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Posted on Saturday, September 9th, 2006

Dave!You know how when you get smacked in the balls there's that fleeting state of euphoria where you think "oh jolly good... it's not going to hurt after all" — until a second later when the overwhelming pain surges through your body so badly that you throw yourself on the ground and beg for death to take you? Not that I'm in the habit of getting smacked in the balls on a regular basis, but the few times it did happen left a real impression.

Anyway, this is the exact same feeling I get when I use Microsoft Windows.

At first I get that slight tinge of euphoria and think "it's not going to hurt after all" until a second later when I realize that a drive letter has been mysteriously re-assigned by the OS, and all my links are broken. Then I'm down on the ground begging for death to take me as I scream "Argh! My balls! My precious balls!"...


Ah yes... kicked in the nuts by Windows... AGAIN. This happens so often that my testicles start aching every time I hear that annoying Windows startup sound (much the way I have an orgasm when I hear the Mac startup sound).

When Vista is released, I'm investing in an athletic cup.

Categories: Apple Stuff 2006, DaveToons 2006Click To It: Permalink


  1. RW says:

    See this is why it pays to be technologically ignorant. No matter what I use I am forever kicked in the ballsless.

  2. Laurence says:

    I don’t know what I must say to you !!!
    Dave, you make me laugh ! 😀
    Once, someone have surprised at seeing me kiss my MacBookPro. It was a very long day : I had to work on PC. And when I heard my Mac startup sound, I have kissed it… It was a little embarrasing, but I didn’t care! Now, I’m glad to know that I am not the only one. 😉

  3. Jody says:

    So where does Windows kick a girl?

    I can honestly say I have never had windows change a drive letter but Norton Anti-Virus is a whole other story of the misery it caused me for over 3 days. Installing, uninstalling, reinstalling and losing links, websites, email addresses and a few hairs from the top of my head.

  4. Avitable says:

    I denounce your Windows trashing!

    I keep my computer on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I might have to reboot once every few months at most. I have zero problems with Windows XP.

  5. Dave2 says:

    RW… Is the ballsless anywhere near the groin area?

    Laurence… Macs need love too! 🙂

    Jody… I’d imagine it would be like a 2×4 to the chest?

    Avitable… Yes, but if all I did was use my Windows POS to surf for porn and read Blogography… I probably wouldn’t have any problems either!

  6. Bec says:

    The day when I own a Mac is coming soon – I go forth to the bank manager to ask his permission to give me the money to save me from XP hell!

  7. adena says:

    Um…I can safely say that I don’t know of that “fleeting state of euphoria”….


  8. I have been too lazy to go pick up my Mac, but I expect to be euphoric soon as well.

    This Davetoon made me laugh out loud. It is awesome!

  9. oujod says:

    “much the way I have an orgasm when I hear the Mac startup sound”

    You must reboot your Mac like a hundred times a day 🙂

    I practice tolerance, mainly. You use what works best for you, and so will I. I’ve had enough Windows users try to tell me why Macs suck, and I don’t want to be the same way.

    That being said, it’s sad because many people’s first computers ran Windows, and it’s all they’re used to. It is just a mess, and the security problems are a nightmare.

    People think that this is just part of the inconvenience of using computers, but in reality, it’s just the pain of using Windows.

  10. SJ says:

    Bret and I have finally decided to come over to the Mac side when we replace our system. It was the Mac Pro website that sold us. That, and Boot Camp for his gaming.

    I believe Bret’s “ideal set-up” tallied in at $37,524.

  11. Wayne Hall says:

    Pshaw. I despise OS wars. I have the unique blessing of having worked on, with and for more than a dozen brands. I’ve been a DOS fanatic, an Apple IIe, MAC OS, IRIX, AIX, Solaris, NeXT fanatic, Redhat/FreeBSD/Fedora junkie, and, yes, a Windows lover. I like XP because it gives me very little trouble and gives me access to everything I could ever need to use from the graphical (Photoshop, Freehand, Snagit) to the textual (cygwin, gvim) to the enterprise (office, sharepoint, corporate OSS apps).

    I wish the general user would be less hateful. Heck, while I’m wishing, I wish the world would be less hateful. I’m just glad Dave puts more than a ladelful of humor in his experiences.

    From the “I love helping others” side of me, I’m guessing you’ve added a new removable drive, CD drive or something, and you were storing things that you were linking to on a drive with a “higher” drive letter. If you’d like help with this, I’m sure there’s no shortage of people willing to lend a hand. In your case, if it’s something like that where the E: drive is now D: because you removed what used to be D: and windows thought it was smart and thought “why waste such a lovely letter”, you can make windows *think* E: is still there. I can help you with this.

  12. Dave2 says:

    Bec… Have fun and be safe! 🙂

    Adena… It’s so fleeting that it’s hardly worth mentioning. Especially where a kick in the balls is concerned.

    Oujod… Sadly, Vista doesn’t improve matters much, and boy how I wish it did.

    SJ… A similarly configured Dell is $1400 more than a Mac, or so I’ve read. The fact that you can run Windows on the Mac Pro (if you must) is just icing on the cake.

    Wayne… I’m not sure what happened, because though I do have a CD drive, I wasn’t using it when the letters changed. There’s a boot drive with two partitions and a second drive with a third partition C, D, E. Now D is E and E is D ?!? This is not a volley in “OS Wars” it’s simply pointing out a limitation of DOS that’s STILL built into Windows, is really stupid, and can pop up and kick you in the balls when you least expect it.

  13. The Chad says:

    I have Vista on my tester HD. I hate it. I think all the bells and whistles they added are complete BS. I also downloaded the newest beta version of IE7. It’s got some really good points, but other parts just piss me the fuck off.

  14. Hayley says:

    Dude, what is it with you and yr balls?

    I’ve just found you (thru Hilly’s PFW) and have already found several references to testicles (enough for you to have a tag on the subject, anyway)! Oh well, I guess you ARE a man after all…

    Love reading yr blog. Sure you’ll be happy to know that you have the distinction of being the first male blogger that I enjoy (reading, that is). Love the ‘toons, too! Can’t wait to see what little Dave is up to next.


  15. Kapha says:

    Yeah this is not normal.

    I’m way-fried after playing six hours straight of my favorite computer game – and yes, this is the one thing that can feel like Zombies Ate My Brain tomorrow…

    Sounds like that second drive is floating around unasigned and is being randomized and/or it was never assigned properly during installation, etc. The drive lettering is a relic, but is very useful in many ways. Still, I prefer Unix, but I digress…

    On XP you can assign the drive letters via:

    Control Panel ->
    Administration Tools ->
    Computer Management ->
    Disk Management

    There you’ll see the drives and the existing partition letter assignments. BE CAREFUL with this stuff! But if you see the two that are flipped, you can change the letters there (via right-click or the menu to Assign Drive Letters).

    If you need to flip D and E drives, I suggest making E into Z drive then D to E then Z to D. Like a shell game.

    Then reboot.

    It’s just slightly scary stuff (for example, do NOT change the C: drive letter unless you have a death wish) and this advice comes with no warranty whatsoever – since, after all, Zombies Just Ate My Brain…

  16. Belinda says:

    OK, if that thing you said about the Mac startup noise was true, HOW could you get ANYTHING done all day long? Wouldn’t you just be sitting there booting and re-booting your computer ENDLESSLY?

    I’m not saying that *I* would do that all day long, but maybe for a good hour or so, anyway.

  17. Belinda says:

    And? I’m starting to think that, as others have mentioned in the past, you really DO talk about your balls quite a bit.

  18. Avitable says:

    Ahem! I also use it to find really, really weird shit online.

  19. Laurence says:

    I had forgotten what I said to the guy who had surprised me to kiss my Mac.
    I woke up this morning. I remember now, it’s coming back to me now.

    Me (I was tired. When I am tired, I’ll have no idea what I’m doing!)… What ? (Quoi ?)

    Him… What are you doing ? (Mais, qu’est-ce que tu fais ?)

    Me (embarrassing but taking it upon myself to kiss an object)… You don’t see it ? (Tu ne le vois pas ?)

    Him… But why ? (mais, pourquoi ?)

    Me (thinking : idiot ask, idiot answer)… You know. Nowadays, I don’t need a boyfriend, I need a Mac ! (Tu sais. De nos jours, je n’ai pas besoin d’un MEC, j’ai juste besoin d’un MAC !)

    Him… Puffff, you say that, but you don’t think that. (Then he was gone)

    (No worries… I’m aware of my pathetic attitude… 🙂

  20. Dave2 says:

    The Chad… I feel the same way. Vista is mostly just crap that should have been put in a Windows XP Service Pack. A complete and total rip-off, and I can’t imagine people paying to upgrade.

    Hayley… Thanks! I searched though all ten entries on my front page and this is the only one where I talk about my balls. That works out to less than once a week! That’s not too bad… is it?

    Kapha… Wayne had that suggestion too… which seems a lot better than my solution. What I did was unplug the second drive, reboot so that the partitions on the boot drive would be correct. Shut-down. Then plug the second drive back in and re-boot again. It worked, but I’m keeping what you and Wayne gave me handy because it seems easier than tearing apart my PC if it happens again!

    Belinda… That WOULD be true… if I ever turned off my Macs. I don’t, I just put them to sleep. My laptop currently has an “uptime” of 26 days, 10 hours, and 41 minutes. It would be longer, but I think I installed some software that required a reboot. As for my balls… I think people are obsessing about them more than I do!

    Avitable… Yes. And you post it so the rest of us can see it too. I think I have become permanently mentally damaged from reading your blog. 🙂

    Laurence… Yes, I feel the same (and wrote about it here!).

  21. Laurence says:

    Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo !!!

    Dave, come out of my brain !

    I am unique, I am unique, I am UNIQUE ! (There, I am trying the Coué’s method).

    If it doesn’t work, I will call an exorcist tomorrow !!! 😀

  22. Avitable says:

    My plan is proceeding as expected.

  23. Mocha says:

    I shall watch my balls then, Dave. Thanks for the warning.

    Hey. Where can a girl get a cup? Just wondering…

  24. kapgar says:

    Maybe that’s the reason I have no speakers hooked up to the Windows box in my office. Never thought of it that way…

  25. karla says:

    Dave, you have just made it impossibe for me to ever sit next to you while you turn on a computer. Between the balls crawling up and the orgasms, I would just have to leave the room.

    Do we need to find you a girlfriend?

  26. Eve says:

    Poo poo, Windows!!!

    I was at the Apple Store in SoHo yesterday, basking in all the glory.


  27. Diet Coke, meet Keyboard.

    Shoot, this post will never not make me laugh. I lurk your site frequently, but I had to come out of the bushes on this one.

    I am now going to have to replace my Windows based laptop. Spittles of Coke are the culprit, but I will probably have to consider a Mac if I want to keep my balls intact.

  28. insanesquirle says:

    “I denounce your Windows trashing!

    I keep my computer on 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I might have to reboot once every few months at most. I have zero problems with Windows XP.

    Posted by Avitable on September 09, 2006″

    You do know that your wasting hard drive space, when your computer is running windows, the operating system is constantly converting hard disk space into RAM, yeh its not permanant, but it will slow your computer down to (as they say in organ trail) a grueling pace.

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