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Posted on Friday, October 20th, 2006

Dave!I've just been abducted by aliens.

And by aliens, of course, I mean the bitches on The View.

I recorded the show a few days ago because Bill O'Reilly was a guest. Not that I like Bill O'Reilly or anything... actually, I think the dumbass is a perfect "10" on the "Are You a Dick?" scale...

Are you a dick?

No, the reason I recorded it was because the idea of Bill O'Reilly being in the same room with Rosie O'Donnell was guaranteed fun. Talk about two people on the opposite end of the political nut-job spectrum! I fully expected that I would witness Rosie putting her fist through Bill's head, and that was worth the space on my TiVo.

Holy crap. How do people watch this show? You can't understand a frickin' word, because Rosie, Babwa, Joy, and Elisabeth are screeching at the top of their lungs... ALL AT THE SAME TIME! Nobody shuts the f#@% up for five seconds so you can hear what is being said. I actually ended up feeling sorry for Bill O'Reilly, and I never thought I'd be saying that.

Still. I must admit to being mildly entertained and unable to turn away from this car wreck of a show. Elizabeth (isn't she that chick from Survivor?) is even more annoying than Debbie Matenopoulos!

Kill Elizabeth!

Fortunately I was able to escape The View with a minimum of anal probing and my sanity in tact.


Did anybody teach these bitches not to interrupt when somebody else is speaking? Sheesh.

Categories: Television 2006Click To It: Permalink


  1. Dave2 says:

    Discarded ideas for what Babwa Wawa is saying…

    + Is that a booger on my finger?

    + My fingers smell like poop!

    + I once had this hand shoved up Geraldo Rivera’s ass!

    + I need a f#@%ing manicure!

    + It’s called “the shocker” and you do it like this…

    + What does this mean in sign language?

    + There’s something sticky on my chair… who was sitting here?

    + “Little bunny foo foo went hopping through the forest…”

    + Who took my cigarette?

    + One… Two… Three… yes, I’ve had three lesbian experiences!

  2. Kapha says:

    My understanding is the two-fingered “finger” was the English Longbowmen saying to the enemies of the day that they were capable of driving an arrow straight through their plate armor like a knife through butter. Ouch. 🙂

    Ok – now, repeat after me, Dave: TV is a soul-devouring drug.

    With that out of the way… 😉

    Seriously: ask yourself why you watched it? It was *annoying*, right? It was driving you nuts and you wanted to tell them to shut the %*#$ up, right? So why watch it? What does it do for you? Seriously!

    Ok, I’ll give you a hint… 🙂

    If they were discussing something intellectually stimulating and/or interesting in a rational, dignified, respectful, manner; that explored all angles of the topic discussed and inspired creative thinking on all levels; that left everyone thinking deeply and wanting to continue the discussion with each other after the show…

    Would anyone watch it?

    I’m not being facetious. I’m just fascinated why people watch TV anymore. 🙂

    It’s once again remarkably simple: Engage people on an emotional level only – hit that primitive brain – and they will keep coming back for more again and again and again and again.

    You either make ’em feel good for a little while (a drug) or get ’em riled (make ’em feel good via a different adrenaline rush – essentially the other drug). They don’t want to think – which is great, because then we (the shows/creators) don’t have to do as much.

    Bonus: It’s E-A-S-Y! Mix or match from the following (there’s more, but these are the basics that come immediately to mind):

    (1) Sex
    (2) Food
    (3) Security
    (4) Status/Power
    (5) Love/Hate

    I’d say this one falls into (4) and (5), like so:

    Piss people off. Offend them. Make ’em mad. They’ll want to yell at the TV and prove those idiots wrong.

    The people on TV are perceived to be more powerful because they are there and we are all watching. They must be up the tribal ladder a rung or two, right? When they say/do things that we perceive as “stupid/idiotic/dumb” we get a rush out of feeling superior – as in: “I may be a rung or two down this imaginary tribal ladder I feel a part of, but I’m sure as hell smarter than you idiots!”

    Ahhhh. That feels good.

    Man, I sure could use a Subway sandwich about now… 😉

    Guess what? They’re most likely just doing it to get the reaction. How much money has Howard Stern made? Even if they *are* complete morons – who cares – either way it works! Cha-ching! 😀

    People pay to watch it by the *millions* (billions yet?) every single day and it accomplishes nothing. Absolutely nothing.

    Unless you’re selling something of course. 😉

    P.S. That last one on your list had me laughing out loud! 😀

  3. The Chad says:

    I used to like Bill until he became a government pawn.

    I hate Rosie with every fiber of my being. I hate her more than hippies and slow drivers.

    I have never watched the view and never ever will. Who wants to watch a show with a bunch of dumb bitches spewing their dumbass opinions like people should actually care about what they say…just like Bill. Fuck ’em both (just not for real, couse either sounds really gross).

    And that is why I could care less about politics, well, that, and it puts me to sleep faster than beer and ambien.

  4. adena says:

    Considering that she’s talking to Rosie, there are FAR too many ideas for what Barbara is saying….

  5. It bothers me that the dickless picture actually looks concave, but I can’t figure out why.

    Also, I was sure that what Babs was saying was this: “I’m telling you, it takes 3 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Dave said so yesterday on Blogography!”.

  6. Kyra says:

    See, it’s shows like that which really piss me off. I think it was the first time I saw that show that I really grasped the “joke” in calling a pack of women “hens”, because good lord, they sound like my chicken coop in the morning during the “laying hours”. Worse, I think some people tune into that crap and think that is how women really are.

    Ok, maybe they are – I wouldn’t know since 99% of all my friends are guys. Maybe I’m the freak. But if I get around a bunch of women like that (after all, the show has been touted as “just like when a bunch of women friends get together, but on tv! They’re your new friends!”) I get an instant migraine, and a desire to hit something. Or to simply run far…far… FAR away.

    Maybe it’s not television programming for entertainment, but to sell headache relievers. How many ads for pain relievers were there on your tivo with the show? 😉

  7. nancycle says:



    tee hee…ewww…too funny.


    *tears in eyes ~ kettle’s boiling…*

    Ah Dave. *sigh*

    “Smell My Fingers”

    …*walking away….TOO FUNNY*

  8. Bec says:

    We have a similar show over here in the UK where the women all debate the important ‘issues’ of the day (strappy sandals or mules, can you wear red and blue together, is it cool to drink ‘just’ orange juice without another juice in it, etc) and they all talk at the same time too.

    Mind you… I wouldn’t want to hear what they aare saying to each other.

    And I think Barbara is considering “If I shove these fingers up Rosie’s nose, she’ll have to stop talking to breathe…”

  9. ms. sizzle says:

    “smell my fingers” LOL

    you slay me dave. SLAY. ha ha. i hate talk shows so i haven’t experienced this personal horror. thanks for reconfirming that i am making the right choice!

  10. Laurence says:

    Your list are so funny !

    You know, TV is chewing-gum for the eyes. I don’t remember who said that !

    Kapha’s comment is very interesting.

    And I’m agree… TV is a drug.
    In its easy provision of relaxation and escape, television can be beneficial in limited doses. Yet when the habit interferes with the ability to grow, to learn new things, to lead an active life, then it does constitute a kind of dependence.

  11. amanda says:

    I also hate talk shows. Even the mighty Oprah. There’s not a redeeming quality among them that I can think of.

  12. Mrs RW says:

    Re: women talking at the same time and not taking turns. It works because women have a gene that allows them to hear a different person with each ear and respond to both (sort of like foreign language translators who can listen and interpret simultaneously). We learn this at a young age and develop the talent over many years. It allows us to listen to a recitation of a child’s day at school while also listening and responding to a husbands questions when he gets home from work. It’s audio multitasking. Men do not have this gene and therefore can’t appreciate what a skill this really is.

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