seeing her being classed with Ann Coulter (and from what you’ve said), I want her to meet the same fate as Miss “I Hate Librals.”

    And, did I miss something? You listed my state twice in your list of the Midwest. Are there two Minnesotas now? ; ) Also, I’d replace Arkansas with Georgia as being a member of the “Deep South.” But that’s just me.

  27. Bob237 says:

    Reference Kentucky & West Virginia

    Add Maryland and you have the “Border” states as they mark the border between North & South (they had their own civil wars within the War Between the States. The Confederate Army’s famous “Orphan Brigade”, made up of Kentuckians, was christened so after the Unionists had gained the upper hand in the Commonwealth)

    WeeVee is interesting…Western Virginia was Unionist, so it seceded from Virginia, which was at war with the Federal government over the issue of its secession. So the Union recognized the right of West Virginia to secede from Virginia and become a new state, but did not recognize the right of Virginia to seceded from the Union and become part of the Confederacy.

    Then there is Washington DC

    “A city of Northern charm and Southern efficiency” – John F Kennedy

    Another name for the Midwest is “the Old Northwest” as it was the Northwest Territory from the End of the War of Independence (Thank you, George Rogers Clark) until divided into states in the first half of the 19th Century

  28. Catherine says:

    Hi, I’m here reading last December’s archives to try to gain insight into your comment that you don’t celebrate Christmas.

    I didn’t think I’d be commenting, but then you said:

    California… Widely considered to be another world entirely, California is a regional distinction all its own. Though, when you marry it to Washington and Oregon, it becomes part of the ‘Pacific States.'”

    The region that Washington, Oregon and California comprise is called “The West”, and are most often what is meant by the phrase ‘the West Coast’ when spoken in this country.

    Of course Beautiful B.C. and Baja help comprise the West Coast of the sub-Alaskan part of this continent, and often their presence is implied in that phrase too, depending on context.

  29. Dave2 says:

    I live my life according to Buddhist precepts and am not a Christian, so I don’t celebrate Christmas.

    This entry is about how the USA is divided up and, specific to that context, Washington, Oregon, and California are “The West Coast”… but you are right, when talking about the North American continent, BC and Baja are a logical extension… and I’d imagine that people in Mexico would say that their “West Coast” is in “The West Coast” as well. 🙂

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